Another bedroom one. Disagree with DH, AIBU?

So you don’t want your kids to share a room, you don’t want to convert the loft and you don’t want to use the spare reception. So you aren’t willing to compromise at all, you think your step kids should just suck it up?

Your SC should continue to share. It's not their primary home. There's no problem sharing. Your DC should get a room each.

Keep in mind that an advantage of treating them with more consideration and equality now is that they may have more of chance to grow into adults without too much emotional damage from their disrupted childhood and position as second class occupants in their Dad's home. If it is hard for you to focus on their happiness, then keep in mind that in the long run your life will be easier if their Dad and they are as happy and well adjusted as is possible after such a disrupted childhood.

If you worry about your own financial protection then that is a separate conversation to have with DH, but it is rare for a loft conversion not to add value to a house so you shouldn't be losing out in the long run but what you need as a financial cushion in the shorter term needs to be discussed. Also, get more quotes on the conversion. Costs can change a lot between a basic velux conversion and a big dormer conversion with en-suite.

Does the issue go away at that point though? University age kids have long holidays and by that point are likely to be even less happy about sharing.

Obviously the OP might not mind if they stay at their mum's all the time but her DH might well want them to visit..

@Flowerpower456 the OP also stated her kids have a playroom! My kids never had a playroom! But I don’t see you having a go at her about that. How is a playroom OK and a spare room not ok?

yeah, you could spend, what, ten grand or more and then they wouldn't even want to stay often anyway.

However I do think you are being unreasonable to not let them have one of the lounges as a bedroom, which wouldn't cost you anything, when your dc have rooms of their own to play and another lounge.Put a sofa bed in there and some sort of storage that means their stuff is out of view and you can still use it the way you want for 4 days a week.

Either that or split the room they are in now in half, but it is a bit harsh to have one in essentially a cave! Perhaps split the room, turn downstairs lounge into another bedroom and your kids can have the dark half as their playroom if it isn't important for children to have natural light!

The extra bedroom will presumably add value to your property. Also, is this something you could part fund with a larger mortgage?

If not, there’s so many innovative ways to split bedrooms into 2. It might create quite a cool den style space.

If you do the loft conversion, I’d consider making it a suite, with en-suite & walk in wardrobe and moving yourself up there so you benefit from the work.

I agree OP. It's all very well PP's saying that your (mixed sex) DC should share but for how long? Will your DD be expected to still share with her brother when she gets to secondary school in a few short years, whilst her older Ssiblings still have a room each on the (by then ,possibly), few occasions that they stay?

Yes that last sentence is well put.

Not only that, I BET if THEY had ANOTHER child and he suggested building an extra room to accommodate THEIR now 3 children, guaranteed she wouldn't hesitate to be in agreement! This is about her resentment towards that other woman's kids and nothing at all to do with building extra space. Just my opinion.🙂

I didn’t say they had to have one, or that everyone should have one. But from reading the OPs posts it seems they live in a larger than average house and have funds available to make alterations if needed. Creating a spare room for the future while meeting the needs of the older children could be another advantage of doing some work.
It’s not a race to the bottom you know.

If their room is a double can it not be split into two single rooms? Or the walls shifted internally to create two bigger single rooms?

I mean realistically a loft conversion doesn’t exactly take a weekend… it could be by the time it’s done eldest will be nearing uni age anyway (depending on if that is the plan)

It can never be equal because OP’s step sons have another bedroom/s at their mum’s. OP’s children live there full time and they aren’t the same sex so can’t share a room.

@Georgey0 YANBU. My brothers shared a bedroom and I had my own. It’s normal for same sex siblings to share a bedroom. Don’t agree to the loft conversion.

YANBU and a loft conversion is far too big an investment for this issue - the DSC would be nearly adults by the time the mess and chaos was over.

Could the large room they share be converted to give them both more privacy?

How about buying this:
https://funkybunkbeds.com/product/room-divider-bunk-bed/
which is a floor-to-ceiling bunk bed designed to split a room into two distinct and private zones for sharers

Yes, I can't believe these children who depend upon me for food and shelter are so amenable!

And you only have to be resilient to negative experiences, so they know they're hurting these children when they say that.

Omg am I right in thinking you have a playroom 🙄

So the two favourite little kids each have a bedroom PLUS have a playroom, while the two teens who need personal space have 1 room to share.

You KNOW that's wrong OP.

It should be that the largest bedroom goes to one of the youngest kids and also has playroom space in it for the two of them, then the playroom is a bedroom for one of the teens so that everyone has a private space.

It doesn't matter if that isn't what OP wants to use all of her savings for.

I agree with you, OP.

What about using some of the money for the loft conversion to get a joiner in to transform the room? Something like this with their own section on either side

I agree with you, OP. Your children are there full time, and it's their only home.

The others have another home, where I presume they have separate rooms.

It was normal to share at one point. It won't do them any harm.

If they moved in full time it would be different, but they're not.

The children cannot all be treated equally because their situations aren't the same.

If you had unlimited money I'd also say do it, but you don't. Savings are important. What if one of them is in an accident and needs to fund being off work for ages? What if they need a new car?

Exactly this smdh.

I’d also recommend getting a valuation from an estate agent based on your plans as, depending on your area, most/all of the money that you spend on an attic conversion will be added to the house value.

It would be way way more suitable to have a 4 year old and a 7 year old share than a 13 and 15 year old and I can't believe you've been that selfish. At 4 and 7 they don't view sharing as a bad thing, lots of kids WANT to share at that age, whereas at 13 and 15 sharing a room is much much harder.

Come on OP it's very obvious your 2 younger children get preferential treatment, and I wonder in what other respects things are unfair in this blended family.

The 4yr old and 7yr old should be sharing on the basis the 15 year old is moving out /off to uni at 18 so it's only for 3 years, by which time the younger two are 7 and 10 which is a really good time to then give own rooms.