To discuss the societal impacts of older parents?

She clearly isn't saying that. But nobody notices okder mums now because they don't look older.

And we are living longer and being healthier. With medical advances everyday, who knows how much better things will be in 40 years.

Are you just trying to upset people?

I had my Dd at age 39, after neair

Of course, I’m not saying it’s a given.

I was just saying that realistically they have more time to be grandparents if they’re not workers.

If millions of women were having their first dc in their 40s the OP may have a point but that's not the case

That must have been really tough for you and I say this gently and just because it’s part of the discussion, but how is old age relevant here? why were they both disabled? Not old age - they weren’t old when you became their carer. I mean people did used to seem older at 60 or even 50 than they do now but even then, most people were not/are not needing care in their 50s or 60s. And even despite your parents’ disabilities, you were 40 when they died so their age didn’t prevent you having time with them.

people get way too worked up about this all anyway. Life is short and muddled. People have ups and downs and do things at different times to other people. Have different experiences and different bodies and health issues and mental health issues and all sorts. There is not a perfect time to have kids. People regularly get sick when they’re young and young people become disabled too. Mental health can be debilitating and twenties are often a very bad time for this even if physically good for having kids.

(for what it’s worth I had older parents too and it’s not been an issue for me. Had other friends with older parents - in fact most of my school friends did.) only One girl got really worried because her mother, who was the younger partner, kept bleating on about how her dad was sooo old. Well the guy is still fit as a fiddle over two decades later and all that worrying was for nothing. On the other hand, a friend of mine who was desperate to have kids young so as to avoid the pitfalls of the ‘geriatric pregnancy’ had them in her 20s and has since been diagnosed with an incurable degenerative condition which impacts all of their lives on an almost daily basis.

and yes there’s the whole ‘it’s more likely they’ll die’ thing. Of course! But I’m not about to start telling a loving mother not to have a kid because she’s over 35 ffs. Let’s focus our attention on worrying about the people who actually harm kids, not just the ones for whom life didn’t pan out to a perfect timescale.

My parents were ‘older’ when they had me, I had my children in mid to late 30s and thankfully my parents have been a fantastic help and enjoyed doing so. They’ve kept themselves healthy and fit down the years

People are living longer and are staying healthier so consequence wise it’s not a biggie. Generally
children don’t ’look after’ their elderly these days anyway, they pack them off to the OAP home / outsource the care.

People generally can’t afford to have children young these days. In olden days you might get a council house, these days you get fuck all.

Advantages of older parents are they can often provide a financially stable home and the benefit of their experience. Many older mums are in my experience, educated with a good career so know how to look after themselves and their children well

I think the people who are shocked about childcare bills will be really shocked when they find out how much care homes cost.

I hear all the time at the outrage of the cost of childcare.. but rarely how that cost is about the same as a care home fees... only child care is about 8 hours a day and care homes are 24/7

FWIW, I insisted on having amnios during both my pregnancies to rule out any possible ‘complications’ due to being over 35. XH was 13 years older than me and we didn’t think we’d be able to care for a severely disabled adult child into old age. Fortunately both DC are now relatively healthy adults (my DD is epileptic).

That’s unkind, no need, unfortunately due to child care costs, and housing it’s harder to have children these days.
It’s relative to the time frame or decades from which folks had their children years ago.

I had a big gap with my children, for me the experience in my 20s was much, much more positive. I had more energy, more patience, loved playing with them, sleepless nights had very little impact on me. I've found it more challenging having 1 in my late 30s, although my youngest is disabled so that makes parenting a lot more challenging, but the disability may also be a result of me and DH having him older as the risk does increase with parental age.

Christ OP.
I had my DC at 32 & 35. They are now 23 & 26. My parents are mid - late 80s and only just starting to need a bit of extra help from me. DH has retired & I expect to retire in a year.
If there are problems ahead I’m not seeing them.

