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Original poster

Boyfriend lied to me about getting banned from his gym

386 replies

ScarlettRunner · 26/04/2025 14:01

Hi all,

I would appreciate a bit of a hand hold here, I’ve only found out this morning and don’t know what to make of it all.

My boyfriend is really into the gym, goes most days etc. About a month ago he told me he was changing gyms as he needed a bit of a change of scenery and because his had got really busy, I felt it was odd as I know he really liked it there but thought nothing more of it.

Out shopping this morning I bumped into an old colleague who also goes to the original gym. We had small talk and she asked how my BF is, and said she thought it was ‘harsh’ what happened to him.

I asked what she meant and she was apologetic and said she thought I knew, and that her understanding was my BF had his membership cancelled due to a complaint by another member, and that I’d need to ask him about it.

I phoned him as soon as I left that shop, and he admitted this was true. He says he made what he thought was an innocent comment which was laughed off by a woman in there at the time but she complained to staff after and he received an email re. the cancellation.

Anyway, he said a woman was doing squats and he joked to her after ‘I thought your leggings were going to split’.

He didn’t want to tell me about this because he tonight I’d be annoyed but he says he feels hard done by and that he was clearly joking.

I can’t work out whether I’m right to be upset about the comment or if it’s him hiding it which is making it feel worse, it’s just a bit embarrassing all round.

He’s adamant the gym over-reacted and to be fair, that’s what my old colleague suggested too.

OP posts:
Lampzade · 27/04/2025 13:17

He is a creep . I would get major ick

StrawberryDream24 · 27/04/2025 13:09

Lessoned learned for him though to jerk himself to himself

What a hilariously ironic typo

Bestfootforward11 · 27/04/2025 12:52

Whether the woman is ‘difficult’ or not, I do think the comment was inappropriate. It’d make me feel uncomfortable as I’d feel someone has been watching my bum and that there was some kind of implicit comment about my weight. I do think the gym over reacted though and banning was disproportionate for one comment.
But I think there’s other things to consider. Clearly your BF was watching this woman. And clearly he was watching such that he felt he needed to comment. I get that he says it was jokey but it’s either just offensive really or kind of potentially trying to flirt with her maybe? Would he say the same to man? I doubt it. You know him best and I hope things work out. Best wishes.

ItsUpToYou · 27/04/2025 12:32

Noodlehen · 26/04/2025 14:37

I don’t think it’s an extreme reaction to ban your boyfriend at all, gyms are safe space and a lot of people feel their most vulnerable in the gym, especially in tight clothes etc.

I was blessed cursed with a massive arse even though I’m not big at all and sometimes I feel uncomfortable when people look at it. If someone made a comment to me about my body / made it clear they were watching my bum I would absolutely complain and expect not to see them there again.

your boyfriend sounds disgusting and if he’s happy to make a comment like that to a stranger in a gym what other “flirty” jokes does he make to women in more acceptable settings?

Edited

Exactly. A comment like this would be enough to stop me going back to the gym completely.

Branleuse · 27/04/2025 12:29

I wouldn't be happy if a random man was watching my arse when i was trying to squat. Mostly youd never know, but if they then came up to you and commented on it, id feel self conscious and like I was bursting out of my clothes.

Why are men like that? Ugh

ItsUpToYou · 27/04/2025 12:26

olympicsrock · 26/04/2025 14:05

I think they overreacted… She was clearly offended though so he misjudged it.
If he is a decent guy and this was a one off - an apology and warning might have been better.

What “decent guy” makes comments like that to women who are trying to exercise? 🤮

1BodyProblem · 27/04/2025 12:23

HollyBerryz · 27/04/2025 12:21

I mean how would he even know unless he was staring at her arse? Totally inappropriate

Well it might have been in his eyeline but anyway. I suspect there is more to this than he is saying OP. You could check with the gym to be sure.

