To ask if I might be autistic?

This is me down to a T.

I don’t think a late diagnosis would help me either.

Peri-menopause has heightened a lot of my traits too. I prefer wfh and can’t stand office chitchat.

As a previous poster has said, autism can run in the family and have a genetic component. When our son was diagnosed the psychologists said that there was a 20% chance that further children would have the condition. (His cousin is non-verbal autistic and three nephews have now been diagnosed).

It’s possible to have autism AND ADHD (and to be frank lots of other neurodiversities such as dyslexia/dyspraxia/ OCD which overlap at the same time. Do you have other possible indicators such as sensory differences/responses to particular foods, textures, noises/do you find that you copy or learn what others do in order to ‘fit in,’ or mask, inadvertently say things which might cause offence/find small talk tricky.

That’s really interesting. I guess one of the benefits of having a ND diagnosis is that you have a bit more insight into your behaviours and why. But regardless of whether you are ND or NT you already have a lot. That’s what we all need, NT or ND.

Your description sounds like me, but I always put it down to introversion. As I'm getting older, I'm wondering more if I could be. Close colleagues have always really liked me, and many of my friends are former colleagues. But it can take me a while to be comfortable enough to be myself around people, and people can find it hard to get to know me if I don't immediately click with them. I suffer really badly with overthinking, and worry if I'm saying or doing something stupid. I've always felt like a bit of a square peg. My dd is autistic.

Tbh I'm of the age now where it makes very little difference. I know enough about neurodivergence (from my dc) that regardless of whether or not I am autistic, I'm now really open and honest with colleagues about the areas in which I might come across a bit quirky. Only yesterday I was explaining to someone that my verbal processing speed is quite slow, so I often need to write notes and read them back for information to sink in properly and understand something. I'm terrible if someone fires a quick question at me - like a rabbit in the headlights. I'm much better at asking people to give me a little more time to reflect before responding. Generally, I'm more accepting of these things in myself now, and much better at pushing myself out of my comfort zone, trying new experiences etc.

How are you when plans change last minute?

I wouldn’t describe myself as shy either. I do have a high awareness of what others may be thinking of me though which leads to the thoughts and experiences described.

Also me…. And a friend who is diagnosed mentioned she thinks I am. Am pushing 50 and not sure a diagnosis would help at this stage. It’s who I am.

I don’t cope well with change - maybe I just need better coping strategies. I work better wfh, so when I’m in the office I tend to out my headphones in. I do got to business development events but am definitely masking a lot ‘fake it til you make it’ - and I get quite stressed beforehand, prepping conversations in my head about small talk to appear ‘normal’ when really I wish the ground would swallow me up.

I'm autistic and have ADHD. I identify with what you have said. If you have a child and a parent who is autistic it is highly likely you are also autistic, as it is genetic. There are other traits you would need for diagnosis though as well as social and communication difficulties, such as restricted, repetitive behaviour, special interests, rigidity in thinking styles, sensory issues. Feeling like you don't fit in is very common in high masking late diagnosed females who apparently have it all 'together' (friendships, successful at work etc)

You sound socially awkward.

nobody on the internet can say yes or no, we don’t know you, you can say you do this & that but in reality you might be completely different.

Yeah I'm finding it hard to unpick what could be ADHD vs autistic things. I've been going round in circles about it for years, since DS got diagnosed. In the end I spoke to the GP, who was happy to refer me for both assessments.

I thought they would say no to the autism referral actually, but apparently turning up with a completed and annotated AQ10 form and full logical explanation of why it is impossible for me to answer any of the questions was not a typical approach. (E.g. yes I think I can 'read between the lines' but I also experience frequent awkwardness and disconnect in conversations... so how do I know what someone else actually thinks unless you're going to put me in a conversation with them then survey me and them afterwards about what we both said/meant and what we thought the other one said/meant?)

You sound exactly like me and I’ve been questioning whether I am autistic too.

I hate group activities, team buildings, work conferences etc, but love one on one interactions.

I have other traits too and get particularly worked up if things don’t run to plan, people are late for me or change plans late in the day. I can’t cope very well.

It certainly runs in my family

I'm autistic and those "awkward moments" you describe are daily life for me - not something that happens a few times in a couple of decades. They happen multiple times a day, everyday.

Is there anything else that makes you think you might be autistic?

To qualify for a diagnosis, you need to have persistent issues with social interaction, as well as multiple other struggles. A bit of social awkwardness will not get you a diagnosis.

I identify with what you say. I don’t believe I am autistic. There’s more to being autistic than occasionally feeling uncomfortable in social situations.

I agree with this.

I've recently been diagnosed as an older adult.

Initially I was relieved because it explained to me my behaviours and how they had affected my life so negatively. It took away a lot of self blame.

But the negative side is that whereas I have always striven to try to change my behaviours I now feel change is outwith my control and I have to come to terms with being the way I am the rest of my life.

It's a checklist specifically for girls rather than boys. It made sense when I read this instead of the usual boys' screening tests

Hey, you sound fairly similar to me. I also have ND kids and am almost definitely ADHD. Over the years I've been told by multiple autistic people that they wouldn't be surprised if I was autistic too.

It's not just social awkwardness for me though, there are a bunch of other things - including sensory, executive function, monotropic thinking...

I'm waiting for ADHD and autism assessments.

Do you have any other autistic traits? I can relate to what you have described and I do have an autism diagnoses (and ADHD), but that is only a small part of my autistic traits and things I have struggled with in life, I very much doubt I’d have got the diagnosis if that was the only trait I had as you have to meet all the criteria. Traits also have to have been present in childhood.

I found this helpful for female diagnosis:
https://acrobat.adobe.com/id/urn:aaid:sc:EU:ca1f67c5-aae8-4245-8b25-90956d8b50aa

It sounds like you could be. I'm not sure whether having a diagnosis at this age would help though.