For ending an exhausting friendship?

Thanks @BadSkiingMum. Appreciate it. Love the user name btw. 😀😀.

@YourShyRoseDreamer
That was a painful story to read and would have pushed me over the edge! 😂

There’s always one 🙄

Say you have 15 people in your life who expect an instantaneous response to messages, and tend to get shitty with you if this doesn’t happen.

Say every time you send a brief reply to one of these friends, they reply to your reply, and expect a reply to their reply, etc etc.

And the content of their texts is invariably either inane daily chit-chat, or details of their various dramas and conflicts - or, in some cases, their severe mental health issues for which they will not seek professional help, preferring instead to disgorge all their trama and self-loathing on their friends by text 24/7 and feel abandoned and betrayed when they don’t get instantaneous responses.

It quickly adds up to a LOT. And you’re basically letting people shit into your mind all day long.

That’s not what friendship looks like, in my book.

If you have friends with sensible expectations, who don’t spam you with endless messages, or upsetting messages that require a lot of very careful consideration to answer, then yes, it’s a simple matter to reply quickly. But that’s clearly not what’s going on for OP.

Depends, on the nature of the text doesn't it? Plus OP's 'friend' isn't the only one OP has to respond to. There is such a thing as headspace. Sometimes we can't give to incoming messages. It is the height of rudeness to expect instant replies.

And in OP's situation where she has to literally deal with her vulnerable child in the here and now, her mate's messages are not a priority, especially if she has form for being needy and seeking OP's time when she hans't got the time.

How on earth do adult behave in such a needy and rude manner?

Get off your screens, live life in the here and now. Idiots.

People like this are fucking exhausting. Just let the friendship go.

(If you can, that is. The types that demand constant communication and instant responses also tend not to believe anyone has the right not to be their friend, and will badger you to death wanting to talk it out)

I honestly can't believe that grown adults put passive aggressive comments like that on social media. I wouldn't reply to her messages either, she sounds really childish and manipulative.

Put up a quote that says fuck off in a nice font.

Seriously though, you can find friends that don’t make you feel like you’re beholden to them all the time and get bitchy about it. This is a type of person that I avoid.

There are lots of posts on here in a similar vein to the OP. My thoughts are always "a friend wouldnt do this, therefore this person is not a friend"

people who ignore you until it suits them to talk to you, are not worth your time or friendship

Well there you go then, she’s agreeing with you that it’s time to let the friendship go.

Shes not, but I’d call her bluff.

And when you have an autistic child, sometimes those seconds are better spent having a breather, nipping to the bathroom or just having a moment to yourself. The demand and expectation of an immediate response is draining when you're already dealing with so much.

@RisetteMcG I would pull back. This relationship may not serve you well in the long run.

She shouldn’t have made such a passive aggressive message on socials, but I’m another one who thinks it only takes a few seconds to reply to a text. If I message someone and it stays on ‘delivered’ I’m more inclined to think the person is busy than if it goes to ‘read’. That tells me the person has picked it up but is choosing not to answer which annoys me because they clearly are on their phone. You also were on you your phone when you read her message on social media. So you can’t say you are never on your phone! I’m also assuming your child sleeps sometimes? So you aren’t on your phone at all then either?
Look, I don’t think people can expect other people to be constantly available to them. But if a friend can’t expect another friend to at least acknowledge their attempt to make contact within a reasonable timescale then why are you friends? You can send a few words to say ‘sorry busy right now I’ll get back to you once DC is in bed’ or even ‘things are hectic call you in a few days?. Nine words.
Or, make it known to your friend that you tend not to respond to texts as they arrive but have set aside, say, Saturday evenings to respond to messages, that way you are managing expectations at least.

Personally I think the fact that you're presuming the quote is about you means that you know you've not been the best friend you can be - and yes I'm a single mum to 2 autistic children and still maintain friendships!

Is she 14?

when i was building a friendship i used to text and then wait for them to text back, sometimes they would apologies that they didnt reply sooner but i always said its ok due to them being busy etc and because its eg watsapp then text as and when,

No

Don't bother and 'prove' her point

You won't miss her

People like your 'friend' are crazy and need to get a life.

I couldn't be bothered with someone like that and would tell her she is high maintenance.

I don’t have any kids, and if my friends expected me to drop everything and reply to them immediately every time they message me I’d think they were mental.

Sorry not rtft but the fact your child autistic is irrelevant - you are allowed to reply to her when it's convenient for you. Bin her off.

Just don't message her and if she asks why tell her because she puts passive aggressive messages on SM

I don’t think this friendship will work for you OP. You have enough on your plate. And your priorities and that of your friend differ quite a bit it would seem. Life is too short for this kind of silly pressure from her. Let it go, I would suggest. Life is stressful enough without this kind of daftness on your friend’s part. I do feel for you as I have had similiar experiences with a work colleague and a friend. I won’t go on about the colleague or we will be here all day! 😂😂

[I had a friend who would send about 6 whatsapps all boiling down to what could be said in a single msg. When I replied, my msg would be followed up with loads of questions. All on separate messages and then the all ok messages would follow if I didn’t reply asap. I explained to her that I was feeling overwhelmed (had a sudden bereavement) and would let her know that when I was back online as it were. Still the messages came and come to this day. I have simply archived the chat as it was clear that she was unwilling to stop messaging. What drove me loopy at one stage is that she kept hassling me about various Xmas drinks when they were the last thing I felt like with my bereavement. No understanding shown at all so I have had to leave things there. She should have been a blooming detective she asked so many questions and she was well know for her love of challenging what people said. Otherwise, a lovely woman who I was very fond of but I don’t have the inclination or energy for the need to be on WhatsApp and responsive at the level she wants. The chasing did my head in tbh. Other friends have been fab and gentle with my bereavement and I never felt under pressure from them. I realised that we are two very different people: she lives on FB and documents a lot of what she does on it. Im no longer on FB. I’m more Greta Garbo!😂😂. Really value my privacy and space.

Sorry that was a real rant looking back at it but good to get it out! Apols OP and anyone who has read to the end!]

You know that saying about some friends being like radiators

Every so often the build up of hot air gets too much, and you feel a desire to make them bleed?

She’s unhappy with your friendship dynamic - she needs quicker responses from you to be happy.
You are unable to reply quickly to messages due to the shape of your life and responsibilities.

You are a mismatch. Let her go. You’re both making each other unhappy.

You need better friends.
You know that saying about some friends being like radiators, and others being like drains? She's not going to change, as told goes on she's going to be more and more annoyed that you aren't excited and available for the things that are important to her, while ignoring and downplaying the things that are important to you.

People who post passive aggressive stuff about their personal needs on social media are over the top. That's besides her unreasonable expectation that a busy mom answer something on her timeframe, not yours.

Lose the "friend".