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Original poster

To discuss the societal impacts of older parents?

541 replies

Kindersurprising · 26/04/2025 21:22

I feel like this is a really under-discussed area, particularly as it’s now really extremely common (particularly in middle class circles) to have a first baby after 30 and in many cases 35+.

I feel like in 20 years we are going to see quite a big impact, in adults having fewer (if any) siblings due to parental age, caring for elderly parents while having small children themselves, a lack of grandparent support and I guess a smaller family circle much earlier on. I only realised today that it will be vanishingly rare for kids to have great grandparents soon - my DC have only one, through me.

The positives are often cited as more money, and more life experience.

I was 30 when DC2 was born, so somewhere in the middle and not a young parent as such. I often wonder what it would be like to have had them earlier.

How do you think this will play out in the next 20-50 years?

OP posts:
Crazyworldmum · 27/04/2025 00:56

Um in my 40 s and my parents in their early 60s , I have a 23 ,8 and 3 year old . Most adults live quite a independent life until at least mid 70s most often the 80s so children will be adults anyway ? I think this idea that older peopLe will all need massive help is ridiculous. My parents are completely capable

meevee · 27/04/2025 00:54

whereas the children of older parents tend to be feral, entitled, and the parents seem almost scared of them.

Must be true then

MissHoneyPenny · 27/04/2025 00:52

ReplacementBusService · 26/04/2025 21:33

My grandma's generation of women and before were having babies well into their 40s, until they hit menopause. There was minimal access to birth control. Older parents have always been a thing.

Agreed. My grandma had her 1st at 17 and her last at 42.

meevee · 27/04/2025 00:52

Nigel Farage is trying to breed an army of idiots.

I think it's working. Despite Brexit people will still want to vote reform 🤦🏻‍♀️

Imonlyhappywhenitrains · 27/04/2025 00:50

SquashedSquid · 27/04/2025 00:11

I feel really strongly about this.

DH is the product of older parents. They were both dead by the time he was 13, and he is massively fucked up because of it. As a result, he has absolutely nobody in life now to turn to, as all parent siblings are also dead. Seeing someone all alone is heartbreaking, and his care experiences are horrific.

Then there's the higher chance of having a neurodiverse or disabled child the older you get. If you don't think this is an issue in society, go and volunteer in a mainstream classroom for a week. I say this as a disabled person. What happens when the HUGE percentage of these children need looking after when they're no longer in school and no longer have parents?

Lastly, and this may be coincidental, but in all the schools I've ever taught in, the non-disabled children who usually cause the most issues are the children from older parents. The younger parents generally seem to have good boundaries, want their children to do well, and have high standards of behaviour, whereas the children of older parents tend to be feral, entitled, and the parents seem almost scared of them.

If I hadn't had a child by the time I was 25, I wouldn't have had children. If that meant no children, I was happy to accept that and move on. DH feels the same.

That's really sad for your DH.

I think your observations on older parents and their children's behaviour are an example of correlation rather than causation, possibly.

Neurodiverse/quirky/high IQ people likely tend to have kids later - I personally had zero desire to have children till I got to 34/35 (not that I'm claiming a high IQ)- and traits tend to be passed down...

User46576 · 27/04/2025 00:50

Smallsalt · 27/04/2025 00:22

All the old parents should be taken out and shot. Or jailed at the very least. How dare they destroy society in this way. Evil bastards.

And let's their neurotypical non disabled perfectly well adjusted off spring staigh into care or at least hand them over to some young parents who will sort out this terrible societal catastroph.

Edited

Yip - some 15 year olds should be able to parent them better. And do their education at the same time. Cos we all know how good 15 year olds are at multitasking

Meadowfinch · 27/04/2025 00:49

SquashedMallow · 27/04/2025 00:26

Once again. : such an assumption that birthing children in your 20s equals poor , uneducated, no financial security.

Once again : married, home owner , career (progression came later) completed aged 27. I'm sick of this assumption that only the "proper" "worthy" people have children in their 30s+. Such a misconception

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@SquashedMallow I didn't make any assumptions or comments about parents in their twenties, poor, Ill educated or otherwise.

I simply said that for me personally, given my background, it was very important to feel completely secure in terms of financial and career security. I took time to do that, and have raised a happy, kind, decent, healthy, well educated DS in comfortable circumstances, and am happy with that achievement.

The timing anyone chooses to raise their family is completely down to their choices and preferences. It is not for me or you to tell them what they should do.

Intranslation · 27/04/2025 00:48

Frozenpeace · 27/04/2025 00:44

I am in one of those professions Grin

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The question is more 'why wouldn't you?' Why train for years for something and then have a baby instead of a promotion? Well, do if you want to but don't critique those of us who took a different path

AthWat · 27/04/2025 00:47

I was born in 1969 and I not only never met my great grand parents, I have almost no knowledge of who or what they are or were. I only ever met two of my grandparents.

Macarena1980 · 27/04/2025 00:46

People are living longer in better health in their old age. I had my 2 at 38 and 40. My parents turned 70 when my first was born, my mum was considered an old mum in her day at 32. My mum and dad have both been very helpful to me, I wouldn’t say I’m at the caring stage for them, we help each other out. Most of my friends of similar age have their kids around same time with grandparents in 70’s who help our. If my children have babies in their 30’s, I imagine I’ll be in my 70’s too. Think it’s all going fine, don’t worry about it!

meevee · 27/04/2025 00:46

@Frozenpeace share how you did it then so I can tell my friends and family where they have gone wrong?

