Boyfriend lied to me about getting banned from his gym

Would he watch a man squat and comment on his arse? Why not?

How many women are allowed to be upset about it before it’s ‘too many?’
And specifically what number of comments, and at what distance does she have to deal with before she has the ‘right’ to complain?

I think the women on here defending the gym and minimising what he said, and the staff response is bloody awful.

Why should women put up with this shit. Why was he watching her bum at all.

I'm glad he was banned, it isn't an overreaction.

@StrawberryDream24you and I both have expressed the sentiment that he (and men like him) should STFU: the OP seems to be taking issue with this position.

@ScarlettRunner Anyway, he said a woman was doing squats and he joked to her after ‘I thought your leggings were going to split’.

That's just creepy as f-uck. He lied to you because he knows he did something wrong, what else is he lying about?

Please reconsider your relationship with this creep.

This is a real 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them' moment.
Your boyfriend

A) is clearly hitting on other women when the opportunity arises- I can gaurauntee he's doing it regularly and this just happens to be the first time he hasn't gotten away with it

B) lied to you about it to cover his own arse. For those dismissing the nature of his comment- do you think he would dare say that in fron of the woman's boyfriend, or in front of the OP if she was there to see it? Not bloody likely.

C) is clearly only regretful about what happened because you found out and being banned from the gym is an inconvenience. No remorse whatsoever about the poor woman he made uncomfortable.

You deserve better. How mortifying for you to have a boyfriend who pervs on women to the extent he's been banned from a public space.

I would get rid and in time you'll look back and realize you've dodged a bullet.

It wasn't a nice comment but nor was it a big deal. I'll vote over-reaction.

What's it matter now, though? I hope he likes his new gym well enough.

Who told you to stfu?

Do you mean my post where I said he needs to learn to stfu?

He does need to learn to stfu.

There's no anger behind that, on my part. It's just a colloquialism.

(And your accusation of "anger" seems like you're using a typical strategy for undermining someone i.e. you're angry .... hence you must be irrational, projecting etc.).

Anyway, personally I think it sounds like he was coming onto her.

So you have that problem, as much as the fact he's verbally inappropriate.

If he’d been willing to repeat the comment to you, I’d have had faith that it was innocent / misconstrued. The fact that he made up a lie about changing gyms as it was busy, rather than telling you about the ridiculous injustice of being kicked out, suggests that he knows the comment he made wasn’t appropriate. I think the issue isn’t if it was a membership-cancelling kind of comment: it’s more about if it was a comment appropriate for a man (and one a in relationship) to be making to a stranger who is quietly getting on with her gym session. He knows it was a bit letchy. That’s why he lied.

Do you think your pals are close enough and the lads honest enough to say ‘yes he deserved it’?

This - I already feel self conscious enough without having to worry that some man is going to make a comment. Gyms need to be safe spaces for women, or else we need to call them out on it.

So she isn't a random gym goer. Turns out she has an Instagram page the bf knows about. She has a stunning figure and records herself so maybe an influencer type. I understand that some influencers can be awkward in gyms about their eqpt eg tripods but he basically tried it on and the gym don't want her posting about the inappropriate comments she received. Harsh lesson but maybe he can keep quiet in future.

Just as well the world is based on your 'opinion'.

He commited the criminal offense of sexual harassment under the 2010 Equalities Act. Bring it up with your MP if you believe the law should be reversed.

Comments like that from men are why I stopped going to the gym. They make it such an uncomfortable environment that many women give up something that is so helpful for physical and mental health.

We shouldn't need female only gyms, men should learn respect, but I won't be in mixed sex spaces when exercising anymore.

If my DH said that to a random woman I would be absolutely disgusted and the fact that he lied is a huge red flag. He will keep lying about things to cover his back in the future

What about her tone was unpleasant? Perfectly reasonable comment and question. He IS part of the problem and I don't believe for a second that was the only comment he made, generally people minimise when caught out.

@ScarlettRunnerthat “STFU” was directed towards idiot men like your boyfriend.

That anger among many of us has been brewing over decades of being leered at and subjected to smart ass comments but men substantially less intelligent than we are.

It’s absolutely righteous anger, and MN is one of the few spaces on the internet it’s fully understood. So kindly don’t try to quench or silence it.

Women are allowed to be angry: it’s often a catalyst for change. We don’t have to #bekind the entire time.

You BF illegally carried out a criminal act of sexual harassment against a woman on a business's premises and and the gym over reacted by banning him?

speaking of over-reactions...

I would have laughed it off myself. Are you sure that's all what happened? Because of it is I think it's an over reaction from the woman and the gym

as the non MN ones I’ve heard all think the gym over-reacted.

Oh thats convenient - where did you source them from?

You BF illegally carried out a criminal act of sexual harassment against a woman on a business's premises and and the gym over reacted by banning him?

Would it be an over reaction from a retailer to ban some from stealing from their premises?

You don’t think the fact he lied to OP is an ‘issue’?

Wasn't it just and I'm betting it was from a male member of staff.
The boyfriend wants to keep his quips to himself.. idiot.

the woman who complained is a known pain in the arse and she wouldn’t have let it go if he wasn’t banned.

Would it really be up to her if he was banned or not?

Are there not Ts&Cs at play here?

If she's such a pita why didn't they tell her that what he had done wasn't a banning offence & she was free to go elsewhere?

I was also a teenager in the 70’s and I know times have changed regarding whats acceptable and whats not. My point is too many women have jumped on the bandwagon and take everything as an insult or sexually motivated comment. I didn't say I agreed with what OP’s boyfriend said, he should have kept that to himself but as I read it he passed by this gym goer and made a stupid comment. If he had been hanging over the top of her harrassing her or even if this had been one in a long line of comments he made to her then she had every right to complain about him. Lots of posters on here making this a lot more seedy and sexually motivated than more than likely intended.

You don't know whether he knew her or not.

While MN can be a bit brutal I would be surprised if any of your friends and family are going to be as truthful.
They won't want to say that your BF is a letch and should have beeen banned

The comment is innocent in my opinion. Way ott to ban him for such a comment. It's fine don't split it because of this if there aren't other issues.