Boyfriend lied to me about getting banned from his gym

So he's made comments about her figure and also found her on Instagram?
Gee he really is the victim in all this isn't he. Doesn't she know just to laugh when men make their funny jokes?

You really don’t realise that women ‘laugh things off’ to stop a situation escalating because they are afraid of men. I have ‘laughed off’ and smiled and said whatever I’ve had to at times, just get away from a situation that is at best uncomfortable, and at worst that I’ve felt in danger from. It’s a tactic females learn pretty early on, the first time I did it I was only about 13 years old.

OP already said she saw the email from the gym stating exactly what was said, and it was as he said.

If this woman was so offended why did she laugh it off and then complain. She should have called him out at the time if it was so offensive.

This is victim blaming - why are you focusing on the reactions of the person who has been sexually harassed and not the perpetrator? Why should she have to do anything - that's why we have a legal system - do you ask why someone didnt chase after someone who stole their wallet in order to resolve it?

Her response was what it was in the moment - most women are trained not to agitate the perpertrator - it's the advice I would give any female. Its not safe. What would it have achieved - more snidey comments from him - def not an apology as he has repeatedly said it was a joke. Letting him face the consequences of the establishment was the correct course of action.

This sounds like quite an unprofessional set up, the gym. Is it in someone's garage?

If not, to get a ban, I'd assume the comments were far, far worse than inferred.

I've reached my early 50s without ever meeting a single woman who has lied about being sexually demeaned, raped or stalked and harassed by predatory men.

I have met a good many men who say women are crazy, hysterical and exaggerate.

It was just banter. She 'laughed it off' at the time.

You know this isn't right.

He's the victim but he made a woman so very uncomfortable that she spoke to the operator and he was given an immediate ban?

Come on!

Follow your gut on this one.

I would bet anything that it's not the first time he's been warned about inappropriate behaviour.

I also wouldn't believe that supposed message from a staff member at the gym was genuine.

And then if you do mess up your form you’ll get some gymbro coming over and mansplaining how you should be doing it. And so it continues…

There’s a woman local to me who posts her “workouts” on social media- she’s a firefighter and has a pretty sizeable following, mostly of women because she gives great advice and inspiration for strength training, agility and nutrition. It also means she makes a decent sideline in endorsement deals from a few different supplements and gymwear brands. Believe or not, not every woman who posts her workouts online is doing it because they want people to leer at their bodies on social media and much less by blokes in real life.

Don't be ridiculous.

Just don't say to strangers 'i thought your leggings were going to split".

It's not complicated.

It's normal behaviour for people over 5 years old.

I stopped going to the gym and bought gym equipment for home because of this shit from men. I know lots of women who won’t go to the gym for the same reason. Creepy fucking men need to fuck off with their comments. The people defending them are almost as bad.

He also showed me a message to him from one of the staff who basically said the woman who complained is a known pain in the arse and she wouldn’t have let it go if he wasn’t banned. The message said the staff found the comment funny as it was clearly a joke…

Then that member of staff needs to be disciplined, or at the very least sent on some training.

No wonder so few women feel comfortable using a gym.

It was a comment - misguided I agree. And the reaction is probably enough to not only make him think twice, but to never attempt a joke in the presence of women for fear of it being misconstrued. If this woman was so offended why did she laugh it off and then complain. She should have called him out at the time if it was so offensive.

Ugh, this shit is why I won't do squats on the gym floor any more unless I can tuck myself away with my arse to a wall. People saying 'oh, it was just a misjudged comment', ask yourself if you would be comfortable to go on and do another set after someone had just said this to you? I certainly wouldn't. I'd be paranoid that someone was staring at my arse and worried about my leggings not being squat proof. Then I'd start over thinking my form and probably fuck it up. I just want to work out quietly and be FUCKING LEFT ALONE

I think you have difficulty in understanding what whataboutery is. This is fact, not conjecture. And there are numerous threads on MN supporting the view that men making these comments is vile, but for women it’s absolutely fine. Double standard anyone ?

No the context being that this woman was sexually harassed on their premises by another customer.

The context being that this woman complains incessantly about everything so that the gym have to ban BF otherwise they will never hear the end of it ?

Whataboutery is an attempt to deflect and minimise.

We see you.

Well that goes both ways doesn’t it ? And I’ve been in the company of women (not necessarily friends I might add) who have no problem with similar comments directed at men.

I beg your pardon?

You are no better than the user I quoted.

Or just keeping our comments about a member of the opposite sex's body to ourselves?

When men make comments like that they usually are sexually motivated or designed to assert superiority. In this instance he'd obviously been looking at her arse, to put it bluntly. But, even if they aren't about sex, it's the unbelievable entitlement of men to think they can pass comment at all. Apart from the innumerable sexual remarks I've had over the years, I wish I had a pound for every strange man who told me to "cheer up love, it might never happen" whilst walking along the street. Would you or any woman you know walk up to an unknown man and say something like that? If you feel there is now an unfair backlash then I'm afraid men have brought it on themselves.

I think it was inappropriate. But if that’s all there was to it, then I think it’s an overreaction by the gym. And here, if I may say so. We’re rapidly heading to a situation where we walk straight ahead, eyes fixed, in silence, for fear of upsetting people.

his ill-judged joke.

His I'll judged joke that revealed he was watching a woman's arse intently and wanted her to know he was doing so....... That's an interesting "joke".

Looks like the INCELS have descended.

The problem I'd have with all of this is the fact he lied to you. Yes, he would have looked like a pratt for making his ill-judged joke but better a pratt than a liar!