Husband objects to me reading romance novels with sex scenes

Just say as far as you are aware there aren't any, how can you tell until you've read it. Get him to read the books first and tear out any offending pages? (that is a joke before anyone gets offended)

I also like dystopian novels. And comedies. Not a massive fan of crime thrillers. Enjoy an autobiography. Like a classic.

I never said it was inferior to a male choice.

Maybe he wants her to stick to Enid Blyton.

I've had about three hours sleep, so forgive me for being less feminist than usual in my word choices.

I don't care what anyone reads or does. I have no issues with "girly girls" or "tomboys". I don't care if women are "one of the boys", want to stay home with the kids, want to remain child free and focus entirely on a career or anywhere in between.

I'm just talking about how romance novels are not an interest people would associate with me unless I told them. Much like they probably wouldn't guess I like blues music or growing succulents. You are reading far too much into a post on a thread about romance novels.

Porn is real people having sex. Mainstream films have real people faking sex. Both are exploitative of young women. Bonkbusters (and other romances) are books written by women for women and are about relationships and sex from a woman's viewpoint and exploit nobody.

I don't understand what you're suppposed to do about it... skim through the book to check for sex scenes before you buy it? Google it? Stop reading as soon as looks like characters are going to get it on? Let your husband vet your books? This is bonkers 🤔

I've never conformed to those feminine traits either. A woman is an adult female and how she presents herself and what she reads is her choice. I've never worn high heels, never had my nails done, and I'm not scientific because I have an Arts degree. I just baulk at the way that certain female choices are automatically inferior to a male choice. I can see what you are saying now, though, which was not that. I was just really responding to the polarisation of women.

Non pornographic but he does do nude scenes. However it's usually just youtube shorts of him talking that I like to watch. He asked me about it and I was honest. I love my DH and I'm attracted to him, have never cheated, but I like fantasy when I'm on my own. Books and visual porn don't do it for me.

I suspect he's probably controlling in other ways too?

You should read some psychological thrillers for inspiration on how to dispose of an adult male sized body and other tips...

but it's because I'm not very "girly", and I am very scientific, analytical and such. So it makes him chuckle that my reading choices are so "fluffy" (my words) because it's at odds with the rest of me.

You don’t see how you have set being ‘girly and fluffy’ up as being in opposition to ‘scientific and analytical’, there?

Everything you’re writing is a bit NLOG (not like other girls) TM. You might want to think about why that is.

OP, It sounds as though it is maybe hard for him to have those books in the house while he is realistically still fighting an addiction. It's like if he had been previously an alcoholic and you were sipping a vodka on the couch. I think that probably would make it much harder for him to stay strong and resist doing it himself.

I’ve never heard of this in my life! Is he worried that you’re going to ‘sort yourself out?’ 🤣

He read over your shoulder?

LTB

Oh don't be reading too much into my choice of words there. Chick lit is a normal term for romance novels and I didn't say analytical was the opposite of girly. I've always been "not very girly" but not because I'm analytical. I work with a lot of analytical women who also love their make up and clothes and stuff whereas I can't think of anything worse than heels, make up, dresses and so on, for me. It's a thing I've struggled with my whole life, feeling less than because I don't conform to typical "feminine" traits.

But chick lit, light fluffy novels are great and that's what I said. In the context of a thread about romance novels.

So, you’re regularly wanking to an actor in mainstream, non-pornographic films and told your partner about it?

Alrighty.

I find with men like the OP’s husband often their accusations are really projection and confessions.

He sounds a bit whiny, would be an ick for me.

Friend had issues like this but extreme. Banned magazines, turned off TV if it had racy scenes with attractive women. All very odd especially at the time because she was stunning to look at.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard or seen a single woman complain about their partner reading written porn. Have you?

To answer your question, these are the main issues people have with porn:

• It’s exploitative of women.
• Unrealistic and harmful depictions of women and female sexuality.
• Some of the women are trafficked.
• It’s addictive to habitual users.
• Some view it as cheating or cheating adjacent.

None of these issues is really present in written porn (apart from maybe the second, in a far more diluted form). That’s why words are acceptable, but not films.

What kind of films does this actor appear in!?

We watched a Tom Hardy film last night and DH said "what a shame your boyfriend looks so bad in this one" cos he knows I like him.

But he's also secure enough in our relationship to know that I'm not disappearing off with Mr Hardy if he appears because it's very unlikely that just because I like looking at him I'll like living with him. Or that he'll want me.

Much like I have no issues with him watching Scarlett Johansson. Although tbh, I get the attraction there more than he gets Tom Hardy.

There's others. That's basically the point of actors isn't it? To ogle?

I don't like porn so I guess it's my replacement for that. It's a fantasy but when I'm on my own that's what I go to. I don't know why I told him, we're open about most things but I learned pretty quickly that had gone past the boundary.

He may be projecting but you do seem to be defending and downplaying his attempts to control.

He does have a problem with porn, he was addicted to it. Maybe he wants to read your sexy books but is frightened they may or do trigger his addiction.

@AfricanGreenIf it doesn’t involve images of real people-then go for it.

Lol, of course he is

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos you're scientific and analytical, so the opposite of "girly"? Why is girl used in a pejorative way?
"Chick lit" is just a way of diminishing some women's reading choices. Some men like reading those SAS type adventure books. It's all a personal choice and no-one is superior or inferior because of it.

This is odd to me on so many levels.

• Why is that something you’d say to your partner?
• How ‘worked up’ could the mere sight of an actor on screen get you that watching them alone is required?