Don't act like this hasn't always happened! I've just had my 3rd at 37. It wasn't planned.. I naturally fell pregnant. Women would regularly be having babies into their 40s if fertile in the past . The age menopause starts has not massively changed over time..
It's absolutely not some modern thing to be having babies in your 30s ffs!!!
What you maybe mean is having your first child then..
But honestly what real difference does that make?
Biggest worry is a dwindling birthrate and an aging population.. not the age women are having babies at but that they are just not choosing to have them at all in the UK!
For what it's worth it had my first at 27 and I felt like a teenage mother. I was the youngest in any group I attended. Only one of my friends had had a baby at that point..
But now I'm 37 not many more of my friends have had babies either!! They've just chosen not to be mothers.

I did the same thing at 33. Really made sure I was ready in everyway. Learned from their mistakes I guess!

The positive is kids will inherit at an age which will benefit them rather that when they're old. My parents had me at 23. I became a parent at 32 and 41 then 42.

I had 2 great grandparents until I was mid 30s. My DS was 10 so had 2 great great grandparents.

I think lifestyle plays a part, not just age. MIL was 23, FIL late 20's when DH born. A poor lifestyle led to MIL being too ill to work or drive by 60 & required full time care. Passed at 70. FIL's now rapidly declining. He's the same age as my DM, but more like my DGM was at 100. They never exercised, ate poorly & didn't look after their health (MIL was extremely obese).

My own parents were DM 31 & DF 35 when I was born (old then!). They're 76 & 83 now & still require no help (except tech!) from me. They eat well, drive, travel & still walk 5km round trip to the shops for coffee & lead full lives. This will change eventually, but the point I'm making is that lifestyle & genetics play a part, not just age.

I'm not het up at all, just saying things you don't want to acknowledge.

If you wanted to genuinely discuss the effects of older parents on society, you'd be up for acknowledging the advantages bestowed upon society by families with older parents of which many have been stated.

You'd also not be spoutingnconstant mistruths, and stating things as facts with no evidence or links to back them up.

And certainly not be accusing anyone who disagrees with you and calls you out on the above of being 'het up'.

Laughable that you come on here pretending you want to discuss a sociological idea in such a one sided and biased way.

Exactly.

My parents weren't abusive and tried their best but they were young when they had me and my sister and it was always a struggle financially. I didn't want children for a long time because of it but I eventually realised that things could be very different if I had my own children and I was determined it wouldn't be such a struggle financially which meant not having my first DC until 36.

I have no children so fall into neither category but much better an older parent than someone like you, OP, who takes pleasure in trying to make strangers feel guilty about the way their life has played out. Not a great example to be setting your children to indulge in online nastiness. One of the downsides of having children young funnily enough, the lack of maturity issue.

You may have a 'professional job where I can sign people's passports' (nice little side brag there) but this thread and your posts on it reflect poorly on you.

You can’t win.

Teen mother - Tut tut
Mother in 20’s - but she could have achieved x, y, z.
Mother in 30’s - leaving it a bit late aren’t you?!
Mother 35+ - Tut tut, destroying the traditional extended family, ‘causing’ additional needs
Spinster - ignored

Its fun being a woman

Older people now are generally younger. DM had me when she was 33; I always remember her being old and she died when she was 60. I saw a photo of my GGM when she was my age now (early 50s) and she was an old lady with grey hair and looked like how I remember my Nan from childhood. I am not an old lady. DC were born when I was 29 and 31; not sure whether that makes me an older mum or not, but we’re finally financially secure and can help DC, while still hopefully having 20/30 good years left in us. Age isn’t what it used to be, because we age better.

I hear you OP. I live in a community where it's common to have your kids really young. One of my son's friends is 15, has a mum of 41, a 24 year old sister who is also a mum, a granny of 60, and great grandma of 80-odd.

In so many ways not ideal, yet having struggled with my own kids completely alone, (primary school ages when I was in my 40s), elderly mother with dementia and my own fecking menopause, I now ENVY that type of family so much!

You hear so many people saying 'well my parents are in their 70s and fit as fiddles', but in my experience, once grandparents are in their 80s things take a very different turn and you can end up in a bleak place, as users of the Elderly Parents board here will testify.