HollyBerryz · 27/04/2025 12:21

I mean how would he even know unless he was staring at her arse? Totally inappropriate

FarmGirl78 · 27/04/2025 12:21

ScarlettRunner · 26/04/2025 17:48

He says he wouldn’t want to go back given how he was treated, so it’s best for all involved he has moved on.

Show quote history

So ultimately he's embarrassed he's been caught out by you and had to confess to being a dick, but doesn't actually think what he did was actually dickish? He doesn't see it was an issue? He's sorry he got caught, not sorry for what he did.

FarmGirl78 · 27/04/2025 12:17

Noodlehen · 26/04/2025 14:37

I don’t think it’s an extreme reaction to ban your boyfriend at all, gyms are safe space and a lot of people feel their most vulnerable in the gym, especially in tight clothes etc.

I was blessed cursed with a massive arse even though I’m not big at all and sometimes I feel uncomfortable when people look at it. If someone made a comment to me about my body / made it clear they were watching my bum I would absolutely complain and expect not to see them there again.

your boyfriend sounds disgusting and if he’s happy to make a comment like that to a stranger in a gym what other “flirty” jokes does he make to women in more acceptable settings?

Edited

Yep! I have very little body confidence so if someone said this to me I'd have actually felt sick with worry I was being judged by regular gym goers and probably wouldn't have returned. I'm absolutely thrilled to know that there's gyms out there that will take action and support women (or men!) from inappropriate judgey men. Hooray!!

ilovesooty · 27/04/2025 12:15

Pherian · 27/04/2025 12:07

I wouldn’t be mad at him.

Lessoned learned for him though to jerk himself to himself. People get offended over anything now.

Show quote history

I can't believe I just read that.

Hitchinkitchen · 27/04/2025 12:13

Inappropriate comment aside, I wouldn’t get so worked up about him not revealing the real reason why he got banned. I think I would have lied too in his situation. He obviously feels like he wants the ground to swallow him up.

ilovesooty · 27/04/2025 12:12

Cosyblankets · 27/04/2025 12:02

The fact that the message said that is quite unprofessional from a business.

Show quote history

If the OP doesn't report that message she's colluding with the behaviour he's been banned for and I'll judge the fuck out of that.

IDipYouDipWeDip · 27/04/2025 12:09

Your boyfriend is a creep and a liar. And he feels like he’s the victim in all of this. 🤯

I’d be dumping him.

Pherian · 27/04/2025 12:07

ScarlettRunner · 26/04/2025 14:01

Hi all,

I would appreciate a bit of a hand hold here, I’ve only found out this morning and don’t know what to make of it all.

My boyfriend is really into the gym, goes most days etc. About a month ago he told me he was changing gyms as he needed a bit of a change of scenery and because his had got really busy, I felt it was odd as I know he really liked it there but thought nothing more of it.

Out shopping this morning I bumped into an old colleague who also goes to the original gym. We had small talk and she asked how my BF is, and said she thought it was ‘harsh’ what happened to him.

I asked what she meant and she was apologetic and said she thought I knew, and that her understanding was my BF had his membership cancelled due to a complaint by another member, and that I’d need to ask him about it.

I phoned him as soon as I left that shop, and he admitted this was true. He says he made what he thought was an innocent comment which was laughed off by a woman in there at the time but she complained to staff after and he received an email re. the cancellation.

Anyway, he said a woman was doing squats and he joked to her after ‘I thought your leggings were going to split’.

He didn’t want to tell me about this because he tonight I’d be annoyed but he says he feels hard done by and that he was clearly joking.

I can’t work out whether I’m right to be upset about the comment or if it’s him hiding it which is making it feel worse, it’s just a bit embarrassing all round.

He’s adamant the gym over-reacted and to be fair, that’s what my old colleague suggested too.

I wouldn’t be mad at him.

Lessoned learned for him though to jerk himself to himself. People get offended over anything now.

JandamiHash · 27/04/2025 12:07

OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 27/04/2025 12:05

Really?

