Another bedroom one. Disagree with DH, AIBU?

I would split the room they already have could you add a window? At their ages they may stay less as they get older. Or I would use the downstairs room. But I understand that with younger children a play room area is nice but not essential.

In that case move the little ones in together.
There’s no harm in that.

If it’s so certain it will be a short time only, then that solves it. Op’s Dc won’t grow up much in that time. It’s fine for little ones to share - especially for such a very minimal time as you predict.

How many living rooms do you have?

We recently converted our living room into our master bedroom, to allow DC18 his own room (our master bedroom previously) and DC14 his own room. DC 9 & 7 share. 4th bedroom has always been used as an office.

We are having a downstairs shower room installed soon as we like our new arrangement.

Can you do something like this?

We have lost a communal room (dining room had to be our new living room) but it works for us.

what about your bedroom OP?

I know on MN, posters need the bigger bedroom to show their authority at home but in real life, many people go for the more practical option.

How often do YOU spend time in your own bedroom? If it's also a study, you will spend loads. If you only go to sleep, the bigger one might not be practical.

Could your bedroom be split in 2? And you move to a smaller one.

I’ve not read the whole thread but bear with me.

I presume your DSC are girls or you could bribe boys with two nice TVs and play stations for their troubles in their joint room.

Your kids have a playroom so really most of their toys should be down stairs. Why doesn’t your youngest step daughter share with your daughter. They’d have to get the biggest room after your room.

That way your eldest DSC gets a room (with a desk to study), your son has his own room and then the girls have a nice new room which means your daughter gets the best of both worlds, her own room half the time and then gets to share with her older sister. I’d probably sit all the girls down and say ‘we were looking at building another room but it would take months to finish and it would mean having to spend all of our savings on it… as a compromise DSC gets an even bigger birthday party this year and the whole family goes to Disney..’

My family were a blended family. My half siblings are my ride or die. Presuming your DH are the father to your children? If so, a 13 & 7 year old should be able to share.

Another example of compromises that will be asked, when you marry a man that already has kids. Unfortunately you are going to have to suck this up in some way, as DH wants all his kids to be equal in his home, and I can why 2 teens don’t want to share. Just think the eldest is 15, how many more years is he/she going to be wanting to stay over anyway. So I would press DH to separate one of the large existing bedrooms, or sacrifice a downstairs room for a few years. Then you have your savings to do up the kitchen etc.

Put an additional window into their existing bedroom and then divide it - cheaper than a loft conversion and gives equality for the children. Not having your own space is why contact ends up dwindling in the teenage years, they need their own space and you are being unfair.

This is surely the answer. Moving a window and making two smaller rooms with a window each would be cheap

I can't believe a new kitchen and landscaping are being considered as alternative spends, over getting two kids their own rooms. Of course they need their own (double) rooms if possible. As pp said, how did youngest child ever get their own room rather than moving in with DC3?

Where do their friends hang out when they come over or when they have parties?

It's not just for their needs now. When they come back from uni for holidays, if they want to bring mates with them to stay, when they have a partner to stay, if they need to live with you for a while possibly with a plus 1.
I can completely understand your husband's argument and if that were my kids I'd be saying exactly the same. Well no, they would already have own rooms and the two younger DC would be sharing!

Talk to the step children about it. You have many options, but it would be good to understand their preferences, and to bear in mind that building works will take 6 months so this is taking into account uni and beyond. Personally I'd do the kitchen or loft, but that's because you don't lose money nor space that way.

1. Extend the kitchen, adding a play area. Playroom or living room becomes bedroom.
2. Murphy bed in the living room, plus locked cupboards used by that child only. Family use as TV room when the child is not there.
3. Summer house, insulated and heated. Used by eldest child only.
4. Divide a room; probably the master if that is largest. Use some frosted glass bricks or window to bring in the light.
5. Do the loft conversion, see how to make it a bit cheaper.
6. Step children to usually come on different days than each other; a relative had this for a bit as the siblings weren't getting along.

