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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel upset & hurt by this comment?

33 replies

colourblockss · 26/04/2025 22:23

me & a family member were messaging back and forth she’s pregnant with her 3rd child and i don’t want anymore kids (i have 1) she was discussing her pregnancy and in response i mentioned that i didn’t want anymore children and her response was “well i guess i was just made to be a mum and i love being a mum”
ive gone to bed feeling so hurt by her saying this because when someone says they don’t want anymore kids is that the right thing to respond? it’s like she was insinuating that i can’t love being a mum because i don’t want anymore kids.. It felt like a back handed dig. whether she meant it the way ive taken it i don’t know but read the room sometimes you know? like your not a better parent than me because you want loads of children and i don’t. We can all have different journeys and all equally enjoy being a parent wether we have 1 child or 5

OP posts:
Tetchypants · 26/04/2025 23:28

Just reply “wait until they’re teenagers” and laugh, ominously.

Original poster
colourblockss · 26/04/2025 23:24

Pagwatch · 26/04/2025 23:10

Do you generally get on? Because really personal issues like this are terrible for causing misunderstandings and defensiveness. I get you’re feeling judged but maybe she is too?
my best friend had one child and I had three and we had to talk about it sometimes - that my saying ‘thank god my eldest can distract my youngest for five minutes’ wasn’t a dig and her saying ‘I love that I can give mine a whole hour of bath and bed routine without having to divvy my time up’ were just us saying stuff and not judgements. Maybe you’re hearing stuff that isn’t there

of course if you don’t like each other that’s a different thing entirely

Edited

yes we do get along and are quite close but there is a lot of remarks made towards me so i guess i am sensitive as it’s happened more than once. what you’re saying is fair though and you’re probably right

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 26/04/2025 23:10

Do you generally get on? Because really personal issues like this are terrible for causing misunderstandings and defensiveness. I get you’re feeling judged but maybe she is too?
my best friend had one child and I had three and we had to talk about it sometimes - that my saying ‘thank god my eldest can distract my youngest for five minutes’ wasn’t a dig and her saying ‘I love that I can give mine a whole hour of bath and bed routine without having to divvy my time up’ were just us saying stuff and not judgements. Maybe you’re hearing stuff that isn’t there

of course if you don’t like each other that’s a different thing entirely

Changingplace · 26/04/2025 23:00

She sounds quite patronising tbh, you’re both entitled to your own choices, neither are inherently better or more correct than each other - having one child is just as valid as having 15, it doesn’t make her a ‘better’ mum because she has more children.

breadpie · 26/04/2025 22:57

Why start a discussion asking if it's unreasonable to be upset by a specific comment, when you are clearly upset by lots of comments she makes.

I think you are being over sensitive...

Original poster
colourblockss · 26/04/2025 22:31

ThatNimblePeer · 26/04/2025 22:28

She may have felt the same, that you were implicitly criticising her and her choices by saying you only want 1 child when you know she is pregnant with her third? Even if she is delighted by the pregnancy she may have some apprehensions around wrangling 3 kids etc and is maybe just feeling defensive about her choices and trying to remind herself as much as you that this is something she actively wants and has chosen? Unless she has form for being unpleasant I wouldn’t dwell on it too much.

i completely understand this and would agree but she does always make comments similar to this at me and it’s constant digs and remarks at me which are just getting me down and i’m taking them personal now you know

OP posts:
OrigamiOwls · 26/04/2025 22:28

I don't think she meant it like that tbh

ThatNimblePeer · 26/04/2025 22:28

She may have felt the same, that you were implicitly criticising her and her choices by saying you only want 1 child when you know she is pregnant with her third? Even if she is delighted by the pregnancy she may have some apprehensions around wrangling 3 kids etc and is maybe just feeling defensive about her choices and trying to remind herself as much as you that this is something she actively wants and has chosen? Unless she has form for being unpleasant I wouldn’t dwell on it too much.