Show quote history

I wonder if OP can tell us which gym so everyone can avoid it and it’s misogynistic staff

This is why I use a women’s only gym

Amateurs10 · 27/04/2025 12:06

Would love to know the name of the gym that speaks of clients wishing not to hassled by creeps, while working out, as " a pain in the arse".

OP, know this, your relationship bar is really low and you are likely to regret it some day.

There is a reason single sex gyms and time slots do well in gyms.....to avoid creeps that oggle.

OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 27/04/2025 12:05

ScarlettRunner · 26/04/2025 14:38

Yeah I did question him and when I got home he was able to show me the email the manager sent him which explained the reasoning and quoted what he said word for word.

He also showed me a message to
him from one of the staff who basically said the woman who complained is a known pain in the arse and she wouldn’t have let it go if he wasn’t banned. The message said the staff found the comment funny as it was clearly a joke…

Show quote history

Really?

Secondguess · 27/04/2025 12:02

I wonder how he'd feel if a man had said that to you at the gym?

Many women are already uncomfortable about going to the gym because of how some men behave. There are lots of posts on fitness sites where women want to modify their workouts (squats, hip thrusts, glute bridges etc) in mixed-sex gyms because of this attitude. It's such a shame that women's health and fitness is being affected in this way.

Regarding your relationship, it's also concerning that he lied and hid this from you. It doesn't sound like he'd have ever told you. In a relationship he could have asked your opinion and thought about how you'd feel if someone said that to you.

Cosyblankets · 27/04/2025 12:02

ScarlettRunner · 26/04/2025 14:38

Yeah I did question him and when I got home he was able to show me the email the manager sent him which explained the reasoning and quoted what he said word for word.

He also showed me a message to
him from one of the staff who basically said the woman who complained is a known pain in the arse and she wouldn’t have let it go if he wasn’t banned. The message said the staff found the comment funny as it was clearly a joke…

Show quote history

The fact that the message said that is quite unprofessional from a business.

Amateurs10 · 27/04/2025 12:02

As you have read the mail and can confirm it was what it was is good.
That he lied is a huge red flag.

Women should be able to go to a gym without having to fend off comments that are only funny to the person making them.

Of course she laughed in the moment.
She had every right to tell the gym that she didn't want to deal with this again.

You sound happy to move on.

It would give me the Ick that he is that type of a bit of a sleazy creep that needs to verbalise his thoughts.

I think he has shown you he is extremely immature but if that is what you are happy to settle for, so be it.

That woman has every right to not have to listen to his rubbish.
You are looking at it as one little comment.
What if she has half a dozen idiots every session talking such shite at her?
Not pleasant.

HE needs to grow up, learn some respect for women, and keep his sleazy thoughts to himself.

Bloop1986 · 27/04/2025 12:00

I actually don't think the gym overreacted! I am glad they took this measure of zero tolerance on a misogynistic and creepy comment! Have you considered how you would feel if you were doing a workout and a man had approached you and said that to you! It would mean that man had been watching you exercise! Why can women not exsist in a place and not receive unwanted comments? He knows it was an inappropriate comment and that is why he has hidden this from you.

Springhassprungxx · 27/04/2025 11:58

HomeTheatreSystem · 26/04/2025 14:58

Would he have said the same to a bloke? No. There's your answer.

Exactly. I had an older man be really rude to me about my running once and l thought this too. He wouldn't say it to another man. And at least l waa doing something to keep fit.

ItsAWonderfulDayForPie · 27/04/2025 11:58

He shouldn’t have made the comment. He’s clearly staring at women’s arses/bodies and then pushing it further by making derogatory/flirty comments.
He then lied because he knew he was being inappropriate and didn’t want you to know about it. Strange how he commented to a “stunning” woman.

Glancing/noticing is one thing but gawping/leering…..no.

Women of all sizes deserve a safe space to workout that’s free of perverts. It’s a shame the staff don’t respect this either.

Goldenyearsmyrs · 27/04/2025 11:55

I'm an old man and even I know you don't comment on women's bodies in a public space. It doesn't matter if it's jokey, complimentary or belittling in intent, you just don't.