To discuss the societal impacts of older parents?

I think in general we should be looking at structuring society more around how we meet the needs of older people. We're at below replacement birth rate and already have just slightly more people aged over 65 than we do aged under 15. Our demographics have changed massively in the space of a few generations and we haven't caught up yet with the reality of what that means. Having children later in life isn't such a big deal - in fact it makes sense now we're living longer.

Really? To buy a sensible family house and live a reasonable lifestyle.

To have fun in your 20s, buy a house in your 20s & save a decent chunk & have a child at 30? This would certainly take some money.

You then move up Into detached /bigger/better when the equity builds. Depends what your priorities are.

Have you seen what has happened to flat prices in many parts of London post Brexit? property ladder doesn't really work like it used too.

Really? To buy a sensible family house and live a reasonable lifestyle.

If you are saving from when you start earning it's still very possible on a decent salary.

I think it's fine to say with a more modest career it's very hard. But i've been responding to the posters upthread claiming it's the professional elites having babies late. As if it's just lesser, socially and intellectually inferior parents having babies in their late twenties /early thirties and almost implying we are somehow delinquent. Yet if they really are as successful as they claim then that delay in parenthood not really and truly about finances, it's about only wanting to have a baby if you can live a very particular lifestyle on those salaries. Or it's just about prioritising career and having fun for many years hich is fine too, of course it's fine, but it doesn't make those who are ready for and prioritised children much sooner any "less" as people or parents.

Unless you think that being an only child is a negative then I don't see what could be so bad about it?

My grandmother had my mum and her 4 siblings from aged 36-42, this was in the late 30s- early 40s. Apparently older births weren't that uncommon back then. Surprisingly to me anyway.

My mum was also older when she had me but not by choice as she had two others who died in childbirth in her 20s. Most of my peers mums are a bit older and the friends I have with kids all started in their mid- late 30s. I guess I've always thought of it as quite ordinary.

I'm very happy caring for my lovely mum. It's the least I can do after all the love she gave me!
I'm sad I did have to lose my dad when I was a child though. So childhood bereavement is the only negative I can think of from older parenthood.

🤣 nice try. I'm much, much younger than that.

If you start off with a flat or a 2 up 2 down - that's progress, so long as you're buying it. If someone really wants it and are part of a couple, you can get on the property ladder in your early 20s. You just have to more or less write off any form of luxury and live like a pauper until you get the deposit. You then move up Into detached /bigger/better when the equity builds. Depends what your priorities are.

Once again. : such an assumption that birthing children in your 20s equals poor , uneducated, no financial security.

Once again : married, home owner , career (progression came later) completed aged 27. I'm sick of this assumption that only the "proper" "worthy" people have children in their 30s+. Such a misconception

The statistics show that the average age in the uk of first time buyers is over 30. It’s not something you can disagree with. Even then, the majority have parental help for the deposit.

yes some careers are less competitive and are established more quickly. But 27 is very unusual for a graduate or professional these days. Are you perhaps basing your disdain on your experience that happened 40 years ago?

The biggest factor in me getting on the housing ladder and having my dc at 31 & 33 was the fact DH & I had a 6 fig deposit cash gift from family...

But if you have a very good career (the type I assume they are referring to) it is perfectly possible to have heaps of fun in your twenties and buy a nice house and have a decent chunk of savings in time to have children by 30.

You need to earn serous money for that which even very good careers don't pay until you have been in the role some time.

All the old parents should be taken out and shot. Or jailed at the very least. How dare they destroy society in this way. Evil bastards.

And let's their neurotypical non disabled perfectly well adjusted off spring staigh into care or at least hand them over to some young parents who will sort out this terrible societal catastroph.

That’s bollocks though, I’ve seen some incredibly nuanced and thoughtful chats about the positive and negative impacts of being an older parent. I suggest you look around more.