2-3 years is a long time, with teens who need to study etc.

So turn that into a reception room, and use one if the other reception rooms for a bedroom. Its not the kids fault their dad's marriage didn't last

If elder DSC is nearly 16 then it is possible that they will head off to Uni in just over two years. Bear in mind any loft conversion will take a minimum of six months from when you decide to go ahead, they will get less than two years benefit before they won’t be around more than half the year. And as you say, they are already voting with their feet as to where they stay (though presumably part of this is due to not having a separate bedroom at yours), and that will only increase.

So it would be an awful lot of expense for a relatively short time period if you expect them to go to uni. I wouldn’t do it.

“I’m not against them having their own room, but I’m against every possible option to deliver it!” YABU.

You can’t - with good conscience - say it’s not ok for your own children to share but it is for his.

Earlier poster nailed it when they pointed out that the issue is you decided to have child number four without enough bedrooms for them to have one each. The usual position when that happens is that the youngest share until the oldest move out.

Of course you should go ahead with the work. You would if it prevented your own children from sharing. Your step children deserve their own room just as much as your own children. It will also add value to your home, probably more value than the cost of the work.

I think you're being short sighted, they're getting to the age where they might have girlfriends and boyfriends and want some more privacy and they'll just never come over if they can't get it. I can see why your DH. Lots of children live at home well into their 20s so it could easily be another 10 years. You're adamant your DC won't share so why is it ok for DSC to?

Also you don't mention how far you live away from their other house but where would they come to stay at Christmas as adults etc?

Actually it will help your children. I think talk to him about a whole move around with rooms so that your two get the two bigger doubles, you get the loft and then the SC get a smaller room each.

We have 2 children and debated where to go with extending and the loft was by far the best option, I have a bigger room with a really nice en-suite and the resale value is big.
we borrowed more on the mortgage

because this will mean they don’t come and stay often and he will lose out and so will your children with their siblings

If you have room for a garden room , that’d be an option worth considering, and definitely cheaper than a loft conversion. Even a top quality one with proper insulation, heating and a/c . It’d be the more popular with the DSC I’d bet.

As well as fed up of not just living in one house.

generally depends which house is most convenient to see friends, mostly that Mum's.

There's a family/playroom room that leads directly onto the kitchen you mean?

My eldest two had their own rooms at their Dads. He then had two more children and he took my Daughters room away from her and moved my Son into her room. She turned up one day to a sofa bed in the Playroom and my Son to having her small room to make way for the new siblings. They no longer visit him. They like having their own space when they were with him. They felt replaced by the new younger siblings. Maybe that is how you Step Children feel coming to your house and that is another reason why they don't stay as often as they once did they feel like they are not as important as the younger ones. As they get older they have no space at your house which is their own so they are choosing to stay more with mum and friends as they don't feel as welcome.

I’d talk to the DSC and get to the bottom of why they want separate rooms. Do they just want privacy, or do they want more entertaining space, or are things feeling uneven with the other children and they don’t know how to express that? There’s no point spending all your savings if an extra entertaining pod in the garden or spending more one-on-one time with their dad would solve their problems.

It's really pointless to do this for kids who will spend less and less time at home and may live independently in 3 years or so. Can you add a new window to the big bedroom? The obvious solution is to divide the big bedroom. It doesn't really matter if one of them doesn't have a window.

So your children currently have 3 rooms (bedroom each plus a playroom) and his are expected to share? That sounds quite unfair.

I would convert the sitting room to a teen bedroom, preferably for the one you expect to fly the nest the soonest.

I had a similar set up at that age and definitely used not having my own room as an excuse not to stay as often. It was a pain having to take things between each house and at 15 I wanted to be near my friends (not sure how close you live to their mum).

Splitting the rooms is definitely a better idea. I’m sure one of them would be happy to have no window if it means having their own room.