Another bedroom one. Disagree with DH, AIBU?

We did the opposite and put the three little ones into a shared room until they were about 10 and this meant DSS had his own room, which he barely ever used as a teenager. But we always wanted to make him feel like this was his home.

The younger 3 loved sharing a room, some of my favourite memories are listening to them chatter in bed when they were meant to be asleep. They are all incredibly close now and I do think sharing helped this.

Could you convert one of your downstream reception rooms into more of a flexible space by adding a sofa bed? That way you can convert the room back for the days it’s not being used?

I would also be very reluctant to spend all my savings on a loft conversion. Yes the house is worth more, but you only get the money if you sell. Then what happens if you need savings for something else important, like someine gets ill, or helping with uni for one or two of the 4.

The nearly 16 year old, could be heading off to live independently in just 3 or 4 years.

But I would be much more open to using the separated off lounge as a bedroom.

These older teen years are actually hugely important to making a child feel secure and loved and able to launch and set the tone of your adult relationship so much more than the younger years.

I was also going to suggest some kind of summer house affair
They can be as expensive as you like, insulated slept in, and considerably cheaper than a loft conversion
.in the land MN,all children have to have their own bedrooms, they need to be big and kids need a double bed! The sc come as guests, they don't live with their dad.. in my case it's the dgks, I decorated the room at one point, bought new bedding to reflect their interests. 6 months later, they had gone off these things. They are the same age as your DHs, sometimes they want to be taken somewhere to meet up with friends, and have friends here
We do have a nice summerhouse
It was basic,DH has insulated it.
.

It’s not like they’re at the dads a handful of days a month, it’s very close to 50/50. “Resident home” doesn’t really apply.

Would you feel differently about the alterations if it were your DC who were sharing? If it doesn't matter so much why not get your DC to share when the DSC come over so they can have their own rooms. I think what you're proposing isn't unreasonable and you don't have to do home improvements as people sometimes have to make do but most people are biased towards their own children and I think you're potentially doing this.

Nailed!

Actually my friend has just done exactly this. She has a young family ( 2x DDs) with her husband and an older DD from a previous relationship. They bought a three bedroom house to get back on the property ladder and then swiftly installed a cabin outside which is half office and half bedroom for her older daughter. Older DD is 19yrs anyway, its given her freedom and her own space away from the main house but she is still technically living at home. This works so well for them.

As DSC are teens, the amount of time they spend with you will probably reduce once they E.g. go away to university, so spending on an expensive conversion seems short-sighted.
There are other options, though.

1. Section the second bedroom into two, using a bunk bed room divider to provide two new bedrooms for the little ones (they have a playroom)
2. As above, but put the DSC into it, if large enough
3. Redesign the lounge by adding a Murphy bed that can be easily shut away when DSC are not staying (or even a sofa bed)
4. Put up a log cabin in the garden for use as a bedroom when DSC stay, and a summerhouse when they don’t - this option is definitely worth considering as a garden room can also increase the value of a property as long as it is well-maintained, and the beauty of them is that you can do the main build yourselves: look online at companies like Dunster House and Tuin…

The playroom was clearly stated as being open plan into the kitchen. The only room downstairs is the sitting room, which is used (according to the OP) as a sitting room. Why can't the family have a room that is not in the kitchen to use as a family?

Exactly this

they get their own life with friendships near their resident home

Of course she can. If the DSC are only coming a few days a week, and at the age they are, likely to be less than this very soon, then why should she put all her savings into something that is not going to be worth doing?

There’s a TV programme that resolved a similar issue for considerably less cost than a loft conversion.

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001nqzk/your-home-made-perfect-series-4-4-irene-and-richard

I think YABU.

You will absolutely not consider your younger kids sharing a room and this this is OK. Non- negotiable. And you get to decide that.

He doesn’t want any of his kids sharing a room. Why do your wishes trump his?

What strikes me is that your kids also have a play room downstairs which you won’t give up either, even though both your kids have their own rooms.

The loft conversion seems like a good investment to be honest.

You seem pretty difficult.

Partition the room in the middle of the window. Yes there will be a small gap but much easier than doing a whole loft if their room is big enough.

We have just done this for our girls room using their bunks as the wall so to speak and curtain on risk as the door so the other doesn’t walk though or see her space when entering the room as a whole.

Why would staying with your dad “die off” when you hit 13 or 15?
Does staying with their mum die off?

Have you considered a garden room - it could be an asset and add a flexible space to your home you can use for other things in the future - home office, gym, etc. Attic conversions are costly and without really good insulation they can be unbearably hot in the summer and freezing in the winter.

You could add/ change the windows and partition their current room for less than a loft conversion.

You are also coming at this all wrong, this cost isn’t due to your step children is due to you and your DH choosing for him to father a fourth child. The older children already existed, the extra space needed was caused by the new child.

I think YABU (and I’m a step parent). You’re so opposed to converting either of the potential spaces for children who spend half of their lives at your house. I’m not sure what your point of posting was? But you couldn’t give your SC a clearer indication you see them as second class citizens and as step parents we should do everything we can to avoid that.

i doubt it,
surely staying at dad's naturally dies off at this age

Another happy blended family

Agreed, it's not equal and may contribute to why they don't stay over so much. They are his actual children and he wants the best for them as you want the best for yours. Could your children share for a few years?
Can you swap rooms with the DSC and if they had your bedroom, could it be split? Could theirs be split?

I don't really get the married but separate money thing. Do you have no joint savings?
Try changing the sitting room into a bedroom for 6 months? See what happens and re-evaluate the finance for the loft? (I'd go with the loft).

I’ve been a stepchild, I know what it’s like to not feel like your dads home is your home too.

i agree with PP, if the loft conversion adds to your property value honestly why wouldn’t you?!