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AIBU?

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Original poster

To give her this stuff for free

140 replies

Capnbagn · 26/04/2025 17:17

DH and I are in the middle of a debate about this. A young mum recently moved to our area, I won’t go into the details of her situation but she is widowed, been forced to move up here because of danger and has 4 children under 5. I met her through the church playgroup I take my grandchildren to, but I used to be a social worker so I feel a lot of empathy for her situation. She is from this area originally but has no family left here and she seems very stranded if I’m honest.

DH and I are down sizing, so a lot of furniture and stuff has to go. This woman has been in temporary accommodation and just offered a council house, she has nothing to even start furnishing it but obviously the homelessness team and her health visitor are directing her towards resources for things like white goods. Anyway the things I know for sure we don’t need in our new home are
-Dining Table & Chairs (good condition but nothing fancy just from ikea)
-2 Ikea extendable beds (bought for the grandchildren hardly used)
-2 Wardrobes, Chest of Drawers, 2 bedside tables and a dressing table from our room, they are only a little over a year old but the new house has built ins and I want something different anyway. They were just from Argos so again nothing fancy!
-Table and Chairs for the garden, it’s a sturdy metal set we bought a few years ago, needs repainted but otherwise in good condition
-Play Kitchen, our youngest grandchildren are now 4 and due to start school so won’t be around as much to use it, nowhere for it in the new house anyway.

I want to offer her this stuff for free, we don’t need the money, selling it on marketplace seems like a ballache and all she would need to do is pay for a van to pick it all up.

One of my friends has also offered 2 large chest of drawers and 2 further wardrobes, a sofa and an arm chair (basically brand new but they are white and she is too scared her grandkids will destroy them!) and a bunk bed. She said she’d want some money for all this but would be happy with £300 or so, which the woman has accepted and is over the moon with. I know she’s still stressed about getting the rest she needs though.

Obviously she doesn’t have to accept anything I offer her but I feel like it would be a nice thing to do.

DH thinks I’m crazy and if I want to offer I should ask for some money in return even if it’s just £150/200 as it’s a lot of stuff, all in amazing condition.

Im more inclined to think that the £200 would do very little for us in our situation but potentially a lot for this mum, therefore I don’t feel right asking for that.

AIBU wanting to give her all this for free? DH thinks it will create an expectation that we will give her money but I really don’t think it will and she is nothing but lovely, never asked for money or anything.

OP posts:
OriginalSkang · 26/04/2025 18:02

I would give it to her for free and not think twice about it

In the nicest possible way, I don't think you can expect anywhere near that much money for second hand ikea anyway

BlondeMummyto1 · 26/04/2025 18:02

Even people buying wouldn’t pay £100s. You have to practically give away near brand new furniture for £10-£20 and even then people often won’t pay it so you may aswell give it away

I have just had a nightmare trying to get some off my hands.

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 26/04/2025 18:01

You sound amazing OP. This is such a lovely idea.

LePetitMaman · 26/04/2025 18:01

Hi @Capnbagn

I run a charity who helps support vulnerable people and families.

My two penneth is that you absolutely give her the stuff. However. We find that when we attach a nominal charge or value to something, it is accepted far more easily and reduces embarrassment of feeling a "charity case."

I would certainly phrase it that you need the space and she's doing you a favour by taking it off your hands. But is there something you could take from her in exchange, doesn't have to be money, so she feels she's repaying you. Got a dog she can walk for the week you're on holiday? Need a couple of mornings help with weeding?

Anything, even if you don't need the help, just so she feels she's given something in return.

BundleBoogie · 26/04/2025 18:01

It sounds like a perfect setup - win/win. I think dh is worrying unnecessarily

CurlewKate · 26/04/2025 18:00

Is he a Mumsnetter, by any chance? 🤣

Yes of course offer it to her for free!

