To forgive my husband

Just keep finances separate. As long as you are both contributing to the household. I wouldn’t worry too much.

I was talking about in a divorce! Not Experian. A gambling debt might be attributed to the gambler but general debt is considered matrimonial debt unless there are compelling reasons otherwise. The OP knew about them and therefore they are not wholly individual. She hasn’t directly benefitted and could argue this but it’s hard if he’s borrowed more and they had a wedding and holidays whilst having debt.

Nope. You're wrong. If the debt is solely in one partner's name, it is not the responsibility of the spouse. I've been through this.

Am I Liable For My Partners Debt? | Experian
Am I responsible for my partner’s debt?
Generally speaking, a person is only responsible for their own debt. If your name isn’t on the credit agreement and you didn’t sign the contract, or act as a guarantor, then in most circumstances you can’t be chased for payment.
However, if you jointly applied for credit with your partner, or signed the paperwork, then a lender could pursue both of you.

I am not sure you’re ever protected from your spouse’s debt.

@TheAmusedQuail In a marriage debt is debt. It’s a marital debt regardless of who took it out. Liabilities and assets are all on the table in a divorce. You don’t get to ring fence debts or assets very often! Pre nup can give a steer of course.

The OP should work with DH and hopefully clear the debt as suggested and ensure no more loans are taken out without both parties agreeing and understanding what the implications are. Bad luck does happen but sweeping the finances under the carpet never does. He’s paid for things like a wedding and holidays instead of paying his debts. So he’s not that sensible and he needs to prove he can be.

My ex was like this. Not debt from before we were married though. Stuff he took out while we were married. My way of dealing with it was to never have any joint debt/credit with him, although did have to have a mortgage with him, which due to his non-payment when we were divorcing wrecked my credit for 7 years.

Don't ever take out any joint debt with him. OR take out any debt in your name, that he is supposedly going to pay half of. He clearly 1) Can't be trusted and 2) Doesn't know how to deal with money. Protect yourself FFS if you're not going to leave him.

The debts can impact the marriage finances though and how you plan things together. Can he afford the holiday? Is he helping to pay for childcare? Can you get the mortgage you want? Or the finance for a car? All well and good if all finance is healthy but debt and loans are another matter in a marriage. As they are in a divorce.

People can get into debt for all sorts of reasons, and carrying debt can cause shame. However, married or not, when you are with someone and living together, and essentially have decided you want to spend rest of your days with someone - you need to trust each other. We here don’t know the rest of your relationship - which would also put this into context. I’ve had debts in past and in a past relationship I didn’t disclose this to my ex and cleared it myself. It wasn’t the right thing to do but then I was scared of telling him for fear of him judging me. I also had in my 20s an ex who had loads of debts which I helped clear - wouldn’t do that again now. I feel money and how we manage it together in a relationship is important. Money is currency for how we can live our lives. More importantly, now I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’d feel I can’t share the highs and lows - trust & being vulnerable is what builds the deepest intimacy. He has lied to you a few times now. I’d sit down and tell him how you feel. That lying is an issue and for you you want to be an open book with him about money. How you feel is important and should be for him too. He does need to assure you, share with you and talk openly and honestly with you too. Good luck.

Should correct that then really, haven’t understood how divorce works. Or debts after death, or being married to someone who is an arsehole. Other peoples marriages basically. What works for you won’t work for everyone, and it doesn’t change the legalities of finance in marriage

It may sound extreme but I’d divorce him, even if we continued to live together.

he has lied numerous times and borrowed money without telling you. Where has that gone £23k is a large amount.

your names on the mortgage but he owns half and can take on debt secured on it. You owe half that money as your married.

divorce now and if you want to stay together keep totally seperated finances and keep him off the mortgage. You can’t trust him an inch

Thank you, but I think I understand very well, having been very happily married for 45 years, and living with my husband for 4 years before we got married.

I would definitely keep my finances completely separate.
The continual lying/lying by ommission would be a huge concern.

What has worked for you in your marriage does not work in everybody's.

OP's H has proven himself not to be financially responsible and OP could potentially find herself being jointly liable for large amounts of debt he has incurred. She has to look after her own interests.

Does he have a gambling problem?

I disagree. My husband and I used to have a joint account for paying bills before we had children, but provided our standing orders went into the account every month, what either of us spent was nothing to do with the other. Once my husband started his own business, I never knew how much he earned or spent and he never knew how much I earned until I became self employed and he started doing my accounts for me. I’ve never looked at one of his personal account bank statements in the 50 years we’ve been together and he’s never looked at mine either. It might be different if one of us didn’t meet our monthly commitments, but there’s never been a time when that’s happened.

It points towards gambling so I would end it immediately.

That's nearly £24K. That's a lot of money.
I was previously married to an addict (poly addiction - substances and gambling) and a lot of what you describe sounds like my situation.
I can't tell you that's what's going on in your marriage but there are 2 questions that you need answered:

1. What did he spend the money on?

and, more importantly:

2. Why isn't he being open about his loans? Why the secrecy?

If either of those answers don't satisfy you or feel wrong or off in anyway you need to take urgent steps to insulate your finances from him as far as possible.
Even if you are happy with the answers, do not get into any joint finances with him, even a little current account to manage household spending. Something is off with his financial management. The only thing that saved me from complete disaster when exH did finally implode was we had no joint finances.

Of course it's his wife's business!

I don't think 'forgiving' is the issue.

I think he needs to understand that keeping financial information from you is a major issue and will affect your decisions about how to manage your own money. A marriage is a joint enterprise. You would expect his support and for him to adjust his spending/financial choices if you get made redundant or had a catastophic health event, and the same the other way round. You would expect to agree together how to plan for those things, what savings to build up, what insurance to buy if any. You'd expect to know if he was going to mortgage the house to start a business etc. You need to be able to trust that he is sharing important information like taking on debt with you. See how he reacts to all that.

Frankly I'd wait a couple of years before taking on any joint financial commitments.

He may have a bit of a spending addiction. He's not entirely secretive about it though he doesn't volunteer the information, so perhaps he would agree to talk to a counsellor in that area, maybe with you there? You could tell him that debts worry you and you want to understand what is going on.

Not sure you’ve fully understood how marriage works

However everytime I’ve found out about debt etc he’s reassured me that’s it all gone for me to then find something else out again.

What was his explanation of the £12k and £5.5k debts when they were revealed, since he said that everything was clean once the original £6k was paid off? Did he forget about the other ones, mistakenly think they'd been paid, or is he saying it's a mistake, or fraud, or ...? I'd not be impressed that he'd failed to tell me about ANY substantial debt before we were married, but I'd be even more concerned that he apparently directly lied about the issue (not "just" a lie of omission) and hid the extent of it even after knowing how it negatively impacted you.

So long as your husband pays whatever he is responsible for paying each month, I really don’t think what he owes on a credit card or loan is any of your business. I can’t imagine ever wanting to do a credit check on my husband - it’s beyond intrusive and unreasonable!

I’d want to know what he’s spent this money on!