Boyfriend lied to me about getting banned from his gym

If someone said that to me at the gym, I wouldn't feel at all comfortable going back. I think he absolutely should have been banned. It was far too personal a comment.

The staff are out of line condoning it.

"He says he made what he thought was an innocent comment which was laughed off by a woman in there at the time but she complained to staff after and he received an email re. the cancellation.
Anyway, he said a woman was doing squats and he joked to her after ‘I thought your leggings were going to split’.
He didn’t want to tell me about this because he tonight I’d be annoyed but he says he feels hard done by and that he was clearly joking."

He's a liar who sexually harassed women and he's a whiney baby when he gets called on his harassment. Call the Wahhhmbulance for his poor hurt feelings.

Comments to a woman about splitting her pants while she's exercising aren't innocent. He was hitting on her or negging her in the gym while looking at her ass and it's sexual harassment. He's dismissive about it because that shit isn't funny or a joke. It made the woman uncomfortable enough to complain. Management handled it appropriately. If staff thinks it's ok for men to sexually harass women at the gym, they shouldn't be working there.

Your BF is one of those nasty leering guys who make shitty offensive comments in the gym about women. You may put up with him but other women don't have to. FAFO, dude.

hmmm - so you think comments like this would be fine about your daughter? Just because they are more about the person saying them doesn't give them licence to say anything they feel like without consequences. Lets go back to the glory days catcalling

The gym sounds stupid.

Are you sure there isn’t more to the story?

That seems especially heavy handed by the gym for that. I would expect a warning not an immediate cancellation of membership.

Two wrongs don't make it right. His behaviour and the nature of the message terminating his membership.

I think that there should be a complaint about the gym response. If a customer is entitled or unreasonable or just a moaner about everything, that is between them and the gym. This might have been the only valid complaint that the woman concerned has made, but it makes it just as valid.

I would think that he's jealous of the weights I am using to do my squats personally, but each to their own. I don't get "offended" by anything and everything, it helps.

Comments made by other people are about them, not about me.

Her videos, HER choice.
And whether she is in fact large or not, has NOTHING to do w her confidence at an uninvited comment or her self perception. We know this as women - feeling fat/unattractive etc, no matter how we look.
And she is not a PITA for voicing and complaining that she found the comment unacceptable. It totally was!
I’d drop a dumbbell on that kind of guys foot AND complain if it were me.

Totally inappropriate comment as women should - as anyone else - be able to exercise in peace. Loads are self conscious about their appearance/weight/both, so having someone comment that their leggings were going to split would have pit me well off too (and I’m a fairly confident, mouthy woman when wronged & able to stand up for myself, but it would have hit a load of insecurity buttons)
the gym was right to exclude him & protect gymgoers from stupid comments. Even if she laughed in the moment, that means nothing. Embarrassment, surprise, social cues, trying not to cause a scene etc will do that. It doesn’t make it right or mean that the comment didn't smart. He’d have to have been staring at her butt to make the comment. Just euggh, lechery!
Had a woman posted about the comment made to her & how it made her feel, I think only v few of us would advise her to shrug it off & not complain.
A gym w a firm - and enforced - policy on acceptable behaviour sounds great to me!

Maybe she 'laughed' because she was nervous to confront him and tell him to fuck off, like I would have done!
If he wants to comment on women's arses, he can do it wirh his mates in the pub. Any man nowadays who makes comments to women they don't know, and therefore don't know how they will take it, is a dumb letchy creep.

Yeh, to be honest I'd probably sympathise with a friend and say it was harsh, but secretly think he deserved it.Wrong, I know, but I'd just be nice to maintain the friendship.

@ScarlettRunner shame on you!

@mum11970I guess from my high horse, less chance of creeps like the OP’s BF ogling me so, to that extent, I’m quite happy here.

As to MY rudeness…LOL. I guess it’s not rude at all to comment on some random woman’s ass at the gym.

How did he know how to find her on instagram anyway?

Just to turn this around ... what would you have thought if a strange man said this to you at the gym, and more to the point what would your bf have thought about his comments? if neither of you would be worried then I guess you are on the same page and there is no need to be concerned? although that still begs the question of why he lied about it

How would he feel if some perve was letching over your arse in the gym and making sleazy comments about your leggings…? Would he also find that a funny joke? He’s revolting and the fact you and the gym are minimising it is no better.

His comment was inappropriate and suggests he was staring at her arse whilst she was exercising. She complained and the gym rightly took swift action. He was in the wrong and they sent the message we won't accept this type of comment - nor should others have to put up with it.
Your boyfriend wasn't treated poorly - he acted inappropriately - whether he feels he misjudged it at the time or he is minimisng it now. I would hope this means he would learn from it.
I wouldn't be happy he lied about it to me - I can understand he was embarrassed but it makes it worse when you find out - he must have known your colleague knew and there was always going to be the chance you would find out.

In 2025, you don’t need a warning to know it’s inappropriate to make that sort of comment. Lots of people manage not to need to be reminded not to make gross comments.

Erm, he's not allowed to go back though, is he! He's been banned from that gym for unacceptable behaviour.

He says he feels he's been badly treated.

The truth is, he's furious that he's been called out on his misogynistic, inappropriate behaviour towards this woman.

I wonder how the woman feels about how he treated her. And how she'd feel if she knew he's playing the victim. But of course, she's either 'brought it on herself' or 'can't take a joke'.

Why do these type of men feel they have the 'right' to pass comment on women's bodies? They would not say it to a man they didn’t know well. They would not do it to, or in front of their wife/girlfriend/mum/sister and I'm willing to bet they wouldn't like it if a man spoke to their wife/girlfriend/mum/sister in this way .... because they definitely do know the intention behind the comment.

They then have the cheek to blame the woman when they have to justify their behavior. Because to apologise would dent their pathetic, fragile egos slightly.

This man has shown you who he is. Believe him.

As others have said he has lied to you deliberately to avoid this and I suspect it may be more than he is saying, frankly you can't trust anything he says about it now.

He knows what he said was wrong or he wouldn't have felt the need to lie or you might react badly. He knows.

I would have complained tbh. It's comments like that and feeling watched that make so many women stop doing exercise and sports.

A woman laughing a comment off does not mean it wasn’t serious. It’s a survival tactic all women do to diffuse the situation of a man being creepy.

Well done to the gym! I’m an avid gym goer and now only go with my DH because of men like this. I can’t even count the amount of times men have made inappropriate comments or even worse I’ve caught them taking photos of me! It’s happened to multiple of my friends too. Always complained to the gym and then nothing was done. I ended up switching gym and working my entire routine around DH. I bet there’s more to what he said.

I’m really sorry OP, I can only begin to imagine how hurt you must be right now, but he lied and hit it from you for this long. He must have felt really embarrassed and awkward about it, but the right thing to do would have been for him to tell you. I would feel really hurt and probably would lose trust and someone if they lied to me in this way, especially if it was my partner.
regarding whether or not the gym overreacted, it definitely is an inappropriate comment to make, why was he paying that much attention anyway, and even if it was true, it should have stayed a thought.

Ew. Who says that to a woman working out in the gym? Gross.

So he sexually harasses a woman at the gym, lies to you about being banned, then stalks her onto her Instagram page, ostensibly to show you ... what, exactly? So fucking creepy. This is not a good guy. How is that not clear to you?

That message from a staff member is shockingly unprofessional, and the person who wrote it should be fired. It sounds like the gym has an entrenched culture of misogyny. Well done to the woman who is standing up against it, and being disparaged behind her back for doing so.