DH best friend offended me on holiday

Maybe because she does do stuff so to hear that someone has passed comment on, what does she do for you, was upsetting/frustrating/anger inducing

It’s ok to disagree - I respect your perspective!

Sounds like your husband has a great relationship with your children and is very involved with them. I think this is what the friend sees and either doesn't understand or has been made to feel that he should be more involved with his own children.

Friend doesn't sound very likeable but I wouldn't say anything because this is about his own feelings of inadequacy and his own relationship with his children (or lack of).

Just keep doing what you are doing.

🙄🙄. It's not secrecy, it's choosing whether to pass on some stupid thing, someone else said that is only going to hurt your partner.

You're a doctor in psychology?! no comment.

That’s not being honest?

From my understanding he told her the truth. I’m a doctor in psychology and do have strong opinions on honesty in relationships. That said, it’s my personal preference/view on how modern relationships will need to be in order to thrive and grow together when surrounded by so many options now. That said, if a couple (BOTH people) prefer a level of secrecy in their relationship- that is of course what makes them happy!

That would be the end of the friendship then wouldn't it

Don't react just don't go away again
Why do people always want the last word verbally.

That’s a nice fantasy you’ve woven 🤪

She probably agreed to come on holiday with his Dad and family as long as she got an actual break. She’s on holiday with the judgey stepmum who can’t stop for a moment to consider that maybe they’ve role swapped for the “holiday”. Bet she was on her phone venting to MN

That's not being honest, there was absolutely no need for him to tell her that.

Just read all the threads and the dickhead sounds like he is projecting, as he steps up with cleaning (neat freak) but not with his own childcare duties. Their division of labour maybe different to yours, and he's a prick by the sounds of it.
We went away with friends, who have different parenting styles, but stayed in separate cabins on either side of a camp (centre parcs) and met up every other day. It was great, as we weren't tripping over each other and we got to spend time together and enjoy it.
In a seperate event, my husband one time had a comment from a shirking dad of 'you always seem to have your son' and he snapped back, "we didn't have a child, just for someone else to look after him" 😀 I honestly beamed 😀

FWIW, last year had long weekend hol in a lodge with stepson DIL and 2 kids. Omg I hadn’t realised how bloody lazy she was! Stepson was up each morning, seeing to the kids, getting breakfast, helping with meals, tidying. She did absolutely nothing and was constantly on her phone. I would love to have said to stepson “My god I didn’t realise X was so lazy!” I wouldn’t dare of course.
OPs mate has got some bottle coming out with that.
None of this means DHs mate isn’t talking crap of course. Take a step back from this friendship,OP.

This is more about your friend than you. He’s projecting onto your husband. He wants your husband to do less parenting like him, so as he doesn’t feel so bad.

I agree, why did your dh tell you what he'd said instead of defend you? Unless he agreed with him.

Are you sure he said it and it wasn’t just your husband saying it so he’d get to do less work? I can’t imagine any of my friend’s husbands saying anything like that, at least not to mine or my partner’s faces. It’s a really inappropriate and shit stirry thing to say.

Oooooft! Camping holidays are too much like hard work to begin with .Nightmare with a 1year old and a 3 year old. Maybe do something less stressful next year and just to be on the 'safe side' do it without freinds and neighbours. You and your DH seem to have a fair division of labour. I would ignore the neighbours unasked for input, but , tell DH you are willing to listen to any suggestions on how to rejig duties around children,cleaning,cooking,shopping etc. If he thinks their is a better way.

Ask your friend about her dickhead husband. Does she know he talks like this?

just to add - be careful of falling into the same trap by starting to criticise his wife. We only get a peek into people’s relationships and she may spend her life “finishing” his jobs and is setting a boundary that she will not any more. You just don’t know.

Tackle this head on OP. Otherwise resentment will build, you’ll resent his friendship with DH and always wonder what he’s been saying. This is the kind of thing that festers over time.

just send him a text saying “we really enjoyed the holiday and hope you and DW did too. DH mentioned your comment about what I do for him. We are happy with the division of labour and are supportive team mates, should this become an issue we will address it together. Please refrain from trying to insert yourself into our marriage, as we refrain from commenting on yours. Many thanks”

You will feel so much better after this, trust me. It’ll pay off in the long run.

It was unhelpful for your dh to tell you, is he trying to make a point ? Clearly the ‘mate’ is a let the women do the hard work kind of guy - leave him to it, he’s his wife’s problem. But no I wouldn’t be keen on going away again with someone who likes to poke at my marriage. I wonder if this is his first comment?

He was embarrassed. I bet the high chair comment to him from his wife, said in front of you, made him smart with humiliation.
Being in such close quarters meant his marriage was under scrutiny as was yours of course but yours was running smoothly, whereas he felt he was falling short in terms of happy team work with his wife. He probably wanted to get that comment in, to mitigate any comment your DH might have made to make him feel even worse.
All a bit sad really. But a camping holiday really does throw the spotlight on how happily (or otherwise) a family manage the work load between them all.

Be happy and confident OP, that you two at least, can communicate and have things worked out very well between you.

Have you been on holiday with them before? Did he expect your DH to be going out drinking with him, but knew it he asked outright your DH would say no, so he thought he would wind him up and get him to go , thinking he "deserved" some man time. I wouldn't let it bother me but I also wouldn't rush to go away with them again.

I wouldn’t take this personally, he’s really making a statement about his own wife, not you.

Oh do get a grip! Your husband must have had a reason for telling you what he said....ot perhaps he's just thoughtless. Forget it, have a good holiday.

Ok, it’s nothing to do with you and everything to do with his own wife’s behaviour. Ignore and move on.

Oops wrong thread 😂 some driver ran over a kids foot