Full time job with young kids

There's a lot of judgement on this post.

I just want to say that I think it's perfectly reasonable that you want to be around to take care of your own child rather than put them in nursery. No one is saying that nursery is going to damage your child, but the best place for a child to be is with a loving parent. That's where you should be.

It sounds like you have a good partner. You need to find a way that this situation works for you both. But that doesn't mean just going back to work full time, if that doesn't make sense financially. Have you sat down with your partner to look at the minutiae of the finances if you went back to work? You're totally right - very often it doesn't make sense to go back to work full time for minimum wage when you are paying for childcare. Maybe instead of just agreeing to go back full time for minimum wage, you work out exactly what wage you would need to earn to make it financially beneficial and then agree to start looking for a job (maybe that's not even full time, but something that works with the 30 free hours) that fits, hours, wage etc. I feel, in your situation, this is perfectly reasonable.

I also don't agree with everyone that's fussing about pensions and holidays, blah blah blah. You don't get this time back with your children. These are some of the most important years in your child's life and will determine the person they become. The best place for your child to be is with you. It's not possible for everyone but if you can make it work (and not cause resentment in your relationship, as a father and a happy home are also important!) then good for you! The holidays, the home repairs, the pension - that's something you can worry about when they get older. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

So you live with your ex, in a house that is falling down, and your new partner is expected to earn the majority of the household income to repair this house, while allowing you to be a SAHM?

Some very confusing choices here.

But you will have to compromise on time with your child. You don’t have the financial luxury to do any other. Same as many other people.
it’s crazy that you’re even considering having another child. You should have built a career and strong relationship to support yourself properly before having kids.
Did I read it correctly that you live with your ex but not your current partner?
Sounds like your desire for children is steam rollering over others’ lives: your poor ex who has to live with someone else’s baby, your current partner who you are using for money and your child in the middle.

@Calica1 you could carry on working 2 nights a week but also work 2 days a week - the days your son is at nursery. It’s not fair on your husband.

Is your partner in his 20’s too. @Calica1 ?

It only seems to be common sense when it is something you want anyway though. Where was this common sense when making some of the other decisions or the thought to add another baby to live with your ex?

I think you need to sort out a lot of stuff before considering a second child.

You and you're partner are currently living in a home mortgaged with your ex. That is crazy! Its no wonder your partner wants you to help earn more to surely sort out this weird situation and either buy the ex out or sell and move to your own place. How long will this arrangement last? How big is the house? Does your child have their own room? Does your ex have a partner? What if they have a child and want a claim on the house too? How does your partner contribute to this, do they pay rent? Is there a formal agreement as I can see this ending very messy.

You have debts which you aren't paying off. What is going on with the £400 you say you have left over each month? Could you not use this to bring the debt down? Or get the repairs on the house done. Also regarding the house maintenance, who is paying? If I was your partner I don't think I would be keen to contribute to a house that isn't mine. So again you need money to sort this with your ex.

You keep looking down on minimum wage jobs. I work a minimum wage job and over the years the way minimum wage has increased means my DH salaried job has actually reached the point of only just being above minimum wage as the sector he works in just doesn't give the pay rises you might get elsewhere. You have to get it out of your head that its beneath you because it's minimum wage and realise not everyone is living on these £60k plus jobs a lot of mumsnetters seem to find (which also include working from home looking after children).

Do you even like your partner? Part of me wonders if he isn't just a sperm donor to you as throughout all your posts you mention only ever wanting children and being with them, and you didn't know your partner long before getting pregnant.

So you think people who work and send their children to childcare do not raise their children? Not sure if you realised but earning and providing a home, food etc is part of raising a child.

That’s a good take home considering you aren’t both FT, especially as you say you’ll have £1000 freed up in a few years!

It's easy to say that there's more to life than money when you aren't the one who has to earn either all of it or the vast majority of it.

What’s your (including partners) overall take home versus expenses currently, @Calica1

Her DH needs to be in agreement though, and they need to have enough income to support a SAHM.

She can’t just unilaterally decide that’s what happening because it’s her preference, regardless of her DH’s view on it, leaving him to pick up the slack.

Thankyou for calling this out. This really infuriates me.