Boyfriend lied to me about getting banned from his gym

Agree ... so from sexual harassment to sexual assault - seemingly some posters believe sexual harassment is acceptable and only sexual assault crosses the line.

What about the lie? Would you be so desperate to keep this clown that you would ignore the fact he blatantly lied to you? What a low bar you must have.

He was ogling a woman’s arse at the gym, said something completely inappropriate, and got caught. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s minimized it to you. I know I’d be mortified if that happened to me, and I would be very upset if my BF did it to another woman.

Her being a known complainer doesn't make his comment any less inappropriate. Good on her for taking a zero tolerance approach to sexual harassment. And good on the gym for backing her up. Women need more people calling out this kind of low level every day sexism for what it is.

This story sounds off and does not ring true.

Yup. That’s the difference. You didn’t say it. Because it’s none of your business. You knew that. The guy in question didn’t.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt if he's not usually saying stuff like this. I've said an almost identical comment to a guy before, although in that case I a) knew him well, and b) we both knew it was a joke because he'd literally split his trousers doing a similar move in the past. Someone listening who didn't know us might have been outraged of course.

I'd be less impressed that he'd hidden it from me.

Blimey. If I were a female member of the gym and I heard staff held the view that it was funny for their male members to make sexist, body shaming comments to their female members, thought it was funny and only banned him because the woman concerned ‘wouldn’t let it go’ (aka could stand up for herself…) I’d be resigning my membership pronto. How vile.

Presumably if he had actually groped her?
As I said, low bar

Laddy/jokey = inappropriate and pervy.

His behaviour was totally unnecessary and inappropriate, a form of sexual harassment.

The member of staff taking his side is someone who thinks its totally acceptable for women to have to accept being sexually harrassed by strangers while they are at the gym.

You condoning it makes you part of the problem too OP.

Why do you think it was acceptable for this woman to have to experience this?

If he's hidden and lied about it then whatever was said was probably the last straw. Not a first incident.

Hopefully it's taught him a lesson.

It is pretty low-grade to take the piss out of women at the gym. The lying about it shows he feels a bit ashamed. I would prefer that to having to listen to angry outrage at being banned. I am amazed that some people think it’s is flirting! Unless he is 14, I wouldn’t think it was flirting.

For god sake, hardly a reason to end a relationship!
He should have kept his mouth shut but a bit OTT reaction to cancel the membership. Unfortunately people cant say anything now because others are too ‘easily offended’. God I’ve had worse than that said to me in my lifetime and if I thought it was inappropriate I said as much at the time. She laughed then reported him afterwards. I would really hate to be a man these days. If a woman had said that to a man it would’ve been left there.

He hasn't 'just' done anything. He's made a comment, presumably with sexualised intent from what else you say about the victim, about a woman just trying to get on with her workout.
Being laddy isn't any sort of excuse and blaming the woman as somehow lacking in his shit sense of humor is pretty rank.

If she has a stunning figure, then he most certainly was trying to hit on her.

but it could be worse.

Such as?

@ScarlettRunnerher size is completely irrelevant. He shouldn’t have said it. Neither should he have subsequently lied to you about it.

Women are sick, sore and tired of “laddy/jokey” guys getting in their way and making unwanted comments. We’ve had to put up with it for decades.

Honestly, just STFU.

All the posters saying the gym overreacted… really???

I actually think it makes a refreshing change to see sexual harassment being taken seriously, because that’s what it was regardless of the intent. A comment like that implies he was looking at her bum and possibly had been watching her for a while so I don’t blame her for complaining.

Maybe he “meant it as a joke” but how was she to know that? How was she to know he wasn’t going to continue making comments… or watching her… or be waiting for her outside wanting to ask her a drink and then get mad when she said no… or be surreptitiously filming her and putting it online?

And the victim is dismissed as a PITA because she dared to challenge the unwanted behaviour.

Stop normalising this shit!

Agree. Sounds like the staff and the manager need to ban themselves whilst they're at it. It's obviously a toxic environment all round.

I'd imagine she's sick of blokes coming onto her.
The gym staff thinks she's a pain- maybe she's just getting harassed because of her body and isn't really a pain.

Putting whatever was said aside, you will never be able to trust him. For me that’s the end of a relationship.

Do you think the poster would be more fun if she was happy to be ogled or to have her bum commented on by strange men? Stupid women spoiling men's fun by not enjoying being objectified.

Who would the right person have been OP?

FGS in general