Another bedroom one. Disagree with DH, AIBU?

It’s 3 days a week not every other weekend.

I think YABU. Your DH has offered several options and you are rejecting all of them. It is likely to impact how keen they are to stay.

I personally would look at what you can do with the lounge to make it a multi-purpose space that the eldest DSC can use when they stay.

I would look at ways to do the loft conversion more cheaply if I could. Like decorate it myself as it would save a bit or not use as expensive fittings etc. as it would add value to the house. I’d get more quotes.

Could you split any of the rooms by dividing them?

Could give the step children the master in the meantime and you move into theirs? I know they’d still be sharing but if dh wants them to have an incentive to stay…? He’s trying to see it from their point of view. Sharing at that age sucks.

Is there a dining room that’s barely used that could be converted?

Could you get a garden room that could be used as a teen space/ bedroom etc (if it’s a safe area where you are).

I wouldn’t spend money on landscaping. An extra room would add more value. And if you might downsize once all the kids fly the nest that extra value would come in handy.

I think you’ve missed the boat really as the oldest is already 15, by the time the work is done they will be at parties and having a life. I assume they have thier own rooms at their mums house?

I feel like he just thinks this house is his to change about however best suits his kids and I'm expected to pay for the privilege too.

You sound like you think the house is yours to have how you want and the three other peoples needs are irrelevant to you.

If you’re splitting costs equally, he is currently subsidising your children having their own room at the expense of his children.

Why should he pay for your children to have their own rooms when you can’t see that his children deserve the same?

He’s rightly scared that if he can’t provide a space for his children that they want to be in, then they won’t want to spend time with him anymore. You should be doing everything you can to support his relationship with his children seeing as he has agreed to live with yours.

You could spend far less than a loft conversion on some really nice sliding/partition doors for the playroom, invest in a decent sofa bed and some storage for clothes that is useful for a playroom and give this room up to eldest DSC when they come to stay. At 15/16 it won’t be long before they are more independent and wont always come as a pair so each could then use the 4th bedroom if they aren’t both staying. if there isn’t private space, your DH is right, they may well stop coming and for that reason I think you need to come up with some sort of compromise.

other option which will be fine for a few years whilst your dc are still young (& what we do when we have guests) is add a bunk bed to one of your dc rooms and they share when dsc come to stay and one gives up their room for one of the dsc.

Converting the lift is not throwing money away, it’s investing in your property and increasing its value. So you and your step children, your DH’s children, will benefit. Having your own space for studying if at all possible is really important as kids hit the exam years.

I would discuss with an estate agent how much the change will increase the value of the house. If it is more than the cost then I would go ahead. However, these days loft conversions often aren’t. In that case I would only be willing to pay half the increase, not half the cost. I would also be very clear with Dh that any additional costs would not be mine.

Basically I would be happy to exchange my savings for extra equity in the house. I would not be happy to just hand over my savings. This is the thing about separate finances - if people insist on them then they can’t complain about how you choose to spend them. (Or choose not to spend them.)

DH doesn't get any say on what you spend your savings on, that's the beauty of having separate finances.

I'd see if you can find a way of them having more privacy in the current room they are in such as room dividers but there's no way I'd be draining my savings for a loft conversation when it's possible they will still hardly use it.

His elder children have parents who live in different houses. His younger children don't.

It's not possible for these children to be treated 'equally'. To think they can be is naiive because their situations are not the same.

It’s chicken and egg too though, they choose to spend less time at their dad’s house because they are put as less important than the dads newer children and their experience there isn’t great due to that.

I am not sure why there is an obsession about same sex DC having their own rooms these days ? It sounds like the house is big enough for someone to find a space to quietly read or whatever if they need to be on their own for a while.,
I cannot see the point in spending all the savings on a room that is barely used .

It seems this isn’t their home- it’s your home and they are visiting. I would hate this because you could do something about it but have chosen not to.

I can see this from both perspectives. You’d be spending your money on the house in a way that benefits someone else’s children.

Could a compromise be that the loft is done but all rooms are reconfigured. The two children who live there full time and have more toys get the two bigger rooms and the the two SC have the smaller rooms because they don’t need as much space for stuff? As long as their rooms are well-furnished and decorated, that doesn’t feel unfair to me considering they aren’t there as much.

Couldn't the younger ones share the double?

You say your SC stay 3 nights a week, that's a LOT!
Can I ask why you are bothering to post if you are disagreeing with suggestions.
If you have the play room/area downstairs why not make that into a bedroom? Let your kids play in their bedrooms
Kids don't need playrooms

I feel like he just thinks this house is his to change about however best suits his kids and I'm expected to pay for the privilege too.
OP
Yeah, that's how marriage works. You create a home for your children!

Given the DSC are same sex, YANBU.

They are most likely going to stay over less often. Just say you aren’t prepared to use your savings for this.

Obviously if DSC were to move in full time, you might have to rethink it.

I think you are being unfair. 3 nights a week is considerable time at your house. It’s their home too

You don't mention the DSC sex. If they are different sexes I think they should have had their own rooms for years already.
How about do the loft now, splitting it 75/25, he gets a loan if he needs to. Then down the line do the kitchen with you putting up the bulk of the money?
It keeps you away from having to cut your cloth to suit the DSC and allows him to do what he needs to for his kids.

You can’t insist that your children have a room each and then put a block on that happening for his children.

Could you put the dsc in the master bedroom and partition it so they each get their own space, and you have the room they’re currently in?

If something is important for your children, it is equally important for his.

i think as they are the same sex and there is less chance they will spend more time at their age with you,
surely they arent going to suddenly going to want to move in permanently?