To discuss the societal impacts of older parents?

I met my husband when he was 12, all
of his grandparents had died prior to this. X 2 of them died in their 60s and x2 in their 80s (FIL was the last baby).
I felt extremely lucky that I had my 4 grandparents and 1 great grandparent. Not many people I knew had a great grandparent I had her till I was 13.
it is fairly new concept in my opinion!
My daughter is 5, when she was born she had 3 great grandparents and as of January she has 0.
All lived to old age (91-93).
The thing that isn’t discussed enough is death being a natural part of life and that people can’t live forever. It is sad when older people die, especially when it’s your own. But it’s part of life!

Due to lack of contraception it was very common for women to have multiple children (my grandad was 1 of 9 and Nanna 1 of 6) and often last babies were born to older women (FIL born when his parents were 40) so not a new concept.

its the fact that people are living longer (not necessarily healthier) and as they get older need a lot more input and care. I don’t think age and lack children is the issue.

I only knew two grandparents as a child - two had died and the other two were in no fit state to look after children after fifty years of hard manual work had damaged their bodies that they were frail elderly despite being in their mid sixties.
Most of my grandchildren's grandparents are still working (either part time or full time) and have jobs which require a mix of knowledge and experience so not physically broken and still fit enough to look after young children. A fair few of my friends are in a similar situation - although some of us still have our own parents needing us as they in their nineties

Errrrmmm tell that to my friend who had an unexpected surprise in her 50s. Easy pregnancy, healthy baby, but the medics insisted on an induction at 40 weeks.

Interesting random fact my GP says the majority of the terminations she signs off on (apologies if that isn't the correct term, I don't want to offend anyone) are married women in their late 40s. The narrative that it is nearly impossible to fall pregnant at that age is quite unhelpful as people get careless with contraception.

That is your family experience. I had my dc at 40 and 42. No medical issues for me or my dc. It didn't find it hard on my body. I was however physically very fit, a long distance runner who worked in an outdoor physical job. I imagine that helped.

Wouldn't say it was common but FIL mother gave birth to him and twin at 51 - as many in her female line had before her - if you go down parish records and birth certificates as he has.

Either the birth certificate was wrong and all the extended family lying about her age or DNA testing that put his twin as full sibling to older child and cousin to both male and female sides as expected was wrong.

It's more likely that it was as stated a risky unexpected and fairly rare twin menopause pregancy that carried to term but MN always knows better .

Alert Cat
If you look back not very far into social history you will find exactly the same pattern being played out. I had three living grandparents when I was born, many people of my age had fewer. One set of grandparents were 300 miles away so no childcare there.
My mum's generation all looked after their elderly parents. Mum's just died, aged 94 for context. My mother's sister moved to Australia so couldn't help with parents.
Childcare and elder care have always had an impact on women's careers.
People in the past had babies into their 30s and 40s but mums of many children (ExDPs grandmother had 22) often died, possible severely disabled children did too. (I know it's awful).

Very little new here apart from generally smaller family sizes and the possible impact on one child looking after elderly parents. Friend is one of 4. All moved far from parents for work etc. The sister who lived nearest looked after parents.

I think the main way it will affect society is through the falling birth rate - not enough workers to pay taxes to look after retirees, etc.

People having babies later is part of the falling birth rate. But also I think it’s more of a symptom than a cause - people want to make sure they’re reasonably secure financially before having children and that takes much longer now than it did in the 80s or 90s.

There was a woman in the village that I grew up who had her only child at 49/50.

She has suffered from infertility her whole life.

It's extremely rare, but I suppose if you still have periods/are ovulating it can happen.

So I do believe your story.

My midwife told me she had delivered babies from women of 51 and 50 who had conceived naturally (and surely the midwife would know from medical records if the pregnancy was IVF). It may be very rare, but someone has to be the outlier.

No, it really isn't. My DH's mother was in her 50s when she had him.

It's not impossible. There have been recorded cases of women conceiving and giving birth in their 50s, though these are extreme outliers. But that is the nature of extreme outliers - very rare but not impossible.

Your grandmother did not get pregnant and given birth aged 52. Didn't happen. She probably played "mother" to one of her pregnant young teens children.

Women do not get pregnant (naturally) and carry a healthy pregnancy to term in their 50s. It's impossible!

Agree - I can see the reality of this on the two sides of my family. My 2 grans died a couple of decades ago, but in terms of their descendants:

My maternal grandmother born around 1910 had 2 children, which resulted in 4 grandchildren and 5 great-grandchildren (who are all currently under 10 so there won't be any new family members for a long time). So a total of 11 descendants.

My paternal grandmother, born around the same time, had 6 children, 18 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and there are 2 great-great grandchildren to date. A total of almost 60 descendants and more will be arriving regularly as many of the great-grandchildren are in their late 20s/early 30s.

