Husband objects to me reading romance novels with sex scenes

That is incredibly insecure.

I watch K/C dramas. A LOT of them.

DH will wander in, ask if it's any good, and very occasionally eyeballs the screen and moans that the men are too pretty.

This is mumsnet, so I don't know what your DH is like 90% of the time. But this behaviour seems abusive and controlling, if you start to recognise this in other areas of your relationship I hope you can access help.

Also I'm willing to bet my house he watches porn, probably the worst most deviant kind. The militant 'I would NEVER do this' type that police others so rigidly are usually the worst offenders.

porn addiction” is a very strong phase

Yeah mostly it's totally misused.

Most often for men who've been caught using porn excessively and cheating using online sex workers via cams etc. to get their partners to stay and "support" them.

I agree with your description of these books being like a film that happens to have a sec scene in it. He’s being unreasonable, but I understand he’s got issues. In your position, next time he gets huffy I’d be very firmly telling him that we’ve discussed this and he absolutely has to stop this nonsense because we are not having this conversation again. Put your foot down. It’s not okay for him to keep making an issue out of something completely harmless that you enjoy.

Good point.

Yes. This.

He must really miss porn - to be so jealous and resentful that you might get one iota of fantasy or gratification from a tame romance novel.

This would make me very curious to hear his deeper thoughts about his sexuality and sexuality in general.

“porn addiction” is a very strong phase, and one that gets used in very problematic ways in certain fundamentalist religions as a way to control members. Is there a religious element at play here?

It strikes me as strange that he would equate reading words on a page from someone’s imagination to supporting an industry that actively damages people. We have a responsibility to be decent consumers, and minimise our harm. But having sexual curiosity, thoughts, feelings is a wonderful part of our shared humanity, and not something shameful.

He sounds like a decent bloke with the right intentions to me.

He sounds like a controlling, childish nutter to me.

Nope, not reasonable to me. More like controlling.

Porn magazines with photos of real women is different than fictional books.

The exploitation of women in a patriarchal society when women's bodies are treated as a commodity is what a lot of us have an issue with on here.

Fiction harms no one. No one is trafficked, taken advantage of, feeling shame or regret, being pressured or in dangerous situations.

I also don't think women expect their men to be 6ft5 mafia bosses.
Whereas there is a huge problem with men expecting women to emulate and be like porn stars.
Hence the threads we see on here where men think anal and choking etc are "normal and just a part of sex".

Or the threads where they criticise OP's labia or sex positions.

I had a man once who told me to watch porn to learn how to moan in a sexy way.

So it's really not the same thing at all.

You'll have to get your dominatrix suit on for supper 😁
Not serious

Sorry but what a wanker. I picked yabu, but actually meaning that you weren't, but your dh was being unreasonable, probably the wrong choice.

A prudish ex porn addict - hmm.

He's specifically said he's pissed off she might be fancying or fantasising about a fictional character.

She's apparently not but even if she was, that would be fairly normal human behaviour.

You don't have the right to control and possess every thought in someone's head, including their romantic & sexual fantasies.

It's beyond controlling.

I thought most people grew out of this as teenagers. Or weren't even that poorly adjusted as teenagers to begin with.

Say "No", then.

Is he choosing not to watch porn or did you ask him not to? Porn and books are not the same thing but I'm trying to figure out his logic.

I read the most filthy erotic romance novels. They're utterly scandalous and I love them.

My also doesn't watch porn because he says he can't guarantee the women weren't coerced, trafficked or abused.

He doesn't care about my books because they are fiction, I enjoy them and also they are really helpful for my libido. I find that my libido is like a muscle, the more I use it in various ways, the healthier it is.

I wouldn't be okay with my DH is he tried to shame me for them. It reminds me too much of my religious upbringing where anything to do with a woman's sexuality was seen as shameful and something she would repent for.

There's nothing wrong with your books and also there's extremely well written romance novels where the sex is amazing, not cringe at all.

Or maybe "Oops they're at it, would you mind checking when it's over and pointing me to the paragraph where I can start reading again" and then he has to read it 😂

Also if neither of you ever have a crush or attraction to a character or actor etc at any point....... You are very very unusual humans.

It's beyond ridiculous to expect your partner to never have that. It's beyond ridiculous to expect your partner to never ever fantasise about anything or anyone but you & sex with you.
Imho that is not human nature.

You just don't rub it in their face.

And reading some romance novels with a few sex scenes with not even real people is not rubbing it in their face.

I'm usually more literate, DD had us up half the night then was wide awake at 5.30. Left most of my brain power in bed I think.

He does sound a bit prudish, but at least he's not into porn. Just carry on laughing about it, oops their at it, I'll have to skip the next couple of pages!

No, however, your original post seemed to indicate that, however, you have clarified it. All good 👍

Where do people find these weird men? Just tell him it's nothing to do with him and he can keep his objections to himself.

your DH is being ridiculous

Someone who watched so much porn they had a porn addiction is in no.position to criticise another person about reading some very mild fictional sex as part of a storyline.

Even if he didn't have a history of porn "addiction" ....it's still beyond fucking ridiculous that he wants to stop his partner from reading some romance with a bit of sex in it.

Because you might fancy or fantasise about a fictional character (??)

Insane.

It's controlling to a stratospheric degree.

He is being absolutely ridiculous.