RipleyJones · 26/04/2025 18:00

Capnbagn · 26/04/2025 17:17

DH and I are in the middle of a debate about this. A young mum recently moved to our area, I won’t go into the details of her situation but she is widowed, been forced to move up here because of danger and has 4 children under 5. I met her through the church playgroup I take my grandchildren to, but I used to be a social worker so I feel a lot of empathy for her situation. She is from this area originally but has no family left here and she seems very stranded if I’m honest.

DH and I are down sizing, so a lot of furniture and stuff has to go. This woman has been in temporary accommodation and just offered a council house, she has nothing to even start furnishing it but obviously the homelessness team and her health visitor are directing her towards resources for things like white goods. Anyway the things I know for sure we don’t need in our new home are
-Dining Table & Chairs (good condition but nothing fancy just from ikea)
-2 Ikea extendable beds (bought for the grandchildren hardly used)
-2 Wardrobes, Chest of Drawers, 2 bedside tables and a dressing table from our room, they are only a little over a year old but the new house has built ins and I want something different anyway. They were just from Argos so again nothing fancy!
-Table and Chairs for the garden, it’s a sturdy metal set we bought a few years ago, needs repainted but otherwise in good condition
-Play Kitchen, our youngest grandchildren are now 4 and due to start school so won’t be around as much to use it, nowhere for it in the new house anyway.

I want to offer her this stuff for free, we don’t need the money, selling it on marketplace seems like a ballache and all she would need to do is pay for a van to pick it all up.

One of my friends has also offered 2 large chest of drawers and 2 further wardrobes, a sofa and an arm chair (basically brand new but they are white and she is too scared her grandkids will destroy them!) and a bunk bed. She said she’d want some money for all this but would be happy with £300 or so, which the woman has accepted and is over the moon with. I know she’s still stressed about getting the rest she needs though.

Obviously she doesn’t have to accept anything I offer her but I feel like it would be a nice thing to do.

DH thinks I’m crazy and if I want to offer I should ask for some money in return even if it’s just £150/200 as it’s a lot of stuff, all in amazing condition.

Im more inclined to think that the £200 would do very little for us in our situation but potentially a lot for this mum, therefore I don’t feel right asking for that.

AIBU wanting to give her all this for free? DH thinks it will create an expectation that we will give her money but I really don’t think it will and she is nothing but lovely, never asked for money or anything.

Wonderful thing to do. You could offer it to her for eg £25 so she doesn’t feel like a charity case, if you see what I mean.

kkloo · 26/04/2025 17:59

AIBU wanting to give her all this for free? DH thinks it will create an expectation that we will give her money but I really don’t think it will and she is nothing but lovely, never asked for money or anything.

People give furniture away for free all the time, I always do, I've never been asked for money ever, occasionally someone in dire need might say that if you're giving anything else away to let them know but that's it.

LizzoBennett · 26/04/2025 17:59

I would give it away for free in your situation.

Sundappledlawn · 26/04/2025 17:58

I’d give it to her for free.

CopperWhite · 26/04/2025 17:57

Do you really need strangers to validate your choice to do a good thing?

People give furniture away for free all the time, usually because like you, they no longer need it. I’m just thankful I have a convenient, environmentally friendly way to get rid of stuff.

Blueblell · 26/04/2025 17:56

I would give it if you don’t need the money. Getting a van will be costly enough.

Your Dh will change his tune if you really need to get rid of these things and can’t sell them/people don’t collect them. Better to give them to someone who will really appreciate them.

LardoBurrows · 26/04/2025 17:56

If you don't need the money from selling it, I think it would be a lovely thing to offer the furniture to someone you know who really needs it. It could make a huge difference to that Mum and her four children having some beds to sleep in and a table and chairs to eat at.

bingobanjo · 26/04/2025 17:54

Sounds really lovely OP, we’d be happy to do the same. It will save you so much hassle (and potentially cost!) of getting rid of it bit by bit, either she’s doing you a favour or take a token gesture amount if she’d prefer.

