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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Full time job with young kids

379 replies

Calica1 · 26/04/2025 19:18

Current situation is I have a 13 month old little boy who I get to spend a lot of time with as I'm lucky to only have to work 2 nights a week in a supermarket for us to get by.

My partner is really keen for me to go back to full time work in order for us to have more money and improve our lives (bigger house and nice holidays)

Our son is going to nursery 2 part days a week just to get some socialisation but honestly I think he hates it and I'm keen to pull him out which is the opposite of what getting a full time job would entail as he would have to go in full time.

In order to go back to work I'd have to retrain for something else as I can't go back to retail management as the hours don't work with 2 parents in retail management and personally I just think my little boy is just too little to be made to go be with strangers all day and barely see his parents.

I appreciate the fact my partner wants to improve our lives and also that he doesn't like our current arrangement of never seeing each other as I work the 2 nights he doesn't but I feel like our son is the priority. I'll also add I'm keen to have a second baby soon which then means putting 2 young kids in nursery just to earn more money.

So am I being unreasonable to say I just want to focus on my kids until they are a lot older and it's okay if we are getting by on my part time wage?

OP posts:
Original poster
Calica1 · 26/04/2025 19:42

Springadorable · 26/04/2025 19:37

I definitely wouldn't be wasting money on nursery if you're only part time nights as there's no evidence it's beneficial to children before they are around three years old.
I think you're options are:

  • full time and kids in nursery. Expensive and not ideal
  • Part time in a better paid job
  • Nights or weekend work so you bring home more as no nursery fees, your child is with family, but you don't see your partner
  • Continue as you are but are resented by your partner
  • You and your partner both go part time to split the childcare but maybe three or four days a week so only one or two days of childcare

My childcare is free as we get the funding so that isn't an issue thankfully. We decided to put him in there as I didn't like going to the baby groups so we were concerned about his lack of social interaction and the affect on his speech.

Thank you for the rest of your opinion though. Unfortunately the job my partner is in now doesn't allow part time and he's keen to move up in his career so wouldn't want to impact it by going part time.

My partners argument with me going full time is from September we get 30 free hours plus tax free childcare to the benefits of me being in a full time job outweigh the cost but I don't feel like he thinks about the disadvantages for our kids of both parents working full time.

Thank you so much for your input though it gives me things to consider.

OP posts:
Pikablue · 26/04/2025 19:40

I'd definitely have a conversation about it. Wanting you to work more to ensure financial stability or because you're struggling to make ends meet is different to wanting a bigger house and better holidays; have an honest conversation about how those things aren't as important to you and see if can meet in the middle.

Espresso25 · 26/04/2025 19:40

Whose life is money going to improve? Is he going to step up and do some more parenting or is he just hoping to carry on exactly as he is now?

Springadorable · 26/04/2025 19:37

I definitely wouldn't be wasting money on nursery if you're only part time nights as there's no evidence it's beneficial to children before they are around three years old.
I think you're options are:

  • full time and kids in nursery. Expensive and not ideal
  • Part time in a better paid job
  • Nights or weekend work so you bring home more as no nursery fees, your child is with family, but you don't see your partner
  • Continue as you are but are resented by your partner
  • You and your partner both go part time to split the childcare but maybe three or four days a week so only one or two days of childcare
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