Full time job with young kids

It doesn’t matter what other people think, but you and your DH have to come up with an agreement and compromise. Does he want another child? If you’re expected to go back to work, he’ll have to do half the childcare and housework - would he?

@Calica1 i work full time 39 hours a week, I’m separated, I have my dc 50:50. I can drop my dc to school, bring them to clubs, see performances. I’m there for them when they need me, regardless of whether they are with me or not. I am available and they come first and they know that. It’s possible to do both. Just because parents work doesn’t mean they are not a constant or an available.

What an awful thing for your father to have said to you! Has he not met any of the millions of delightful children raised by working parents?

Your son would be very unlikely to enjoy nursery when you only send him two half days a week. You mentioned him being looked after by ‘strangers’. Let him go for longer so that they’re not strangers anymore and soon he will have friends and a whole other situation to thrive in.

You say you get by on your wages, bwhatbdoes that mean? Do you have enough in savings and able to put more in savings, contribute a decent % to your pensions, own a house, put money in for you DCs savings each month, have enough for house maintenance and emergencies, have enough for a cheap holiday, some days out and activities for your DC? If yes then I would try to stay with what you’re doing, if no then you probably do need to work more. Could 4 days a week be a compromise?

I’m gonna be honest here, and it appears I’m in the minority. But I actually think you’re taking the pss here a bit. You want your partner to work full time - but you don’t want to work at all*. And you want to have another child, and still not work. Despite the fact your partner is voicing that he thinks it’s a lot of pressure solely on him to maintain your household on one salary, and would like some help so you can enjoy a better quality of life eg holidays.

Before anyone comes for me, I am a SAHM with 3 young children, who have all been to nursery despite being a SAHM. So in theory I can absolutely appreciate where you’re coming from, but the huge difference is that my husband is a very high earner, and we are both in agreement that our life runs significantly better with me at home and him at work. If we ever found ourselves in a situation where we couldn’t take our children on holiday, I would go back to work.

I also fundamentally disagree with your comment about not wanting “someone else” to raise your children. That’s just an excuse people use when they don’t want to work. Nursery has huge benefits, which you’ve already hinted at in your posts, and arguably your children would benefit more from being able to experience going on holiday and the other things an extra income would afford them, vs being at home with you alone every single day. All I’m getting from your posts is that you can’t be arsed working and you’re happy with everyone else (kids, partner) missing out on other things (spare money, holidays) just so you can stay home.

I say this as a very happy SAHM - there can be more than one way that is “best for the kids”. Our family works well with me being home - but that was a joint decision, with no financial worries. I have no doubt that my kids would also have been perfectly fine in nursery (DC1’s SEN aside) or with a childminder - I might have been more stressed and DH and I would both have had more on our plates, but the kids would have been fine regardless. You’re being very emotive taking about strangers etc - they aren’t strangers, they’re nursery workers he sees multiple times a week!

What would’ve impacted my kids far more than childcare arrangements or holidays or a nice house would be DH and I not being on the same page, arguing or resenting each other.

I’d also say there’s a middle ground between working full time and working two nights a week.

And also what you want DOES matter! Happy parents=happy children. I know our kids come first but there’s a balance to be had here!

Listen to you mum! She’s right! Your dad is talking bullshit…and that’s easy for him to say I imagine.

If your DH wants to move up in his career does that mean that he is expecting you to work full time but be the one who has to do drop offs/pick ups/sick days/school holidays and inset days?
If I was you I'd continue with part time. The 30 hours free childcare isn't actually 30 hours and some places have top up fees. Unless there are parent leave policies at work you will need to consider there may be periods of no pay if DC is ill, travel costs, extra money from not having as much time to shop around and be more efficiently

You will never get this time back with your DC and as you can afford to work part time and want to work part time, do it.

I guess another way to do it would be to have another child asap, and you agree that you are very part time on a temporary basis until the youngest is 2.5 for instance. That way there is an end date when you'll be really able to ramp up your earning, and you get time with the kids when they are little? I think it's much harder if you have a bigger gap between them (although obviously sometimes it's unavoidable) as it really drags the young years out when you want to be with them.

@Calica1 I think what your dh is trying to verbalise is that he wants more out of life, he wants to feel like he gets something out of working as hard as he does and be able to take a nice holiday etc, he can’t do it alone so he needs you to earn more. Was it always the plan for you to be a sahm?

Attending a nursery doesn’t mean ‘your child is raised by other people’.

Lots of people work full time with young children, and their children are fine.

If you are struggling as a household for money, then working more is probably a good option, once the free hours kick in.

It is a lot of pressure on your DH otherwise.

Your child being unsettled at nursery is actually probably because they aren’t there enough to get used to it.

The 30 hours is term time only remember so if you need year round it'll be less than 30 a week, plus there'll be top ups to pay. You know this I'm sure, but I'd make sure he does.