Date last night - he’s only just left!!

‘Bit of a shagger’ now there’s a phase I’ve not heard for long time 😁

This is clearly very personal for you, but other women’s experiences are just as valid as yours and it isn’t irresponsible to discuss risk in a proportionate manner.

I go running. I regularly do that alone after dark, and in quiet locations. Some women won’t do that - and on Mumsnet have got genuinely angry with me because I do. However, I intend to keep doing it because while there is a small risk, I am ultimately still highly unlikely to be attacked. People can certainly point out times when women have been attacked, but that doesn’t mean people can’t also point out these incidents are extremely few and far between and that most violence and sexual assault against women takes place in very different circumstances (in my case, violence from a long term partner and sexual assault in broad daylight at a busy railway station).

I do not care if some women refuse to run alone or after dark. That is their choice. But I do care if they lecture me about it citing vastly inflated risks. I have made an informed choice based on the level of risk that I am prepared to take, because I am an adult woman capable of making the decisions that are right for me.

Exactly the same applies to the OP’s (or anyone else’s) decision to invite her date to stay over. You might not want to do that, and that is fine. Nobody is trying to encourage you, or anyone else, to do it. They are simply pointing out that women are capable of making equally valid choices, and that judging them for it and implying negative things about their character and parental skills is unfair.

In any case, your concerns aren’t just about safety. You also felt the need to point out that this could be ‘just sex’, as if that couldn’t be acceptable. Again, projection. If ‘just sex’ isn’t for you, fine! Nobody’s judging you for that. But it’s odd to assume that it isn’t something others could ever be happy with.

Lucky you OP, I used to absolutely love casual sex, the wilder the better. It's exactly how things went with DH too - first real date night.

The nicest thing about your posts, OP, other than the nice sense of being a bit shagged out, is how utterly sane and together you sound.

“Sounds like just sex”… sounds pretty perfect to me. We can shag just for sex & our own amusement 😀

Huh? What? OP is not accountable to you or your approval, right?
Women can have sex for fun, for pleasure, and with anyone they want, in their own homes, on their own terms.
”not anything to be proud of” is a strange comment. Is she also “a fallen woman” now?

Honestly loved reading OP’s strong, self assured and happy posts about a great experience had and a fun night on her terms. Shaming grown ass women for making choices & having sex is … odd?

Nope. That old excuse needs to stop. TBH if I ruled MN I would get rid of AIBU because AIBU is largely responsible for the way MN is now, a place where people actively come to disagree and put down other people, and the justification is always that “this is AIBU. People should be aware they will be disagreed with.”

That’s just not good enough. MN should be better than having what is effectively a fight topic where any opinion goes regardless of who it puts down.

Most assaults on women are carried out by people who are known, not strangers.

Having sex with consent is nothing to be ashamed of.

OP, you’re bloody marvellous & a shining example of empowerment to women everywhere. Excellent that you had a fun night without going full Jane Austen about it. No guilt, no shame (and rightly so).
Yay!

The children were not there.
Its op’s home too.
If she’d gone to a hotel you’d still be slagging her off saying it’s seedy. If she’d gone to his you’d be saying she was stupid and it’s dangerous. Just be frank - you disapprove of sex on a first date which is absolutely your right. But i don’t understand why you’d persist on posting on a thread where your primary aim is to make someone feel bad because their behaviour doesn’t align with what you believe to be proper and decent? Says a lot about your character - clearly not as pure as you’d like to think.

The children weren't there, presumably she hasn't cut him a key and there's nothing to suggest he's more likely to force entry into her home than someone random (I'd guess less chance really). This place is miserable AF.

No they’re using it to encourage women to bring strangers into their homes where their kids live and have sex with them. How admirable.

Loads of people click on trending threads and answer them without even noticing which topic they’ve been posted in, and people are just as judgemental and miserable in Relationships and Chat so it makes very little difference.

what a wonderful post 😁 Good for you finding for finding a fabulous night of lust 😁
I wonder how many nay-sayers are a little jealous? (tbh I’m a bit envious 😉)

If you’re still sore @Tiredsaturday could all the activity have prompted the beginnings of a UTI? If there’s any chance it might be worth getting some ‘cystitis’ sachets to head it off before it gets bad. No harm taking them as a preventative.

I think because this is AIBU?

The difference is that nobody who shagged their husband on the first date is using that experience to berate and shame women who didn’t.

Agree @Pyjamatimenow
For a million reasons I’d rather forget.
I had a night like this over 30 years ago- just talking - nothing physical -
we’re still together- I’m glad we waited.
(And physically he’s the best )

Don’t do it, then.

Sounds like a fab night and you have the right attitude 🙌

My husband and I had exactly the same ‘first date’ and we’ve been together for 12 years and still fancy the pants off each other.

Life is for living, and you’re doing exactly that!

Why is it that is never possible to have a thread on MN without people coming on to criticise/project their own experiences/put a downer on everything?

I swear to god if I posted that I’d won the lottery and given everything to charity people would come on to criticise that I’d left out x or y charity and won’t someone think about my children.

I mean I wouldn’t personally have sex on a second date but to each their own.

Because you’re not taking her comments on face value. You’re reading into them and allowing your own experience to somehow cloud your view. But what’s really arrogant is that you seem to think you know and understand the OPs feelings and motives better than she does. It’s very weird.

@ItGhoul but it’s fine for other people to post their experiences that they shagged their husbands on the first date and now they’re living in bliss? It’s a discussion forum, it’s perfectly reasonable to offer alternative experiences. Negative experiences of meeting men on OLD are pretty common.

Why? it was primarily her decision not his, she manufactured it by ‘dropping by the house’

@sissygirl23 @SuperTrooper14 she’s posted it in AIBU hence why she’s getting various opinions. I’m entitled to give mine even if you disagree with it. To me she sounds anything but ‘level headed’ on this.