For ending an exhausting friendship?

Why the need to “call her out” at all? Why not ask privately if something is wrong? Because that doesn’t get you attention on social media - that’s why.

Funny how her reaction isn’t to check if OP is okay, or wonder if she’s lost her phone. It’s straight to a passive aggressive “What about meeee? Pay attention to me!!!”

People on here are lightning-fast with their “LTB, end the friendship” etc. etc. ‘advice’. Firstly, are you sure that Snapchat post was about you? She’s probably like this with others as well.

Obviously I don’t know all the ins and outs of your friendship, but the next time you speak to her, maybe don’t mention that you saw the Snapchat story (unless she can see you’ve seen it - don’t know how it works), but maybe just tell her how stressed you are and how demanding things are with your child and say you can’t always chat when you want to. I.e. try to appeal to her better nature (obviously only works if she has one)

Hopefully she’ll get the message, if not then she’s being unreasonable. But I wouldn’t just dump her without maybe trying to get her to understand

Not unreasonable at all. I have done the same, I worked, she didn't but wasn't happy with me not replying straight away.

I’m sorry to say it, but this isn’t a real friendship.
This person does not care for your welfare 😔

This is why I dislike WhatsApp! It somehow seems more immediate than texting and creates this expectation of an instant response. And don’t get me started on the nightmare flow of endless communication that is WhatsApp groups….

Back in the day it was generally ok to return a phone call within a couple of days. If it was that urgent then they would call again.

You are not wrong
People like that are needy and exhausting, I would let the friendship fizzle out as she clearly doesn’t understand the situation that you are in and is only concerned about herself

In the kindest possible way, your child being autistic is irrelevant. (As in, you don't need an excuse to end the friendship) You have a child and a life of your own. I would be stepping back from this friendship as it is suffocating.

She is a mean person and very self absorbed. No one has time for that.

Oh I've had this. Friend kept putting up passive aggressive social media posts up such as "people only contact you when they want something" etc shortly after I had sent her a message to check in with her. This happened several times, so eventually I sent a message saying not to bother anymore and I felt our friendship had run it's course. It was upsetting at the time but liberating.

Maybe you're both in different stages of your lives here but I'm a bit on the fence about this one.

Friendships do require a bit of effort no matter how busy you are and someone taking 2 weeks to reply to me would tell me they aren't that worried about sustaining a friendship with me. I would never expect a reply straight away though. Or do a PA status online but she might not even have meant it for you?

That being said I do have friends who we don't talk for a few weeks and we are still great friends but I'd never leave someone on read for 2 weeks! I've got ADHD and I would have forgotten the conversation by then! I reply when they can but I have told them that. I also tell people I don't reply to messages when out with others as it's iust rude to not give my attention to the person I'm with.

I think maybe just tell your friend that you haven't got time to reply all day long. Just say to her if it's urgent to ring you but I will reply every few days when I have a moment. Tell her you aren't attached your phone and you need down time from dealing with your family.

It sounds to me though like you already want to end the friendship and not give her chance to correct it from her side. But if you haven't explained this to her and expect her to just get it, then you are being unreasonable, sometimes some people do it need it spelling out. Just get your big girl pants on and tell her. If she doesn't then you know she only thinks of herself.

She'd have a field day with me OP.

50% of the time I don't know where my phone is, and when I do it's on silent & because it's some dodgy shit make it doesn't send notifications for what's app.

No regrets.

How can you be sure she’s talking about you?

The point is you've been in touch so the next reply does not need to be so swift

She’s at fault and unreasonable but you’ve been feeding her behaviour by apologising to her when you don’t answer immediately. Have you ever actually tried just telling her matter of factly, unapologetically and assertively that you won’t be answering messages immediately as you have a busy life, and that it doesn’t mean anything negative about how you feel about her as a friend?

if you’ve done this and she’s ignored it then fine fade her out, but I don’t understand the people on mumsnet who go straight to fade without first just stating to their friend in a matter of fact way what the problem is.

Yes, it takes seconds to reply to a text asking a straightforward question, like what time to expect you for lunch.

If it's a general "chit chat" message, OP could reply immediately but her friend will likely take that as a green light for a sustained back-and-forth. I sometimes read a message but file it away to reply later, when I have the time (or brain space) to engage properly.

Tell her to fuck off and grow up. I'm old, thats what I'd do.

I had a friend like this and a very similar situation via social media. I blocked and moved on

How do you know this message is about you.
Sounds pretty pathetic anyway, whoever it's about.
You do need to maintain friendships and put effort in thought if you want a friendship.

Just say hey I read your snap and whilst I know its not about me cause you know my situ just wanted to say in case you didn’t know already I’m not quick answering texts as I’m blah blah busy until later in day / week whatever, if it’s urgent call me

I never respond to messages until it suits me unless it’s an emergency or there’s a hard time limit involved eg ‘I have a spare ticket for X— let me know by 10?’

Other people’s perception of appropriate response times are just that — their perceptions. No need for confrontations or ending friendships.

I dislike the expectation that texts must be read and responded to immediately. A text or WhatsApp is not urgent, much like email. A phonecall is more immediate and offers quick response if needed

I feel like this ‘calling you out’ business should be reserved for more heinous crimes. A good friend would realise you just have a busy life and that you’ll reply later.

She has zero empathy. Your life is not all about her.

Posting passive aggressive digs on social media is uncalled for and for doing that, I don't blame you for wanting to end the friendship.

Outwith the social media post, does she bring anything positive to the friendship? If it wasn't for the issue with replying to messages, would you remain friends with her?

If no, then definitely end the friendship, however if yes, can you not have a honest chat with her about her expectation of you? Maybe you can both reach some kind of compromise where she doesn't expect as much from you, and when she contacts you, you reply to her but she understands that you can't engage in lengthy chats or conversations.

I'm guessing the reason you don't reply is because one reply leads to a huge conversation which you don't have the time or energy for? One text takes a matter of seconds, and if you know she isn't expecting a long conversation, you might be more responsive to her. If you both understand each other it should resolve this issue, a serious chat might be all that's needed.

The social media digs though were bad form on her part.

She’s not a good friend Op, just ignore her from now on and if she contacts you to ask why, just ignore…

Or put a post up saying "people who demand you're immediately available at their convenience irrespective of what might be going on in your life, are not worthy of your time or friendship"