Boyfriend lied to me about getting banned from his gym

Aren’t you just a lovely person. You need to get down off your high horse because your STFU comment was no better than the OP’s partner’s joke. In fact I’d say your comment was worse, at least his was a badly judged joke whereas you’re just plain rude.

I agree. His “joke” was in poor taste, but unless he’s repeatedly made offensive comments to other customers, I think a warning would have been more appropriate.

I am satisfied from his explanations he meant no offence and it was clumsy at best

Yes, he is clumsy at coming onto other women.

Do you really think it's a coincidence that he was banned for making comments to the "amazing body" influencer, but apparently not anyone else.

So he probably meant nothing by it but he didn't need to be commenting on a woman's appearance. It certainly comes under the 'pervy comment' umbrella.

Also he wasn't to know what her body image/ history is. I've been larger and slimmer and would be really upset by someone saying my leggings would split at the gym even when in good shape.

I think it's a good life lesson even if he meant no harm. Take it as you see fit, it makes sense he was embarrassed to tell you but I think he needs to accept his role and grow as an adult. Minding one's own business is a key life skill.

Are you sure it was a one-off? I'd have expected him to get a warning if he'd not done it before. Most gyms won't chuck you out just because one person complains. But his remarks were totally inappropriate so maybe they did.
But anyway, the lying about it is another issue. Doesn't sound like a great catch really.

You don't seem to give a shit about the victim in this at all, is that right? You believe he meant no offence, when he sexually harassed her, so all's well that tends well.

I think the gym agree that his comment was totally inappropriate, and cannot be seen to be ignoring such behaviour. Rather than saying this, they are using the excuse that the woman is a known 'pain in the arse', so you have to go kind of thing. You can't be having people feel uncomfortable in that environment, male or female.

So, it's wrong to tell fat women that you've been staring at their asses but it's OK to ogle hot women?

Why do you think that is?

If a woman is hot, is it fair game to stare at her and pass comment and make her feel uncomfortable when she's trying to work out? Are hot women even allowed to feel insecure or harassed?

I'm not asking to be mean. I'm asking because I suspect like many women, you've subconsciously absorbed the crap around us and you now instinctively think it's acceptable without challenging the why.

Ban is harsh, he should have a warning

We have no idea that he hasn't already been warned. After all, he didn't tell the OP anything about it until he was caught out. That's even if people do think it was harsh.

it's 2025, you don't speak to stranger women in gyms

I (a woman) am spoken to by other gym users (more men than women) every time I go. All of them have manage to speak to me without ever once commenting on the size of my backside or any other part of my body.
They say things like

"Morning. Lovely day, isn't it?"
"Nice to see the sun this morning"
"Did you see the match last night?"
"Do you mind if I put the TV screen on?"
"Not seen you for a while, have you been away?"
"I feel shattered. It's hot in here today, isn't it? I'm not sure the air conditioning is working."
"Do you know what time {gym instructor name} comes in today?"
"Do you use this {piece of equipment}? Do you know how to adjust it ?"

etc
etc
etc

It's not difficult and makes for a pleasant atmosphere.

The staff banned him on the say so of a woman they then went on to slag off and say was a massive pain in the arse. Essentially minimising what he did wrong. They sound very unprofessional and that's a very mixed message to be giving out.
We'll ban you permanently for sexualised comments but also say the person who made the complaint is essentially a fantasist?!

Actually don't bother answering that ....it was completely pointless for me to ask a member of the much more sexually predatory and sexually harassing sex in our species - about sexual harassment and come ons.

He fully deserves to be banned. He had been caught perving over her arse, decided to make it ‘bants’, and make out like she can’t take a joke when she clearly wasn’t impressed at his attention.
What a prince.

I don't think you've read my post properly.

You've got completely the wrong end of the stick.

Pay attention to the last sentence in particular "He was being something else entirely,"

Just because you gratefully accept any comment, however disgusting, made to you by random sleazy men doesn't mean that other women would.

You do you. Leave other women to hold themselves in better esteem and regard for themselves.

This is just a rephrasing of 'she was asking for it'. Victim blaming, misogynistic bullshit.

What he said was a creepy sexual comment

Good form is the standard compliment in the gym

Also, it's not the most positive of comments is it?

"I thought your legs were going to split" It's quite judgemental - saying really I thought you looked crazy, ridiculous, nuts, uncomfortable, ouch etc.

Instead he could have

a) said nothing
b) said something positive like "wow, you're amazing" or "wow, you have such control, I'm impressed".

But instead he had to come out with a 'joke' which was actually pretty demoralising. No way. FFS, learn the gym etiquette and grow up. What an eejit is all I can say.

What a load of nonsense. It was a grim, inappropriate remark.

There has been so many threads lately on the same theme- men saying inappropriate sexual stuff about OP's friends or random women.

We know this shit happens all the time, but there just seems to be more of these threads recently. It makes me wonder why.

I am shocked that a member of staff would have risked their job by moaning about the woman who made the complaint. That seems almost unbelievable.

It sounds like she's posting fitness videos?

I'm sure you're not suggesting she deserves to be sexually harassed at the gym because she posts content to social media but some people on here do seem to be veering that way.

Great decision by the gym. No doubt she laughed it off because she was scared and uncomfortable. Good on her for reporting it!

Urgh. Grim. Creepy. If he (and others) are adamant it was ‘just a joke’ and an ‘overreaction’, then would he have said it to a bloke? A teenager? An OAP? In front of you? In front of her partner? Etc. Why do women have to put up with this shit and somehow balance on the tightrope of whether things are an overreaction? He made her uncomfortable with an inappropriate comment that he lied to you about and that the gym decided to ban him for - he was evidently watching her to be able to make this unsolicited comment. And for the gym staff to say what they said is grim too. She’s done nothing wrong and yet gets labelled a trouble maker while he’s some sort of victim. SMH!

Just yuck. I can't stand men that think it's OK to comment on what a woman is doing in the gym. It's already such a zoo type atmosphere with people flexing everywhere, cocking and preening etc.

I hope it helps him grow up a bit and I'm pleased he was banned.

There really is no need for anyone to be talking to anyone else in the gym. It's like the Tube FFS, just don't speak to anyone and avoid eye contact.

I might be there but I sure as hell don't want to socialise and I don't want your inner most thoughts shared with me either. So yes. I'm not that woman nor would I complain but someone saying something to me like that would mean I wouldn't really want to go back to the gym myself. So he really isn't the victim here. Tell him to get a grip and be more supportive next time. By saying fuck all.

I would feel mortified and deeply uncomfortable if some random man started commenting on my arse when I was in the gym. It’s sleazy and it doesn’t sound like he realises that.