To discuss the societal impacts of older parents?

You realise you can start education with a child.

And how does one fund this in today's world?

How on earth do you think people coped years ago when most mothers started reproducing in their teens?

When did most mothers start reproducing in their teens?!

And also, you do realise not everyone wants a career. It is ok for some people to just want a secure 'job'- another societal problem.

Jobs are less secure now days & often don't pay well...

starting their families?

Ok. Well, I'll have to disagree. I was financial secure and completed my family by 27. Most of my colleagues were 20s having children. (Qualified career requiring university degree) There's a massive difference between financial security and greed.

Poor outcomes for teen mums aren’t because they had children as teens, it’s because teen mums tend to come from more deprived backgrounds anyway. There’s plenty of research about this. If those teen births didn’t happen their outcomes would still be the same.

How on earth have you heard that? It’s very rare for people to buy family homes at under 30 - the average age of first time buyers (many of whom are not buying family homes) is over 30.

it is true that older parenthood correlates strongly with education and wealth. That’s because women with a higher level of education and career tend to prioritize being financially stable before children. Which leads to much better outcomes for them and their children

You realise you can start education with a child. By the time she was 22 her child would have been at full time school ! It's not impossible! Plus, sometimes you make do. You get things sorted as you go by.

How on earth do you think people coped years ago when most mothers started reproducing in their teens? Times were tough in the world but they didn't consider themselves "children". That's half our problem now, we're infantilism older teens and adults. My mil had 2 babies by 18 (she was married )

We're obsessed with perfection.

And also, you do realise not everyone wants a career. It is ok for some people to just want a secure 'job'- another societal problem. Looking down on people in 'jobs' who don't want a 'career'. So pretentious and "better than" yours sincerely from someone with a career (that damn well doesn't take precedence over my children)

Yes, my parents were 23 and 25 when I was born. I had 2 great grandparents, one who died when I was 18 months old and the other when I was 7.
I had 3 grandparents as my maternal grandmother died before I was born.
This was in the 1950s so it’s not new and not related to elderly parents

@SquashedMallow

You can see actual statistics here

www.statista.com/statistics/294594/mother-average-age-at-childbirth-england-and-wales-by-child-number/

Women have been having babies in their 30s for decades...

My mum and dad had me at 28, but 2 of my grandparents died before 40. The other two died in their 70s. God that’s a bit worrying to think about…

My partner’s parents had him at 38 but his grandparents lived until late 80s (one) and late 90s (the other).

So it doesn’t really matter in the long run, all depends on the health and life span of the grandparents.

I'm not sure we are a selfish generation.

I was raised in a large family. My parents went on having babies despite not being able to provide for us. We were just a by-product of their sex life. Childhood was cold, miserable, poor and indifferent.

We were taught by my dm to think having children was a waste of of a life , and that getting pregnant was the worst thing that could happen to a woman. That we should never ever trust a man. That marriage only benefitted men. Unsurprisingly we grew up with slightly odd views which took a while to iron out!

I have one DC, born when I was 45. He has never gone without, has holidays, hobbies, space, privacy, my time, friends. He knows I will always have his back. I am a fit, cheerful, full time working 61yo with an adequate pension. When I die DS will be well provided for. I have stayed single to ensure he has a happy stable home. Everything I do is to give him a better upbringing than I had.

I don't think that is selfish.

My mum was a teacher, my dad a farmer.
They had my brother at 24, my sister at 26 and me at 33.
When I was 17, I got home from school one day and then when Mum got home, she sat me down at the kitchen table and half-laughing and half-hysterically, told me she thought she was pregnant.
She was 50 years old and she was horrified. I think she was most horrified that people would know she and my dad were “doing it.” After all, she taught first grade in our very small town and we knew everybody.
It turned out to be menopause.
And I could see in her eyes that she was disappointed even though she told me she was relieved.
I never told anyone else.
I think about that every time a discussion like this comes up.

@hazelowens I can't remember which comment of yours I was replying too, I can't filter on the app unfortunately.

Why does this always have to come down to extremes? It's not a choice of 16 or 44! Imho 20s are for pregnancy and childbirth. We're just being delusionally led into think it's 30s , and even 35+ now. It's not healthy. Yes, there'll be a million reasons people come out with why that's not possible, fine. For some it isn't. But I hear time and time again on here "me and DH have actually been together since we were 18, got itr first home aged 24 - only just decided to have our first child aged 37" or people musing "career career career blah blah blah , kids in my 30s" like it's the thing the "worthy" people do. Career can be established, but you don't have to progress! Not right away (if ever) family is important too!!! So many people just see it as "like those chavvy poor people" to prioritise a pregnancy over a career promotion.

It's worn like some badge of honour by the snobby middle classed ones "oh yes, like all my NCT group are 45+, I'm the youngest one by far at 39 with my first "

Bloody delusional !

The only disadvantage of being a 17 year old mother is society judging you? What about not being financially secure? Being a child yourself? Not having finished your education? Are none of those something you consider a disadvantage?

My youngest is 18 this year so yes grown up but don't know how I am out of touch?

& what counts as high level special needs?

@Kindersurprising is that 1 in 15 babies born with high level special needs?

This is the downside to young parents - when they are old so are their children and it’s old people looking after old people.

My FIL died 4 yrs after his mum.

Even if those stats are correct, 14 out of 15 don’t. Also many kids with additional needs are born to young parents and there are other reasons for the increase eg cousin marriage, foetal alcohol syndrome, etc

I'm 60, very few people I know had great grandparents.

does annoy me men don’t lose their ability to procreate.

their sperm quality does decline though, obviously the media doesn't really focus on this. eg older fathers increase autism risk.

I think you’ve been fairly offensive to a number of people here OP (those with only children, women who have had children over the age of 30 etc).

I’m in both those groups. I never met my great grandparents because they were killed in the holocaust & I have a disabled sibling that I shall be caring for when my mother is unable to. I was also unable to have a second/third child (which was the dream).

Have I done something wrong? Have I acted in a way that has something punished or hurt society?

NB: I still have my two grandmas so both my children know their great grandmas!

There are two sides to this. My GM had my Mum
when she was 19. This left my Mum in her late 70s looking after my very infirm almost 100 yo GM. This is the downside to young parents - when they are old so are their children and it’s old people looking after old people.

I had my two children at age 17 and 42. (I would say that I parent the same so far, maybe a bit lazier now) The main difference for me is that I didn’t have a support network of mums as a teen, although I did have my mum then. There is definitely more judgement towards teen mums than older mums but the only disadvantages of being a young mum is how society views you!