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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

The utter despair of losing something

139 replies

kindnessforthewin · 26/04/2025 20:34

I realised I had misplaced brand new expensive sunglasses today, around mid morning, I just thought I hadn’t seen them in a while, so checked the last place I remember having them (the car).

DH almost 100% I brought them un as we know not to leave anything in the car.

When we arrived at a soft play (of all places) I took them off and left in central reservation of car as I didn’t want to take them in. That was 10 days ago, I just knew they weren’t in the house as I’d have seen them. I have a couple pairs and just got stuck on the other pair recently, as you do.

I don’t understand it at all. It’s ruined the entire day. Taken over. I can’t stop wondering where they have gone.

anyone else get obsessive like this?

OP posts:

Original poster

kindnessforthewin · 27/04/2025 12:39

I packaged up and sealed the parcels before we left, so definitely not in there as I was wearing glasses on way to soft play. I have also thought about the clothes bag, I don’t remember throwing it away but I remember getting all the clothes out one by one. It was chaotic when we arrived home as the clothes just sat on top the wine rack in a bag until we were back from Easter. It’d be pretty careless to if they were thrown away with them.

OP posts:

TheCurious0range · 27/04/2025 12:32

I once got an email from a clothing brand to say I'd included my glasses in a return I'd sent to them, no idea and I'd been searching for them for days. Any chance they've ended up in your parcels or in the rubbish from DCs new clothes?

Original poster

kindnessforthewin · 27/04/2025 12:25

SapporoBaby · 27/04/2025 09:10

I absolutely hate losing things. I really obsess over it and can’t stop ruminating on where they might be for ages afterwards. So frustrating especially when the item is expensive or meaningful.

Welcome to the past 24 hours of my weekend. Absolutely everything has gone on hold. It’s a rare morning we don’t leave the house. I feel I’ve wasted all my gym energy looking. Still might go for a swim when DCs go down to take my mind off everything.

OP posts:

Original poster

kindnessforthewin · 27/04/2025 12:24

LushLemonTart · 27/04/2025 11:00

Have you looked under the car seats @kindnessforthewin ?

Yes thoroughly and so has DH

OP posts:

Original poster

kindnessforthewin · 27/04/2025 12:19

Mishmashs · 27/04/2025 07:11

It’s awful losing something. Years ago my dad gave me his late mother’s gold wedding ring with their initials and marriage date engraved on the inside. I had it at uni in a little metal tin where I kept my earrings and rings etc (none very valuable). One day I was getting something out and noticed the ring missing, I didn’t actually wear it at the time as I was only 19. Looking back I think the likely culprit was the uni flat’s cleaner (we were in flats in halls) as no one really came into my room as we flatmates tended to meet in the kitchen. And I’ve stayed friends with my four flatmates from that time and just can’t imagine them stealing a ring from me. I always wonder what happened to it and feel really bad for my dad who trusted me to look after it.

That’s heartbreaking and even worse is that you know for 100% certainly it was there and someone helped themselves.

OP posts:

LSmiff · 27/04/2025 11:17

As a small child I went to my dad’s work Christmas party. We had a bag of toffees that I lost somewhere along the way. I know it sounds quite ridiculous but I mourned the loss of the toffees that I didn’t even like for several years.

Original poster

kindnessforthewin · 27/04/2025 11:09

Annoyingly ring door bell subscription just ran out and we renewed it but no past footage from the past few weeks without it.

OP posts:

Original poster

kindnessforthewin · 27/04/2025 11:07

frozendaisy · 27/04/2025 08:57

We could find H’s work prescription glasses, he has two pairs but these were the more expensive and his favourites and the ones he kept at home.

They were last seen on kitchen side by radio where all glass are put if found. He usually keeps these ones in his office.

He searched, I searched we felt like we were going made so I said we need to accept for now they had gone.

Found a couple of weeks later, they had been picked up with a pile of books/papers, put on table in studio, got knocked off the side and where on the floor behind a bag, no one heard them fall (soft case).

