Boyfriend lied to me about getting banned from his gym

Why did he have to say anything to her at all?

What was he hoping by it?

Don’t usually comment on this kind of thread but I’m so glad the gym in question took the action they did. Sorry he lied to you though!

Any what about the fact he lied to you? Are you seriously remaining in a relationship with a man you cannot trust?

She's filming her workouts and putting them on social media for anyone to see?

Oh dear. It might be a big leap, but I can picture a few people like this.
I would just move on from there and forget about it. I absolutely think the gym over-reacted.

I wish gyms could crack down on people who confuse a public gym with their private recording studio. Some people would love to concentrate on their own workouts as it happens.

Don't get me wrong, if he was using his stupid Joke as a chat-up line, I would not forgive him, but because it's awful 😂

He stared at a woman squatting, then made it clear he’d been letching and objectifying her, to the point she felt uncomfortable, then he lied to you. Overreaction from the gym or not, or this woman being a PITA or not (what are your bfs friends basing this on? Her not thinking men commenting on her arse is hilarious?) I wouldn’t appreciate my DP doing any of that anyway.

"Sexual harassment is illegal in the UK and can be a criminal offense. It's considered unlawful under the Equality Act 2010 and can also be prosecuted under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997. Specific behaviors, such as unwanted touching or comments of a sexual nature, can be grounds for criminal charges if they cause distress or alarm."

Looks to me that the gym could be liable for your BFs criminal behaviour.

He shouldn’t have said it. He basically said I was checking out your arse. Which is probably why he didn't tell you.

Agreed. That member of staff should be disciplined. Are you going to inform the gym @ScarlettRunner ?

Its likely that they have a behaviour policy that he read and signed up to on joining that he violated.

"Stunning figure" ... yes he was leering at her butt - she must be sick of creeps like him.

How do you feel about him doubling down and minimising it?

Has he learnt anything - does he have any respect or empathy for women and their personal space? Did he offer to apologise to the lady rather than justifying his actions as a 'joke' - thats what all the creeps say. Grim.

I can't believe the number of pp who actually think the gym was over reacting!

It must be a very unpleasant place for women members if the staff actually side with the male members sexually harassing them.

I can't understand OP appearing not to be bothered by his behaviour. That he pervs on other women while he is at the gym doesn't seem to be an issue for her. But I suppose if she is happy to be in a relationship with a man she describes as " laddish " I expect she is used to putting up with a lot of behaviour many women would find unacceptable.

It's just another sad MN thread where women can't get on with doing normal everyday things without being harassed and made to feel uncomfortable.
And another sad thread where some women are happy to condone and minimise men's disgusting attitudes and behaviour.

@Cornoffthecob

"Unfortunately people cant say anything now because others are too ‘easily offended’. God I’ve had worse than that said to me in my lifetime"

I know this will fall on deaf ears, but it's not about being easily offended. It's about ending male entitlement. Since time began men have felt free to talk to women any way they like. I was a teenager in the 70's and jesus christ, men thought they could say (and often do) absolutely anything. Like we were property and barely human. If we didn't laugh it off in a suitably sweet and girly way, we were branded lesbians or mentally ill - or both. Women shouldn't have to spend their lives poised for the next comment about their body from a complete stranger, or finding humourous and clever ways to fend them off. I shouldn't feel too sorry for this bloke if I was you.

How about, why is he now on her IG? 🤮

Are you thinking of following up with references to banter and snowflakes?

What does laddy mean, OP?
You sound quite permissive of his behaviour, OP.

It doesn’t matter if she was fat or not, he was still commenting on the size - saying it was about to burst out of her clothes. He wanted to indicate to her he was watching and see if she was interested.

Badly handled all around. Your boyfriend's comment was inappropriate. Did he even know the woman he was making the comment to? Would he have done the same to a man? I doubt it in both cases. She was right to complain. I do think the gym overreacted and are a bit spineless/part of the problem.

She is "a pain"? So they only banned him to cover their own asses? Spineless. They could have given him a warning and banned him if it had happened again. Then again, this may not be his first offense, given OP describes him as "laddish". In either case, they thought that his comments were fine when they weren't.

I do think the boyfriend is no price. Laddish behavior, inappropriate comments to strange women and lying about the consequences of his actions. That would be it for me, with both the boyfriend and the gym, if I were a member.

You think harassment is funny?

Gyms should have a zero tolerance policy for harassment. It’s so easy for people to be deterred from exercising. Everyone deserves to be able to come to the gym.

It’s also just good business. Weeding out the negative energy means more customers in the long run.

So he was attempting to chat her up. Does that make it better or worse than an insulting joke to a fatty?

No wonder he lied. Then tried to blame on the woman (she complains about everything).

How long have you been together? At least you know he pervs over other women and hits on them when you aren't there.

I'd move on. At some stage, one woman will say yes and the relationship will be over anyway.

I’d be annoyed if he made a comment like that to a woman at the gym. I’d explain to him that women often feel unsafe in spaces like gyms, and that comments like this can add to that sense of discomfort. I’d be even more upset that he lied about it.

However, we’re all human and we all make mistakes. This could be a valuable opportunity for him to learn. What matters now is what he does with this knowledge — whether he takes responsibility for having said something that could feel invasive and inappropriate, and whether he acknowledges that lying about it made things worse.

If he can do that, it could still be ok for both of you.

It was a vile comment. And why bring the behaviour of women into it? This is about a man’s behaviour - and it’s not as uncommon as you think. There’s a reason I go to a PT with a private gym.

He also showed me a message to
him from one of the staff who basically said the woman who complained is a known pain in the arse and she wouldn’t have let it go if he wasn’t banned. The message said the staff found the comment funny as it was clearly a joke…

If you were any sort of human being you would take this message to the gym management to show them the degrading stance this employee has towards female customers.

@Cornoffthecobyeah, so hard to be a man these days.

The problem with many men is that they’re just so fucking arrogant they think everyone needs to know their ‘banter’.

Also, I doubt she was offended as such. She probably just found it irritating and embarrassing to have a stranger make such a comment to her.

amazing how the many women on this thread might THINK the comment in private but have the good sense not to voice it. And yet such social tact is such an ARDUOUS STRUGGLE for men.

Yeah, poor men, right enough.

Just when women squat? Or do men’s clothes stretch then too? It’s what leggings are designed for.

It feels like it perhaps was not a one off incident and he has downplayed what was said. Did he even apologise? To her or you?