User46576 · 27/04/2025 00:46

exactly. I suppose it different with something less competitive eg school teaching. But no one in my career is “sorted” by 30.

tbf if you are in a position to have kids in your 20s and have the maturity to do so, that’s all good. But that’s fairly rare these days due to the cost of housing. Also if you don’t feel mature enough (as I didn’t) you should wait. And no one is really mature enough to have kids in their teens imo - it happens and you have to make the best of it but it’s not desirable

meevee · 27/04/2025 00:45

Yes but it's perfectly achievable if you are earning very well and you don't go out spending everything you earn.

well if you are saying it's true, it must be 🤷🏻‍♀️

Intranslation · 27/04/2025 00:44

SquashedMallow · 27/04/2025 00:38

When the hell did I say I was 20?

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If anyone is young in year it's quite easy to be 20 in last year of uni. I was that age group. However, there was zero chance of property ladder participation pre early 90s property slump in my generation

Frozenpeace · 27/04/2025 00:44

meevee · 27/04/2025 00:43

But i've been responding to the posters upthread claiming it's the professional elites having babies late. As if it's just lesser, socially and intellectually inferior parents having babies in their late twenties /early thirties and almost implying we are somehow delinquent.

Nobody has said people having dc in their early 30s are delinquents! Do you have any female friends that are dentists, surgeons, lawyers, etc? those jobs can be demanding and all consuming with years of training & working hard. Often women need to get to a certain stage so they can have dc

I am in one of those professions Grin

PersonalBest · 27/04/2025 00:43

SquashedMallow · 27/04/2025 00:38

I'm so sorry... Someone has a similar name to me 😆

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No worries

meevee · 27/04/2025 00:43

But i've been responding to the posters upthread claiming it's the professional elites having babies late. As if it's just lesser, socially and intellectually inferior parents having babies in their late twenties /early thirties and almost implying we are somehow delinquent.

Nobody has said people having dc in their early 30s are delinquents! Do you have any female friends that are dentists, surgeons, lawyers, etc? those jobs can be demanding and all consuming with years of training & working hard. Often women need to get to a certain stage so they can have dc

Intranslation · 27/04/2025 00:40

meevee · 27/04/2025 00:31

You then move up Into detached /bigger/better when the equity builds. Depends what your priorities are.

Have you seen what has happened to flat prices in many parts of London post Brexit? property ladder doesn't really work like it used too.

I'm 60 and I've never lived in an area where a million pound house was a mansion. We are 50 mins out of London and a detached 4 bed on a main road in 800k, a quiet street 4 bed semi is 650-700.

SquashedMallow · 27/04/2025 00:38

SquashedMallow · 27/04/2025 00:38

When the hell did I say I was 20?

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I'm so sorry... Someone has a similar name to me 😆

80smonster · 27/04/2025 00:38

Nigel Farage is trying to breed an army of idiots. The world is going to hell in a hand cart and people are worried about older parents. Climate change feels way more fucking pressing. If the planet is an inferno in 50 years, the notion of over breeding/populating becomes totally obsolete.

SquashedMallow · 27/04/2025 00:38

PersonalBest · 27/04/2025 00:35

Very unusual, to be in last year of uni at 20 and also have an income to buy a house. But you say you did it. So well done I guess.

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When the hell did I say I was 20?

SquashedMallow · 27/04/2025 00:37

Frozenpeace · 27/04/2025 00:31

Really? To buy a sensible family house and live a reasonable lifestyle.

If you are saving from when you start earning it's still very possible on a decent salary.

I think it's fine to say with a more modest career it's very hard. But i've been responding to the posters upthread claiming it's the professional elites having babies late. As if it's just lesser, socially and intellectually inferior parents having babies in their late twenties /early thirties and almost implying we are somehow delinquent. Yet if they really are as successful as they claim then that delay in parenthood not really and truly about finances, it's about only wanting to have a baby if you can live a very particular lifestyle on those salaries. Or it's just about prioritising career and having fun for many years hich is fine too, of course it's fine, but it doesn't make those who are ready for and prioritised children much sooner any "less" as people or parents.

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👏👏👏

Frozenpeace · 27/04/2025 00:37

meevee · 27/04/2025 00:34

Really? To buy a sensible family house and live a reasonable lifestyle.

To have fun in your 20s, buy a house in your 20s & save a decent chunk & have a child at 30? This would certainly take some money.

Yes but it's perfectly achievable if you are earning very well and you don't go out spending everything you earn.

PersonalBest · 27/04/2025 00:35

SquashedSquid · 27/04/2025 00:14

Agreed. I was 20 when I bought my first house. I was in my last year of uni, was in a stable relationship I'd been in since I was 17, and we just went for it. By the time I had my children (both before I was 25), I was married, a graduate with a professional career and owned two businesses.

But then, I'm not selfish, so 🤷🏼‍♀️

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Very unusual, to be in last year of uni at 20 and also have an income to buy a house. But you say you did it. So well done I guess.

Intranslation · 27/04/2025 00:35

I'm 60, I knew when I was 16 I did not want children while I was still in my 20s. Many of my contemporaries graduated, married and had children putting their careers on the back burner. This was never me and I have no time for the argument you can do career after having kids before you have established it and do double-income-no-kids lifestyle and travel afterwards. Being an older parent is better for many of us.

But the bottom line is that there will always be young and old parents and society will cope.

Way back when my grandparents on both sides had 9 kids. So in no way could they be of an age to look after the kids of their younger children. So many myths about demographics, of which this is just one permutation.

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