So check back, side, under any furniture between door and around where you put them down.

All coat pockets, bags, check ring doorbell if you have did you come in wearing them after soft play.

So you came out of soft play, did you go anywhere after? Pick up any milk etc? Use a shopping bag for anything? Go to the boot?

Have you checked down sides of seats in car, go down on hands and knees with a torch!?

What about round front door outside? Anywhere they could have dropped getting keys out?

Not sure if you can tell we have been driven nuts looking for things before.

They are there, somewhere, they are in a small usual area, well unless you did something odd. Did you come back, kids wanted something, have you checked there? In kid’s wardrobes under their beds.

Bottom of umbrella stand? Or similar, in the recycle bin?

We came straight home and with two DCs, a couple shopping bags, it was quite chaotic. DH is sure he reminded me many times to take them out but I have no memory of that or taking them out. I personally went through new clothes for DC1, we o my buy him the next size up once a season so I carefully put them away and threw away shopping bag.

after putting DCs to bed, I did drive to newsagents, sent 2 parcels, had to drive home to print a label which DH printed out for me and ran out to car then went and sent other parcel. I think I possibly totally by accident didn’t lock the car when park outside newsagents and maybe left them on show?

we’ve had 2 different cleaners the last 2 weeks as our usual one is away. The first one was working that same day we got back from soft play, so not impossible she swept them up with rubbish she was taking out perhaps? She left about 30-45 min after we got back. Not impossible she took them or misplaced them as I genuinely never saw them after that Wednesday.

I don’t think cleaner who was here this week has moved them as I don’t recall seeing them. The house can get quite chaotic but I don’t lost things so everytime I need sunglasses I picked up the nearest pair and didn’t think anything of it.

the only other places I went were physio on Thursday but I had a bag with me and I didn’t have them. Friday I took DCs and dog for a walk, again I wouldn’t have gone out with them and back without them without realising. I loved those glasses and really would have remembered having them.

they went missing that Wednesday. Either from the car when I dropped deliveries, cleaner took them out with rubbish somehow in the chaos of us getting home and her leaving.

i honestly think I stupidly left them in car and somehow when bringing everyone in or dropping parcels someone has swiped them. We’ve had lots of things taken from the car over the years. 8 years ago we lived about 10 min away and we could hear people going up and down the road trying car doors at night, around the same time we had someone’s laptop bag land in our front garden and when we found a business card the owner said he’d left it in DBs car over night as he was visiting for work. Also around the same time I was in a hurry going away for a weekend and I flagged to DH I couldn’t remember locking car and he confirmed I left it unlocked and the shoes I had in the boot to return to the shop had been taken. Since living here, a very middle class area of London, we’ve had 2 cars stolen (key relay entry the first time and signal blocked the second time and car engine started by another device), we had rain coats stolen from the car, again accidentally probably left unlocked but we don’t keep valuables in the car but they will take anything. Neighbours have ring doorbell footage of a man going up and down trying car doors. Could very well be him. We are so careful to lock the car but going in and out with DCs unloading the car can take a while - we live in terrace housing. Parcels are stolen frequently from doorsteps.

the other possibility is I dropped them as I got out of car. But I’d like to think I’d have heard them.

OP posts:

crackofdoom · 27/04/2025 11:06

Auntiebenita · 27/04/2025 07:23

Off the subject I know, and I hope they turn up, but why on Earth do you ever leave the car unlocked? I never ever do, it only takes a couple of seconds to lock it (and I live in a relatively safe, quiet place).

Show quote history

I never ever lock my van (live somewhere extremely rural), and not once has one of my sacks of well rotted manure gone missing.

WingBingo · 27/04/2025 11:04

For those losing AirPods, “find my” on an iPhone will locate them.

LushLemonTart · 27/04/2025 11:00

Have you looked under the car seats @kindnessforthewin ?

