Boyfriend lied to me about getting banned from his gym

lol. How he was treated? Poor little lamb. It’s actually really concerning that he sees himself as a victim in this, rather than taking accountability and being remorseful at his behaviour.

Not best for the women at his new gym, unfortunately.

I didn't ask you what you would do.

I asked you what you would think.

It was a foolish unkind remark

It wasn't unkind.

You clearly don't understand contemporary body trends and fitness trends ...nor lots of men's views of women's bodies if you think it was unkind.

He was backhand complimenting her and expressing that his attention was on her body, specifically her arse.

The op has confirmed she has an amazing figure. He wasn't being unkind. He was being something else entirely.

Probably just laugh and get on with my life

Good luck, OP.

It's his 'first proper relationship'?

Maybe he is just hugely socially inept rather than just really unpleasant.

But, either way, what are you getting or going to get out of a relationship with a man where such an everyday activity turns into such a drama because he's so inappropriate fundamentally?

A stupid comment to make. Her word against his word. He should email the gym and explain he wants to give a written apology for what was said. And explain no offence was intended. There is a difference between a one off inappropriate comment and harassment. He can politely challenge the gym for cancelling his membership as a reaction to his words. He is hiding the cancellation due to embarrassment. Moving to another gym is acceptable but he has to differentiate between serial harrasser and inappropriate words to defend himself.

He probably already had a previous warning or three.

You can speak to women, just don't comment on their bodies unless you know them well enough to know they are comfortable with it.

I think the ban is appropriate. So fed up of men who think they can make sleazy comments to women and get away with it. A woman literally can’t even work out in a gym without a man feeling he can make a ‘joke’ at her expense.

We are talking about Op's BF making an inappropriate comment to a woman at the gym.
What anyone else of either sex has said to anyone else of either sex is irrelevant here
Unless we are saying because some women have made inappropriate comments to men at any point in human history OP's BF has carte blanche to speak to women like this

It’s not a great thing to say, but I think a warning would have been appropriate.

If he already knew her well, that could be considered to be a joke made with good intentions. But there is nothing friendly about it without a solid friendship there already.

Gyms used to be no go areas for lots of women because of this (and worse, but even "just" this) sort of thing. Can you imagine how many of those sorts of comments she would likely get every time she's there if they don't stamp down on it hard? I'm not surprised she complained. (And yes, of course she laughed it off at the time - that's the easiest way to get on with your workout in that sort of situation). Gyms need to be totally on top of poor male behaviour towards women, so many don't even realise how they feel entitled to treat women as visual entertainment and make comments that are bound to make women self conscious.

OP, I'm not surprised he didn't tell you. I doubt it occurred to him that she would take it as anything other than a joke, because most men go through life utterly oblivious to the impact constant comments on your looks can have on women. I think the gym were right to cancel his membership, but I don't think it's necessarily a reason for you to be upset with him unless it's just one in a string of similar behaviour. Hopefully he will have learnt his lesson, despite the "over reacted" comments.

Harassment deserves a ban. It was more than "foolish and unkind".

I see that @ScarlettRunner hasnt said whether she intends to report that unprofessional message from the member of staff. I'm pretty sure a member of staff at my gym who sent that would be disciplined.

It was a foolish unkind remark. But not deserving a ban. Just told not to make inappropriate comments. Silly fuss about not much.

Your BF sexually harassed women at his old gym.

I would bet there were multiple complaints about him before he got 86ed. This was not a one time complaint. It has been bad enough that they banned him.

What makes that asshole think women appreciate his sexist remarks? He's not clueless, he just thought he could get away with it.

Good for the gym. Maybe he'll shut his stupid pie hole next time he wants to make offensive remarks about women's bodies.

That's a hell of a bf you got there

He sounds immature and socially unaware.

"I was just interested on some other views as the non MN ones I’ve heard all think the gym over-reacted."

He sounds like a creep to me. I would not go to a gym where they thought that was acceptable behaviour.

But if you were my friend I would be unlikely to tell you to your face that I thought your boyfriend was a creep (never goes down well).

The ban isn’t harsh at all. This man made a woman feel uncomfortable by being a creep. Why should she or anyone else have to feel uncomfortable because a grown man can’t behave in a decent manner. No decent man needs a warning as a reminder, they just don’t fucking do it! When they do, they should be kicked out.

Nope. You just don’t make creepy comments or stare. Non creepy people find that remarkably easy.

it's 2025, you don't speak to stranger women in gyms

I'm sure you can speak but maybe just don't say something that makes it clear you've been staring at their arse.

I mean the equivalent/vice versa is probably something like "I thought you were gonna fall out of your shorts there!" ....... What would you think - be honest - if a woman said that you you at the gym?

He knew he did wrong. And that’s why you found out through someone else, and not him.

I'm a fella.. the commend sounds cringe and inappropriate.. I imagine he probably thought he was being funny in the moment and regretted it later..

Ban is harsh, he should have a warning.

He should have known better.. it's 2025, you don't speak to stranger women in gyms

That’s exactly how you are supposed to walk past people in the gym though, look where you are going not at someone working out. As for being in fear of upsetting someone, surely if you just don’t make comments to other people you will not upset them? If your behaviour means you will fear upsetting people, it’s something for you to fix. (General, not personal, you)

I agree with this. And I think it’s about flaming time there was a zero tolerance approach to men making inappropriate comments to women. While men can obviously be harassed by women, it is way more prevalent the other way round and women have been conditioned to accept it as ‘banter’. Good for that woman in making a stand, there’s now one less creep she has to deal with at the gym.