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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to want to try for another baby?

40 replies

2025letsmakeitthebest1 · 26/04/2025 18:03

So my husband and I have been together for 3 years. I have 3 children from a previous marriage and he has 1. My first pregnancy I had pre eclampsia, 2nd was fine but ended with an emergency section and 3rd I had hyperemesis and my daughter was born 10 weeks early.
I am 38 now and cannot shake the feeling of wanting to have a baby with my husband. I just feel it would really help solidify our bond as a couple but also as a blended family.
i know all the children would love another sibling so no issues there. I’m just worried I’m too old 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
2025letsmakeitthebest1 · 26/04/2025 18:15

OnlyFannys · 26/04/2025 18:14

I can relate a bit as I am similar age and my partner and I have one each and both feel sad that we don't have one together but ultimately we decided that having another would impact the quality of life we can give the children we already have particularly with quite a big age gap so decided against it. It sounds like you already have a lot on your plate with 4 kids so my advice is really think about what is in their best interests rather than yours or your partners. We compromised by getting 2 dogs if that helps 😁

We have 2 dogs as well.
I think you hit it on the head it’s that sadness that we don’t have one together. Growing up I wanted a happy family life and it’s still hard to come to terms with that being broken.
it’s tough.

OP posts:
Original poster
2025letsmakeitthebest1 · 26/04/2025 18:14

ColinOfficeTrolley · 26/04/2025 18:11

I don't think I'd be bringing a 5th child into the mix.

Blended families are difficult enough. How old is the oldest child and how young is the youngest? This would influence my decision

Youngest is 7 and eldest is 15

OP posts:
OnlyFannys · 26/04/2025 18:14

I can relate a bit as I am similar age and my partner and I have one each and both feel sad that we don't have one together but ultimately we decided that having another would impact the quality of life we can give the children we already have particularly with quite a big age gap so decided against it. It sounds like you already have a lot on your plate with 4 kids so my advice is really think about what is in their best interests rather than yours or your partners. We compromised by getting 2 dogs if that helps 😁

Eldermillennialmum · 26/04/2025 18:13

If you both want one, can afford it and have the space at home for another then go for it.

Mrsttcno1 · 26/04/2025 18:12

2025letsmakeitthebest1 · 26/04/2025 18:10

I left my children’s dad due to emotional abuse. We were together for 17 years.

Show quote history

In that case you know very well that children don’t make a relationship or solidify a bond.

ColinOfficeTrolley · 26/04/2025 18:11

I don't think I'd be bringing a 5th child into the mix.

Blended families are difficult enough. How old is the oldest child and how young is the youngest? This would influence my decision

Mrsttcno1 · 26/04/2025 18:11

With 4 children already between you, I wouldn’t have another.

I’d also be wary of thinking a child solidifies a bond or family, if that were true then you wouldn’t have 4 children between you with none shared, you’d both still be with the parents of those children.

At 38 I’d be concerned also about the health impact on both you and any potential baby, and how that could disrupt the life you have now.

BreadInCaptivity · 26/04/2025 18:11

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 26/04/2025 18:09

Having children didn't solidify your bond with your previous partners, did it? You have 4 between you already. Maybe focus on them as blended families aren't easy at is, let alone adding more complications. YABU

Nailed it.

Simplynotsimple · 26/04/2025 18:10

With all the information I’d say no. You’ve already had difficulties in pregnancy and age is a factor. And siblings always say they want a baby, because they don’t understand the reality. Being a teen with a much younger sibling around is not always a great combination. You both have children, you don’t need one with each other.

Original poster
2025letsmakeitthebest1 · 26/04/2025 18:10

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 26/04/2025 18:09

Having children didn't solidify your bond with your previous partners, did it? You have 4 between you already. Maybe focus on them as blended families aren't easy at is, let alone adding more complications. YABU

I left my children’s dad due to emotional abuse. We were together for 17 years.

OP posts:
lnks · 26/04/2025 18:09

You don't really say if your DH wants to try for another, but if he does I would say go for it

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 26/04/2025 18:09

Having children didn't solidify your bond with your previous partners, did it? You have 4 between you already. Maybe focus on them as blended families aren't easy at is, let alone adding more complications. YABU

Original poster
2025letsmakeitthebest1 · 26/04/2025 18:09

mileyb · 26/04/2025 18:06

38 is not too old what 😵‍💫

What does your husband say about having another baby? Is he on board?

We are in the process of discussing the pros and cons.

OP posts:
mileyb · 26/04/2025 18:06

38 is not too old what 😵‍💫

What does your husband say about having another baby? Is he on board?

Didimum · 26/04/2025 18:06

With 4 children, I would focus on your existing kids.