Original poster

kindnessforthewin · 27/04/2025 10:55

SapporoBaby · 27/04/2025 09:10

I absolutely hate losing things. I really obsess over it and can’t stop ruminating on where they might be for ages afterwards. So frustrating especially when the item is expensive or meaningful.

Yes these were very expensive glasses by Chanel. I’ve only ever bought not designer or Raybans which aren’t cheap but not this level expensive. Of course I’ve never lost a pair, ever. Broken, yes, but not lost. I have 6 other pairs I’ve bought over the past 12 or so years. Of course it’s just this one pair. That’s what makes me suspicious that someone else has fancied them.

OP posts:

Original poster

kindnessforthewin · 27/04/2025 10:52

@menopausalmarei agree, i am a complete control freak. It’s the not knowing too. I can’t stand not knowing how they disappeared.

OP posts:

Original poster

kindnessforthewin · 27/04/2025 10:44

I’ve looked high and low this morning. Right under seats in car, all over the car and so had DH, they’re definitely not in there.

I’ve been through every cupboard, coat, shoe, bag for life, bag for that matter. Every room. My memory is pretty good and if I’d had them, I’d know.

there have even been tears of frustration as places to look have run out. I’ve cried my tears and ready to move on. They came in a huge beautiful box and sturdy, well structured dust bag which is a case in itself. I’m sure there is a second hand market for both of these items, either those who have lost theirs or people trying to flog knock offs, which makes me second guess if I should help those people. Either way, I think j could recoup a bit of money from selling those and seeing the case and bag just make me more annoyed at myself.

I was careless. I should have carefully removed them from the car and carefully put them back in their bag and back in the case. Then I’d not have lost them.

the only saving grace is i found my gym band I lost a week ago, which has been annoying to get into the gym without. I also found DH heart monitor he likes to wear running. I decided to really take care of my other valuables and have a system for my jewellery now, they’re all in their boxes in one basket and by going through cupboards I’ve made so much space for toys, which was on the to do list.

now to tidy away the rest of the remnants of this morning, bedroom and hallway need a bit more work.

OP posts:

TheGriffle · 27/04/2025 09:23

We lost a remote control once for the Tv. Searched everywhere, took the sofa cushions off, turned the sofa on its side, nowhere to be found.

10 days later I found it down the side of the sofa. How?! Just me and Dh at home, we had stripped that sofa bare.

Mama2many73 · 27/04/2025 09:18

My dh has a small zip medical bag (about 12cm by 10cm) which has his diabetic tests in. It's kept in work bag, or kitchen when home. He couldn't find ut, WE couldn't find it. Searched the house, car, bag etc.
About 3 days later I was in kitchen and it was on the shelf, eye level, short shelf, could NOT be missed.
I asked dh where he found it. He said he hadn't found them, I showed him them on the shelf and we both KNOW that we 100% checked there !!

Wellfuckmesideways · 27/04/2025 09:16

DH lost his wedding ring about 2yrs ago in work. He works outside, checked everywhere including inside of all the machines he uses. It turned up this week down the side of one of the screeners - these machines get moved around a massive yard regularly and the mounds of soil are at the height of houses. It was literally a needle in a haystack. Now I'm hoping my earring turns up!

SapporoBaby · 27/04/2025 09:12

Oh and pray to St Anthony. I’m not religious at all but once gave it a shot after searching for hours and hours for an important piece of work. Flopped on the couch, closed my eyes and gave him an ask…. Opened my eyes and there it was, in my eyeline wedged under the back leg of the couch.

menopausalmare · 27/04/2025 09:10

kindnessforthewin · 26/04/2025 22:04

@loveyoutothemoonandtosaturnI wonder why losing something sends the most sane of us totally around the bend. I get like this and it makes me question why I ever buy anything nice! Usually I trust myself to look after things, I’m starting to think my mum era of two DCs is not the time to buy nice things as life is hectic enough ;)

I think it's a control thing. I pride myself on being clean, tidy and organised so if I lose something, I feel out of control until I've found it, and balance has been restored.