Agree. In my career, we've all done 3 degrees (undergrad, masters, PhD) so only get started career wise late 20s at the earliest. I was a bit older at 32. It often requires relocating meaning it can be hard to find a partner/maintain a relationship. And it takes years to get established, lots of short term contracts etc. It's rare for anyone in my field to have a child under 35. Many are much older, if they have children at all.

Ah well, it didn't destroy my career , but I did have a very strong CV and made some strategic career moves knowing I wanted to start my family by 30.

And I had quite a few other colleagues who managed to as well

yeah, 25 year olds should stop buying coffees and avocados and they’ll be able to buy housing that’s ten times their salary…

they can buy whilst still at uni if they just stop being so selfish! 😆😆

yeah, 25 year olds should stop buying coffees and avocados and they’ll be able to buy housing that’s ten times their salary…

My point is people on here are claiming it's a marker of being some how "elite" and particularly successful to delay parenthood.

But if you have a very good career (the type I assume they are referring to) it is perfectly possible to have heaps of fun in your twenties and buy a nice house and have a decent chunk of savings in time to have children by 30.

I loved my "youth" as you call it, but I didn't feel it was over when I had children. I have had a blast throughout my thirties bringing them up and enjoying adventures with them. Life doesn't stop when children are born.

I continued my education and graduated at 21 (studying with a child is much more flexible than working in my experience - It was also the last year of student grants). Then I worked part time when my son was young, bought my first house at 22 when houses were still affordable. I got to travel and enjoy my twenties with my son rather than before him so no I don’t think my age was a disadvantage.

But then, I'm not selfish, so

What is wrong with you @SquashedMallow? I can't work out if you are stupid or just bitter, bored?

I agree. I think there are probably genetics at play here.

I had DS at 45. No issue conceiving, easy pregnancy, natural birth. My dm had babies at 34 38, 42, 44, no issues, all dsis have had babies in their forties, as did my paternal grandparents. For some families, it is completely routine.

It's hardly delusional if they are actually having children in their 40s. Which women have always done, by the way.

What is delusional is thinking having kids in your 20s works for everyone. Particularly when it is not remotely a priority for most 20 something men, let alone women. It takes two to tango and so much is blamed on women's choices, when in fact many men don't want to start a family until later in life.

And when was I supposed to fit in or afford having several kids before 30? My degree was 4 years, I was 19 when I started, having a September birthday. Then I worked as a paralegal for 18 months before going back to law school full time for a year. My training contract started when I was 26, we also bought a house then - practically unheard of now at that age, then we got married when I was 28 and had jyst qualified as a solicitor, and I had DD1 just over 12 months later. I was the first to have kids among my oldest friends and I don't see how it would have helped our situation in any respect to have kids a few years earlier. In fact it would have been rather reckless and stupid.

Didn’t say I was 38…

No, I am just pointing out that anyone claiming to be a massively successful high flying professional who only knows other high flying professionals and yet none of them are having babies till their fourti s like it's a badge of honour must be overstating their success or delaying children for other reasons because truly high flying professionals definitely earn enough to be financially stable long before their late thirties

Perhaps they haven't met their partners yet & areas where these jobs are tend to have prohibitive housing costs.

First births weren't always at a young age in the past. Both my grans were born around 1910. They were both one of many siblings, and ended up having to care for a family member in their early adult life - meaning they couldn't marry until they were a bit older. This wasn't an unusual situation in those days (often caring duties would fall to the only daughter/the youngest child/an unmarried child). One had her first child at 28, the other 38. They both had their last child at 42/43. Ages that are not so different to today.

Amongst my school friends (we were born early 1980s), our mum's were mostly aged mid 20s to mid 30s when they had us. One had a mum who had been 19, the other was about 43. Of all the mums, the oldest one was the coolest by far - she was so much more laid back (my friend was her 5th) and really into modern music, films, sport and travel.

actual high flying professionals will not be having babies in their 20s or very unlikely to do so. You would destroy your career in my industry by doing that. You can’t build a career in a competitive industry in a year or two. i don’t know anyone in my profession who had kids until well into 30s.