I think there will be few large extended families like on my paternal side in the future.

It took the best part of a decade for us to have a baby due to unexplained infertility. Our DC will be our only child. We are fully aware that we are older parents, it most definitely isn't underdiscussed. It's just how life worked out for us.

But like some of the other older parents we know we are definitely keeping ourselves fit and healthy so that we can have as much time as possible with DC.

That has a lot to do with people having more divorces and subsequently new marriages or relationships , another thing to consider that’s impacting it . Plus man fertility issues are years behind women’s , women have always “ blamed “ for most fertility issues while men got away with the fact they could have babies for much longer .

I met the love of my life at 16 married at 26 first DC at 30 4th at 35. I do think it would have been nice to have them earlier but it wasn't the right time financially so made the right decision. They are in their mid to late 20s now

in 1980 about 43 babies were born each year to every 1,000 men aged between 35-39; by 2015 this had jumped to about 69 babies.

The figures are tiny which is the point....but yes the media doesn't acknowledge the men's sperm quality declines.

My friends parents were in their 40’s when they had her.

They outlived ALL of the young parents.

I’m 30, my parents and all of the parents of my friends were in their 30s when they had us, so I’d say this thread is at least a generation too late.

I don’t think women having kids in their late 30s is an issue, however I know several dads who had their first child after 50, I think that’s unfair. Their kids have got an old man picking them up from school, they may not see their grandkids, statistically far more likely to die when their child is still a young adult… I think it’s selfish.

The perils of putting off fatherhood: why it poses risks to children’s physical and mental health

And children born to older fathers face higher rates of conditions such as autism, schizophrenia and leukaemia.
In many countries, the birth rate among older fathers is increasing. In America, for example, in 1980 about 43 babies were born each year to every 1,000 men aged between 35-39; by 2015 this had jumped to about 69 babies.

...
Conceptions from older men are also more likely to end in miscarriage or stillbirth. And those babies born to older fathers are more likely than those conceived by younger men to be born preterm (between 32 and 37 weeks of pregnancy) or very preterm (between 28 and 32 weeks of pregnancy).
...

Robaire says that last year he gave a presentation on the topic to physicians specialising in obstetrics and gynaecology. Many were unaware of the link between male age and poor reproductive outcomes.

In a review paper published last year in Frontiers in Endocrinology, Robaire and his McGill colleague Peter Chan also underscored numerous epidemiological studies that have linked older fatherhood to health problems in their children.

Older fathers are more likely, for instance, to have children with birth defects such as cleft lip or a hole in the diaphragm, and the odds increase with each year of paternal age. Some cancers also become more common. A birth registry study of nearly 2 million children in Denmark found that a certain kind of childhood leukaemia increases in likelihood by 13% for every five years older the father is. The risk of brain cancer and breast cancer are also elevated in people born to older fathers.

There are also neurological effects. Children with fathers who are more than 40 at their birth are almost six times more likely to have autism than those whose fathers are less than 30, according to one study. Babies born to fathers aged over 50 face an up to fivefold increased risk of schizophrenia. Obsessive compulsive disorder, ADHD, bipolar disorder – all are more likely, research indicates, if the father is older.

I think maybe this just needs to be talked about more - most women are clued up and aware of risks.

I think for many waiting till fiancincial secure will still take time or those who meet later in life it won't affect but it might make a few couples think why are we waiting a few more years - I think a small section of men do sort of wait till they feel "old enough" as they feel time is on their side without being aware it comes it some risk.

I do not believe it's possible to have actually travelled the world whilst studying to be a lawyer.

Not the point of the thread but plenty will have done a years travelling pre or post uni.

I was not accusing you personally of bashing anyone, I was talking about what often gets said by young mum bashers on here. I also had my son young (16) so have noticed all the bashing that goes on here.

With regards people claiming to travel the world I wasn't aiming at you I was talking about the people that smugly claim to have travelled the world and studied to be a lawyer as if it makes them better than everyone else.

I do not believe it's possible to have actually travelled the world whilst studying to be a lawyer.
Travelling the world to me is more than just a week's holiday in Spain just my opinion

But the issue about the increase in children being born to older parents being more likely to have significant challenges is that that comes at significant cost to the public purse even parents dont receive other benefits.

@helpfulperson people keep saying this but what does it mean? The economic & social costs of an ageing population aren't because an extra 10,000 women had babies in their 40s 🤦🏻‍♀️

Money

Suitable mate

Women being more aware the additional work and responsibilities is expected to fall on them and think screw that

Break up of close communities

Getting older and being concerned about potential pregnancy/baby complications

And some women just generally knowing that the sacrifices, work and everything else that is involved in child rearing just isn’t worth it. They would rather keep their time as theirs, like many men have through the ages.