Blended families - not all they are made out to be?

That's what the parents always say ...

Not always, no. Me and DW have a child each and one together, but all the children are treated equally.
We're massively lucky that the kids all get along really well.
We ourselves both came from broken families, step parents etc who weren't the best and we didn't have good childhoods, so that honestly helps us to be the best parents we can be to all three of them.

I also know someone who regularly posts "happy blended family" posts every other day but then messages me to complain about her SC and how awful she thinks they are and can't wait for them to go back to their Mum's.

I think I’d have to love someone very very very much to bring them into my DC’s life, and especially to move them in. Most people in blended families don’t seem all that bothered about each other. I reckon some people are just shit at being lonely

She is (or I suppose was, she’s in her 20’s now!) the child in her blended family, she has always acknowledged that it wasn’t always totally smooth and especially initially there were teething problems but they are all happy and wouldn’t have it any other way.

But that’s not always the case. My husband has a friend who was part of a blended family growing up & holds a lot of resentment over that now.

It’s all too subjective to say either way, it depends on the parents, the dynamics and the children involved. Sometimes parents rush because they want their relationship and expect kids to just follow and settle in, that doesn’t really work. Sometimes parents prioritise the kids but kids are human and not EVERY human likes every other human, sometimes you just don’t get along with someone and that’s okay. And sometimes the parents make the effort to prioritise the kids, and the kids happen to really like each other and bond themselves both to each other and to the other parent, and in those instances it is a lovely set up.

There’s far more open hate towards stepmothers.

The irony of this being posted on a social media platform.

Surely raising children in a blended family is nobody’s Plan A in life? But as @AmberDuckIng says, good that people are trying to make the best of it,

I'm currently in a blended family.

Admittedly his son is almost an adult, but my children are all under 14, and it's been fine.

Is your friend a child in her blended family or a parent? I think that some parents can find them satisfying or even wonderful, but the children may be having a different experience.

Agreed. 2 adults want to do what suits them and therefore the kids are forced to go along with it, getting a step parent and new siblings regardless of their feelings.

There's just as much hatred for stepmothers and also an attitude that parents shouldn't remarry at all.

<dons tin hat>

Not only do I agree with you re SC (and I’ve seen my niece be destroyed and grow into a v troubled adult because her mum put her new boyfriend and his baby ahead of her) but I think this can also be the case in the situation of DV. I know it’s hard to women to stay and sadly I’ve witnessed DV first hand, but the children ALWAYS get forgotten about in the conversations, and nobody dares ever criticise a woman for staying in a home where her children hear her get abused.

Someone onhere called them 'Mangled Families' which is probably more accurate.

It can work well sometimes, it depends on the personalities of the children for a lot of it. A very sociable child with a new 'sibling' around of a similar age whom they get along well with, who's always wanted a sibling, and whose parent is in a good relationship and still has a good relationship with the NR parent, is a whole world away from 3 siblings move in with two other siblings with a huge age gap, who miss Daddy and are troubled by arguments and an acrimonious divorce and then new man comes along with these two younger children who are annoying and dislike them for similar reasons...OR an introverted only child who all of a sudden has to share their bed/toys/parent with another child who is far louder than them and demands all the attention...

I have never seen anything about 'blended families' being portrayed a a dream set up.
Quite the opposite.

Everything looks perfect on social media.

I’ve never seen anyone trying to claim blended families are perfect or easy though.

They can be amazing, I have a friend with a blended family and they are incredibly happy, it works well for them, but even they would admit that has not happened without significant time, effort, compromise etc- it’s definitely not easy.

I’ve never been under the impression they were anything but difficult in most cases.

It’s the justification that’s always peddled out that gets me ‘Children are Resilient’, they’ll be fine etc.. Sorry but evidence shows otherwise. I understand people need to tell themselves lies to justify actions. Children’s needs are often at the bottom of the pile.

I grew up in a blended family/families, quite unusual in the 80s/90s where I was and I loved it because I had step siblings who I’m still very close to. What I didn’t love was the on both sides of my blended families I saw the women do the brunt of the work with the DC and DSC, and I noticed early on just how unequal the marriages my parents had were

Not if any of the posts on here are anything to go by…. Certain posters seem to openly hate their stepchildren.

For female children the biggest risk factor to their safety by multiples to anything else in their life, is a non biologically related man living in their house. That doesn't mean all men, we know that, or that some men aren't great, we know that, but as a risk to them it is beyond any other risk they will encounter a female child and young adult.

I was thinking the same, can't recall seeing many, if any, positive posts on social media about blended families! Generally people don't remarry for the sake of the children do they, they do because they want to and the children have to deal with it. It is tricky though because you really do only get one life and don't blame adults for wanting to form new relationships rather than waiting years to do so. Living in an unhappy home with parents who hate eachother is just as toxic if not worse though imo.

I dont use social media its crap

The reality of most things, from holidays to marriage to newborn baby life to blended families, differs from the highly curated and edited stuff people post online. I tend to assume a lot of these people fall under “they protest too much” - the happiest people i know aren’t gushing about it on instagram.

I don’t think it’s unique to blended families though - there’s happy ones and totally disastrous ones and everything in between, like most things in life.

It just completely depends.

i would also add that plenty of families, blended or not, have their problems.

I’ve never heard anyone say they were, quite the opposite. Why wouldn’t they be difficult just as being in a regular family can be?

Happy pictures don’t automatically mean happy family, especially on social
media.