To discuss the societal impacts of older parents?

Agreed. I was 20 when I bought my first house. I was in my last year of uni, was in a stable relationship I'd been in since I was 17, and we just went for it. By the time I had my children (both before I was 25), I was married, a graduate with a professional career and owned two businesses.

But then, I'm not selfish, so 🤷🏼‍♀️

People can’t afford university degrees, even with help.
In the US, minimum wage is a pathetic $7.25/hr.
While it’s higher in some “blue” states, the “red” states continue to suffer.
And our president and his Republican friends in Congress are close to passing another huge tax cut for their billionaire donors and friends.
The tariff fiasco continues.
To say it sucks wouldn’t describe how badly it truly sucks.

Ha! Tell that to those in trades - far better pay than most "educated" careers.

There's so much elitism here sometimes.

What on earth has the above got to do with my point about jobs being less secure now & you saying most mothers started having dc in their teens?! 😆😆

Most universities or employers offer support or funding for young mothers with children.

Do they? And do they pay rent too?

Women were considered "on the shelf" if they were unmarried and childless by 21. Which tells me, a good proportion would have been mothers already by that age.

Well I have shown your statistics that go back to 1938 so how old are you?

It doesn't take someone till they are 38 to "figure out who they are" and how to live life though. Plenty of people mature and have a strong sense of self and are ready for and want children in their twenties. Your prolonged journey to maturity doesnt mean everyone else takes that long

Absolutely.

I don't think anyone knows how to live frugally anymore either! Most people are in debt because they just can't manage their money. Can't go without. Still want foreign holidays and nights out. If you want a mortgage and to get on the property ladder - it all has to go ! You reap the rewards later. We're a very "I want it all and I want it now" generation.

I had my first child at 35 and second at 36 - I didn't have them earlier because I went to uni and had a horrible first marriage, then spending c9 years avoiding men before meeting my DH.

I dont think my age now is an issue esp as Im told I look a lot younger than I am. But I have slowed down and the big thing for me is it'll be 5 or 10 years before or if any grandchildren come along, which makes me feel a little sad.

Taking my own personal exp away from the discussion though, the main societal issue is that we need the younger generations working to cover paying for our pensions, if people have less children (and they are having less children in the West) then paying for pensions gets hard, that's why retirement age keeps moving up.

I think there's an ideal age to have children - probably mid 20's when health is good and energy levels are good until kids reach about 35yo. But it's hard to find the right man to have kids with, so for most this age isn't realistic. Looking at my friends, most had their kids at the same age I did or later too, so we are def not setting ourselves up well to be looked after well in our later years...

I feel really strongly about this.

DH is the product of older parents. They were both dead by the time he was 13, and he is massively fucked up because of it. As a result, he has absolutely nobody in life now to turn to, as all parent siblings are also dead. Seeing someone all alone is heartbreaking, and his care experiences are horrific.

Then there's the higher chance of having a neurodiverse or disabled child the older you get. If you don't think this is an issue in society, go and volunteer in a mainstream classroom for a week. I say this as a disabled person. What happens when the HUGE percentage of these children need looking after when they're no longer in school and no longer have parents?

Lastly, and this may be coincidental, but in all the schools I've ever taught in, the non-disabled children who usually cause the most issues are the children from older parents. The younger parents generally seem to have good boundaries, want their children to do well, and have high standards of behaviour, whereas the children of older parents tend to be feral, entitled, and the parents seem almost scared of them.

If I hadn't had a child by the time I was 25, I wouldn't have had children. If that meant no children, I was happy to accept that and move on. DH feels the same.

as I said, the average age of a first time buyer is over 30. If you haven’t even bought your first home, you’re not in a great place to have children. Especially in the uk with the current state of the rental market.

not sure what you mean by financially stable in your late twenties- that’s good for you but not the average. I had my own children particularly late but that worked well for me. I wanted to enjoy my youth and I did.

No, I am just pointing out that anyone claiming to be a massively successful high flying professional who only knows other high flying professionals and yet none of them are having babies till their fourti s like it's a badge of honour must be overstating their success or delaying children for other reasons because truly high flying professionals definitely earn enough to be financially stable long before their late thirties

But people in their late 30s/early 40s could certainly have become homeowners by their late twenties . House prices weren't always this crazy.

Rents have been high for some time & saving the high deposits required whilst paying rent is what delays home buying for many.

The fact remains most people aren't having dc in their 40s

I had my first child in my 30s. Before that, I spent my twenties building a career, learning who I was, and creating a stable and supportive life. That emotional and financial security meant that when I did have my child, I could be fully present. I see that same pattern across so many friends who also became parents later.

People are living longer and staying healthier for longer. Even if I’d had my child at 22, it would not have guaranteed multiple generations alive at once. My grandma had my mum at 18, but died in her 50s.

I think in 20-50 years it will be interesting to see kids with parents who chose to have them when they were ready — mentally, emotionally, financially — and families shaped more by love, intention, and resilience than patriarchal pressure to have children young.

Having kids later isn’t the beginning of social collapse — it’s just a different path to raising happy, well-supported people.