WhenICalledYouLastNightFromTesco · 26/04/2025 17:52

I think you sound like an absolutely kind and generous person, and I'm with you on this. I don't think there could be a better feeling than seeing the joy on someone's face who is in need.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 26/04/2025 17:51

I hate selling things. If we have anything we're getting rid of, I'll advertise it for free on the local FB group. There's always someone who will take it.

If you think DH has a point about it seeming like charity, maybe phrase it like you're going to put it on FB for free or your church site or whatever but if she could use it she's welcome to first dibs.

But it's a lovely idea, especially if you know she could use it.

MintTwirl · 26/04/2025 17:47

Dartmoorcheffy · 26/04/2025 17:35

That would be a lovely thing to do.

When I moved to Devon I was homeless, due to DV. Stayed in a Travelodge for a month and then was very lucky to get private rented accommodation with help from the council.

The house was completely unfurnished without any white goods.

Someone was offering a free washing machine on fb. I asked and he dad he would deliver.

When he came he saw that I literally had nothing. (Didn't even have more than one change of clothes as exh had destroyed them all after attacking me).

An hour later this lovely man came back with a little 3 pc suite, a fridge, a tv, a kettle, a box of plates, pans, cutlery etc., bedding and towels, a blow up mattress and 4 bags of food from lidl. Just basics like pasta, beans, soups etc.

I was so so grateful as I didn't have a penny and I will never forget that man's kindness. It restored my faith in people, and made the start of my new life in Devon so much less stressful

This has made me cry, what a lovely kind man.

OP I would offer it to her for free, I very much doubt it will lead to her expecting more.

Helen1625 · 26/04/2025 17:46

I think it's a very kind gesture. Like others have said, listing things on marketplace is a pain; there are so many time wasters and whatever price you put on, people push for it to be lower, want delivery etc. You'd probably get very little for it if you tried to sell it online.

You know it will go to a deserving home and will be appreciated.

IceColdChardonayPls · 26/04/2025 17:46

Selling stuff is a massive ballache. Is your husband going to deal with all the time wasters and no shows? All the people wanting measurements and then not replying? All the people wanting it delivered and wanting a discount?

or is he expecting you to do all that?

if this woman wants the stuff, and you need rid of it, I’d be delighted to give her it all for free if it were me.

user31908734289 · 26/04/2025 17:44

Let DH sell something on social media, once will be enough and he’ll be offering to drive the van for her!😂lovely thing to do OP.

HugelyExpensiveCrystalDuck · 26/04/2025 17:43

I never sell anything as it’s a pain in the arse.

If someone who you know needs it then it’s even better.

NancyJoan · 26/04/2025 17:40

She’s lucky to know you. Ask your DH what he thinks the going rate for 2nd hand IKEA furniture is, and whether he plans to photograph it, list it and then deal with all the time waster enquiries for it.

Pollyanna87 · 26/04/2025 17:39

Your DH sounds mean. Like you say, it would be such a faff to sell this stuff anyway, and she maybe can’t afford even £100.

MoominMai · 26/04/2025 17:37

OP you have a lovely altruistic nature and I totally agree with your mindset.

Dartmoorcheffy · 26/04/2025 17:35

That would be a lovely thing to do.

When I moved to Devon I was homeless, due to DV. Stayed in a Travelodge for a month and then was very lucky to get private rented accommodation with help from the council.

The house was completely unfurnished without any white goods.

Someone was offering a free washing machine on fb. I asked and he dad he would deliver.

When he came he saw that I literally had nothing. (Didn't even have more than one change of clothes as exh had destroyed them all after attacking me).

An hour later this lovely man came back with a little 3 pc suite, a fridge, a tv, a kettle, a box of plates, pans, cutlery etc., bedding and towels, a blow up mattress and 4 bags of food from lidl. Just basics like pasta, beans, soups etc.

I was so so grateful as I didn't have a penny and I will never forget that man's kindness. It restored my faith in people, and made the start of my new life in Devon so much less stressful

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