Boyfriend lied to me about getting banned from his gym

Also if men can avoid commenting on other men's arses in the changing rooms or communal showers - they can absolutely avoid commenting on women's arses in public. The difference is they respect other men and know they'd be punched if they dared, but they know women would be too nervous or afraid to confront them and if they do it's overreacting. Ugh, how in 2025 do men like this still end up with gfs?!!

Urgh, he made a highly inappropriate comment to a woman he doesn’t know, after watching her doing squats at the gym. This is disgusting. It probably wasn’t the first time he’s done it.

@ScarlettRunner he was being the gym creep . Yuck Of course he didn’t tell you then you would know what he really does at the gym (perv on females )
This is who he is are you happy to be with him now you know the real him ?

Nope. It shouldn't happen. If a man I didn't know said that to me in a gym I'd definitely report it and ask that he be removed. Is it so difficult to ask men to behave like civilised human beings? The sad thing is that the OP still wants to be with this creep......

@ScarlettRunner If you were out on the street bending over to pick up something and a strange man came up to you and said - 'I thought your trousers were going to split' - would you find it funny? Now if you had to see the same strange man every day, would you feel more conscious about your clothes and how to bent down in front of him?

Just because it happened in a gym, to a strange woman and not you, doesn't make your bf's behaviour at all acceptable. He's a grown man and in 2025 with all the social media and public attention on men not commenting on women's bodies - he has no excuse to not understand why she'd feel uncomfortable. He isn't passing comments on the guys's clothing and bodies is he?? It's not just what he's said that's the issue, it's the fact he - (i) leches at strange women's bodies and then comments on them (ii) negs them and makes them feel uncomfortable with subtle put downs (iii) thinks he has the right to comment on women's bodies and if they complain it's an overreaction. Being laddie is ok behaviour with his mates, not strange women at the gym, workplace or on the street.

Doesn't matter how much of a gentleman he is to you, he's still creepy AF to other women. There's plenty of men who are lovely to their mums, daughters and gfs but treat other women like crap. Wayne Couzens was lovely to his own wife and children - doesn't make him a nice guy. You can't teach a grown man to respect women if he doesn't even think he's done something wrong.

People don’t need experience of ‘proper’ relationships to understand not to lie to others. You are excusing him because he is ‘a gentleman’ to you, only he is just presenting you with what you want to see. His true self is a man who not only makes inappropriate comments to women but lies to the one person he should always be open and honest with. I’m not getting at you but you need to open your eyes and see the person he is showing you that he really is. You will never be able to trust to either be honest, faithful or protective of you. Fuck that.

It wasn't 'clumsy' and he didn't 'say it to the wrong person' his comment was sexual harassment and it's the reason why me and so many other women have stopped going to the gym.
He was banned from the gym for sexual harassment, and the more people start calling this shit out for what it is, the safer it will be for women to go about their daily life without having to experience men harrasing them and expecting them to laugh it off!

Yeh it does happen but works both ways. Heard really vile and disturbing comments coming from women as well so not just men that do it. There are people on here calling this woman a victim. It’s human nature to look at others and as someone said earlier the rule in the gym is you don't look or talk to anyone is just ridiculous. There will be plenty relationships come about in the gym. It’s something both parties have in common. OP’s boyfriend made a stupid comment and obviously offended her by insinuating she had a big arse and if he didn't know before will realise now that it was wrong and inappropriate and wont be tolerated and has been banned for his behaviour. It doesnt make him a predator or sex pest.

I think what would put me off him the most is that he feels hard done by over this! He’s playing the victim and that would give me the ick.

Plus he never told you the truth until you confronted him with the truth. He should never have put you in a situation where ex-colleagues know more than you do, and where you’re left confused when they approach you. That’s the sign of being in a shitty relationship.

Finally, you say the woman at the gym is attractive and likely had an attractive figure. That’s exactly why he made the “innocent” comment to her. It’s not innocent really, as isn’t going to say that to some middle-aged overweight male stranger in the gym. I hate when men sexualise women working out, it creates a really uncomfortable environment/culture at the gym. So whilst I get he made the comment once and was kicked out, it’s still a situation that he should reflect on and consider that he messed up - as opposed to playing the victim.

The thing is, women shouldn’t have to endure any unwanted personal comments from men at all. They range from unwanted and unneeded technique “advice” to personal remarks like that and worse. His comment was mild but unless gyms have a zero tolerance policy it’ll never end. A man in a gym I used to go to got away with personal comments for years and it escalated to the point he suggested naked yoga and wore no underwear under his shorts and started flashing women on purpose in classes.

Why was he even watching a woman squatting in the first place, then to have watched so closely to have formed an opinion about her leggings and then to further state that opinion to her is bizarre. Clearly he knows what he said was wrong or he would have told you and not lied about it.

I think there was more to it tbh. If the woman felt uncomfortable enough to make a complaint then that in itself tells you the behaviour was wrong. This is the time we live in now. Even whistling at a woman in the street is classed as sexual abuse and builders etc would be sacked for that. Women should be able to work out without being made to feel uncomfortable.

how does your college even know about it?! Has the woman told her? It’s embarrassing for you really isn’t it?! I would be super pissed off tbh

I know you say you saw the email but really can that be all it was? I think the joke is obviously inappropriate and a bit lecherous. Probably not enough to cancel his membership though. So that begs the question what else has he done? People don’t get thrown out of a gym without a reason.

It was a highly inappropriate comment and I think the gym did well cancelling his membership. Good on them for prioritising safety for its members.
His attitude towards it is the worst though, zero reflection upon how it was inappropriate.

I am judging her Boyfriend for being a letch not OP

Urgh. Urgh. Urgh.
He looks at a woman and thinks about her leggings splitting - ie so her genitals might be on display - and then he tells her this.
Or she's overweight (not read the whole thread) and he's bringing that to her attention. Why? To intimidate? To put her in her place?
I'd laugh nervously and back away too.
That's disgusting what he said - because of the implications. If he can't see that then I'd get the ick.

Of course it's not acceptable, but unfortunately it happens. If he's the kind of twat to do it anyway, at the very least don't speak to women like that.

massive over reaction by the woman/gym. Makes me wonder if theres more to it eg previous comments/behaviour. If it was someone i recognised from gym sessions/id spoke to before, Id of found it funny but whatever

What handhold would that be? Her boyfriend is a creep who tells lies.

OP asked for a handhold not a nest of bitches judging her.

But this is mumsnet.

1. he's a lier
2. he's creeping on women in the gym
3. he's flirting with women behind your back in the gym

This!

I would think that he's jealous of the weights I am using to do my squats personally

🙄

Riiiight

Ugh. How dare he say that uninvited to a woman? Sorry @ScarlettRunner that would give me the massive ick, hugely entitled and offensive.

So acceptable to make lewd comments ‘about’ women with mates but just not to them?

First rule of the gym is that you don’t stare at others while they’re working out. You definitely don’t make comments that basically say “I was watching you and looking at your arse while you were squatting”.

Ban deserved.