Ha! Tell that to those in trades - far better pay than most "educated" careers.

There's so much elitism here sometimes.

Most universities or employers offer support or funding for young mothers with children.

Women were considered "on the shelf" if they were unmarried and childless by 21. Which tells me, a good proportion would have been mothers already by that age.

I'm chiefly concerned about the growing percentage of men and women not having children at all. Will the state be able to support them all in older age?

I know a lot of people won't like this, but in my experience a lot of people I've known who had children younger, didn't make old bones, often seeming fairly elderly in their early 60s for example. It's as if they were on an accelerated life path. Research does indicate links between longevity and later fertility.

No , and it's an urgent conversation we need to have. Not helped by people denying the biological risks of a population delaying parenthood

But people in their late 30s/early 40s could certainly have become homeowners by their late twenties . House prices weren't always this crazy.

If it takes to your late 30s just to be "financially stable" then either.

• you have excessive expectations of what is required to be financially stable;
• you are very bad at budgeting ; or
• you cannot possibly be as "career driven" as you were making out.*

These posts are brilliant! 😆 Nothing to do with housing costs vs salaries, wage stagnation, childcare costs.

Even better for the issues of climate change and over population.

I think it's always been fairly rare to have great grandparents, I was born in the 70s and only 2 children in my primary school class had a great grandparent, it was something out of the ordinary then, first time mums were younger but life expectancy was also lower than it is today.
I had my first DC at 27 and both sets of GPS were still working and lived miles away so none of the GPs were particularly active in my DCs lives and support was minimal.
My grandma was more active in my upbringing and I stayed with her often during the school holidays. DHs grandma was also a more "present" GP.
I hope to be able to be a supportive GP but it's hitting the sweet spot of being retired and still active and healthy and living nearby.
Of course the older you are the less likely you are going to be able to cope with the physical demands of actively looking after and playing with young children, but given that retirement age is 67 and rising and that lots of people relocate I I think there is more to the lack generational support than the age you first have a baby, although clearly that is a big factor.
I was a bit sad my DC haven't had the same close relationship with GPS that both DH and I had but have long since accepted it. But it is nice that my DC met all of their GPS and still remember their grandads that have died.

Ok. Well, I'll have to disagree. I was financial secure and completed my family by 27

So you are disagreeing with statistics because they don't apply to you?

There's a massive difference between financial security and greed.

Financial security tends to involve housing security & most people aren't homeowners in their mid 20s today...

Really. This table suggests to the contrary, for starters.

The risks increase significantly.

We can't deny basic biology.

It’s much much harder to “start” education with a baby to look after. If you don’t have a family who will look after your baby for free, it’s practically impossible. That’s one of the reasons why teen mothers tend to have much lower levels of education than older mothers.

There hasn’t been a time in the uk for centuries when most mothers were in their teens. Certainly not when women have the right to education and careers.

women’s careers also invariably struggle when they have children. If you have already reached a certain level you are in a better place than if you are trying to get opportunities competing against a load of childless young people who can work longer and harder than you

If it takes to your late 30s just to be "financially stable" then either.

• you have excessive expectations of what is required to be financially stable;
• you are very bad at budgeting ; or
• you cannot possibly be as "career driven" as you were making out.

I didn't a career that required a chunky time at university and a low paid vocational stint. I was still financially stable by my late twenties

@SquashedMallow

starting their families?

The age of mothers of first child has moved from 26 to 29 but very normal to have dc in your 30s which is what I said.

You are the one who said the below...

"We're just being delusionally led into think it's 30s"

"How on earth do you think people coped years ago when most mothers started reproducing in their teens"

@SquashedMallow Not everyone meets the right person in their 20s. Not everyone is ready to be a parent in their 20s. I certainly wasn't. People's lives don't run like clockwork. People vary.

I grew up in extreme poverty, and I was determined I wouldn't bring a child into this world until I could provide it with a secure home and a decent childhood. Until I had a career and a secure income to support that child.

To me that is far more important than some random idea that '20s are for pregnancy and childbirth'

I was fit and healthy, has an easy trouble-free unassisted pregnancy and a natural birth for DS who was born bang on 50th percentile and healthy.

He will go off to university shortly, and have all the opportunities he could wish for. He will be under no pressure from me to produce children in his 20s. If he wants to be a dad at 50 that will be down to him and his future partner.

Families come in all shapes and sizes.

I had a great granny till I was 4. Lost my first grandparent at ,23 then the other 3 within 6 months of eas other at 32 and 33.

I feel like this is your experience but absolutely wasn’t mine as someone born mid eighties. My parents were 31/32 when I was born and definitely weren’t considered old. In fact all my friends parents were about the same age. One did have a third baby after we all went to secondary school and that was considered a bit old and unexpected but most of my friends had parents the same age as mine. My grandparents were even older as the war impacted them having children younger. Maybe it’s cultural or location based but I don’t think having had two children in my late thirties than most other mothers are a lot older. If anything most people are early thirties same as my parents. If I hadn’t had fertility issues I’d probably have been the same