To discuss the societal impacts of older parents?

So a very limited experience then in terms of what you were implying?

Thing is though who cares, nothing can be done. We cant encourage talented individuals to not bother having careers just so they can pump out kids to be raised by barely grown adults.
People being carers for elderly relatives is a choice somewhat but I'd never expect a child to do that for me, frankly anyone who does has no business being a parent. This is inevitable due to increasing elderly population, me having 6 kids by my 30s is not going to relieve pressure on myself, family or the state.
The vast majority of young people could not afford to support a family and household on the wages they make in their 20s so what are we encouraging people to give up work now too?

I agree entirely. We're a selfish generation or two. It's all 'me me me and my career' and travel. And there's so much over planning and over thought into every minutiae of planning a family. It's utter overkill. Stable relationship -essential. Own home - pretty much essential. Good enough salary in a secure job -essential.

I blame the parents!

The problem with personal anecdotes like this is that there are many other accounts where people had positive experiences of older parents.

Just as there are some who didn't enjoy having younger parents, some who did.

Doesn't make your experience invalid, just limited in it's use as an indicator of what having older parents are like.

Yes but those children had lots of older siblings in most cases so things like elderly care could be shared out.

But children are spread out from
parents often so they can't always physically do elderly care or have more demands on their time, eg retirement age has increased.

I would have loved to meet the love of my life when I was 22, marry him when I was 24, have my first child when I was 26, and my next child when I was 28, and then live happily ever after with my husband and children, but that did not happen. I am very sorry. I can't turn back time.

I think so, one factor is the improved survival rate for very premature babies, they often have additional needs and may need full time care.

My grandma's generation of women and before were having babies well into their 40s, until they hit menopause. There was minimal access to birth control. Older parents have always been a thing.

yeah, do people forget contraceptive wasn't always a thing!

I don't think it's discussed that much from the children's perspective. My mom was 46 having me, dad was 54. I come from a large catholic family mom being 42 and then 46 having the last 2 kids. Both of us youngest have been through a childhood where we had no living grandparents. Where our parents were mistaken for our grandparents ALL the time. Where they were not able to do the things our friends parents were able to do in terms of physical play, and there was a big cultural/ technological/ generational divide between us and them - and between them and the parents of our friends which was really really hard. And extended family as aunties and uncles were also in their 40s or older when we were born and that also had an impact. We love our parents and are very lucky they are still alive now we are in our 40s but neither of us feel it's ok to have kids in your 40s, and we would not do it based on our experience of growing up with parents that age. I have friends having IVF and this year I know people 40, 42 and 43 having babies and I am delighted for them on a personal level but I really feel for those babies and the feelings you have when people ask you if your parents are your grandparents as a kid and everything that goes with it. I would never discuss it in real life with anyone other than that sister.

Got a bit of a downer on what you consider older parents, huh op?

Do you really believe what you stated earlier that on mumsnet the negatives of older parents have never been discussed?

For example I know quite a few couples with disabled DC, who will obviously have to stop caring for them earlier due to their age. So I think another consequence will be more DC needing state care earlier.

Are there statistically more disabled dc?

People had dc in their 30s years ago, they just started earlier and had more dc.

We already have an ageing population which has economic implications.

Potentially:

• less familial childcare, as grandparents may be more elderly and less able;
• more younger people being carers to elderly parents
• fewer children born as a result of these points
• more people finding that childcare and elder care responsibilities impact on their career, so may have lower lifetime earnings and pension
• increasing levels in the population of additional needs, including severely life limiting, because of the age of parents and also the increased risks associated with pregnancy and birth.

But I would also argue that the way our society is set up right now means that the trend towards older parenthood is unlikely to change. If you can’t afford your own house or flat until you’re over 30, you aren’t going to be able to consider starting a family, unless we go back to the 1920s levels of home economics with multiple generations sharing a 2-up 2-down terrace, the night shift workers taking the beds as the day workers get up.

My grandparents were still older parents to my own parents as they both had lots of children and my parents were younger ones in their families (I think my grandad was 40 when my dad was born but he was married before also). That grandad lived to 103 and saw plenty of great grandchildren as did my great grandmother who lived to 101. I don't think it is a new thing for that reason. Plenty of people in the 50s having 6 or 7 kids so the last ones were born when they were late 30s or early 40s.

I agree entirely. We're a selfish generation or two. It's all 'me me me and my career' and travel. And there's so much over planning and over thought into every minutiae of planning a family. It's utter overkill. Stable relationship -essential. Own home - pretty much essential. Good enough salary in a secure job -essential. 10 million pound saved up for bamboo toys and Sebastians future neuro science degree, 5 trips to Australia and CEO of Barclays - not essential.

Yes, we'll pay for it as a society later on. Definitely.

Ha! No - last living at home ended up with all the care responsibilities.

I had older parents (Mum, 46 & Dad, 50) and I was a carer from the age of 10.

I knew my dad’s parents but my mum’s died before I was born

my older siblings (20 year age gap to my eldest) STILL didn’t know our great grand parents but knew both sets of grandparents

it was shit having older parents, more shit because of added disability leading to caring at a young age. I was a carer for 30 years until they’d both died and have brought up kids along side (as have my siblings)

Also my mil complained about me working, offered zero help, but expects her children to mind her now as they owe her. Apparently.

Why? It’s an 8 bed home I’m not talking about every disabled child in the world.

I feel like some of these things are more of an issue than others. It's already quite uncommon to know your great grandparents. For most children, great grandparents would be very elderly and hardly a hands-on presence in their life so I'm not sure this is much of a problem.

Im sort of in this position in that I have young children born when I was in my mid 30s and my parents had me when they were 35 so they are in their 70s. I'm an only child. They are really hands on and don't need my help at the moment, if anything it's the other way round! I will be happy to do anything I can for them as they gave me a great childhood and I have great relationships with them, as do my children. I imagine it will be hard when they are in their 80s and my kids are teenagers, but not different to what my in laws experienced really when they were in their 50s and their parents were ailing - they were still working and by that point were also grandparents to BIL/SIL kids so still sandwich caring!

Where I live, parents are significantly above the national average age (we're in London). DH and I who are not young parents often see people with babies who look closer to 50 than 40. I'm not really sure what the consequences of this are, if any, but it's really noticeable where I live. When we did our NCT classes at 33 we were the youngest people.

I think it's been discussed a lot.

My opinion is that older parents (age brackets as above) will only bring about more self aware, confident children which will overall be a benefit to society.

Yes there are negatives as mentioned above but life experience, maturity, patience, stability (financial and physical) leave people better suited to bring up children. I know a few friends who had children young with big age gaps before having the second child and all have found it to be a more positive experience and that they were in a far better place to raise children when in their 30s as opposed to early twenties.

With regards to having less grandparent involvement, I'm not sure it matters as my parents are still working FT and I'm mid 30s with 1 child so it wouldnt be any different if I'd had them in my 20s. With regards to great grandparents I had 2 that I remember but the truth is as young children they didnt bring an awful lot to my life as they were both elderly and we only saw them occasionally and I was mostly afraid of them as a child and found them boring.

In general a smaller family circle isnt necessarily a bad thing- as seen repeatedly on here so many people have such toxic family with outdated attitudes that children would be better off without. People can grow a village of support and make friendships which are just as fulfilling if not more so than some relatives.