Neighbour I barely know approached DH to imply that I'm cheating

This was my thought too. Telling another man that he needs to “have words” with his wife smacks of misogyny. While he’s smoking weed all day I expect he’s online with the other sad loners.

I would be knocking on the neighbours door and reminding him to mind his own business.

I’d ignore the neighbour and not give him the satisfaction of knowing how it panned out. He’s immature and a misogynist who think women are men’s property.

id have a serious conversation with your dh about being honest and about expecting him to defend you in that type of situation and shut it down.

id be annoyed at the fact he waited until you had a row, I bet it distracted from his fault/responsibility in the row. I find that frustrating as things don’t tend to get resolved.

I learnt the hard way you don't trust neighbours and keep private always some curtain twitcher around

What’s your marriage like generally?

Women absolutely are told to say something (the sisterhood and all that) and often it really is based on the most spurious “evidence”, anyone remember the post where a man was seen having dinner with someone somewhere and posters were encouraging the woman to ring the hotel in question, pretend to be the woman, hire private investigators etc and this bloke wasn’t even her husband but a random work colleague.

yes, often they are told to mind their own business and I agree with that sentiment. But there are always a significant amount of posters on those threads who say that they should tell.

And There would be far more posters saying that the woman should bide her time and look out for evidence if a neighbour had come up to you and said that they’d seen your husband on the doorstep with another woman.

I don’t actually think there is anything to be achieved by approaching the bloke, if he’s a stirrer then it could absolutely cause trouble, and given there’s not actually anything going on what’s important is the relationship between you and your husband, not what went on with this bloke.

You are desperate to do the tedious ‘double standards’, aren’t you? But you are completely wrong.

No women on mumsnet is told to start gossiping about a random neighbour to their wife (who they also don’t know) because they’ve seen the man talking to a random woman on the street. In fact the most common response would be ‘mind your own business’.

And all this NDN has said (as far as the husband has told the story) is that he saw OP talking to a random man and told DH he should have a word with his wife.

But do go find a post where most posters are encouraging that to happen if you want to make your point.

Yeah, but remember, the OP wasn't actually doing anything wrong...

Could it be that your husband saw you and us using the neighbour as a decoy?

So if it is a women 'there needs to be proof' a man 'no smoke without fire'

Weird neighbour is giving incel vibes! I wouldn’t confront but it’s an odd reaction from your husband! My would have said ‘that weird stoner kid from downstairs had such an odd conversation with me!’

Not without proof they aren't.

They'd both get told to fuck off, some incel policing a grown woman and your DH for not telling NDN to jog on, let alone giving it any credence. Does he have form for not trusting you?

I wouldn't confront him because he might be vindictive. He sounds unreasonable.

I would report the weed use most certainly and strongly.

Whatever about the twat neighbour I would get the total ick for my husband if he behaved like that.
Him listening to your neighbour speak about you like that is ugh.

Report his weed smoking paranoia too.

Weed smoking can cause paranoia.

I'd agree with this. Forget the idiot downstairs. He's not your problem. I kind of understand why your husband might not bring it up, but not why he wouldn't bring it up and then would after an argument.

If you reverse the sexes then a lot of the posters here would just assume there was some basis for his claim. It's daft to suggest this doesn't happen here constantly.

He’s a little creep but your husbands reaction is bizarre to me. I’d be furious that he was prepared to believe that guy, and just kind of sit on it, rather than have a grown up discussion.

I know my husband. If a neighbour came to me and said he’d been speaking to a random woman we would laugh about it.

I’ve read all the comments and can’t believe not a single one one of you - not even you, OP - picked up on the fact that OP’s husband said confronting the kid would “cause trouble.”
There wouldn’t be any TROUBLE if that little shit had minded his own business and kept his big mouth SHUT.
Consider what’s left to do just tying up loose ends, @NC2StayAnonymous25.
Just be careful of creating enemies. ❤️

Unusually I see this from the POV of your DH - very possibly a first 😵‍💫

Man downstairs might have some form of skunky paranoia, trust issues, hates women or be struggling with his mental health - or some combo thereof, or all together. He might fancy you - or your DH. He might have thought he was doing the right thing by the nice man upstairs. But the fact he said anything is like a flashing beacon of BEST AVOIDED to me.

It would have been nice if DH had either dismissed it as what it is and said nothing to you (best idea) or defended your honour to randoman - but I suspect he’s got a point about not wanting to engage. I don’t know what I’d even say I’d someone came to me with something like that. It’s such a weird statement to make to someone you barely know that I can’t imagine replying ‘I heavily doubt my husband is having an affair, anyway that’s not really evidence is it, maybe best not to say that sort of thing again?’ I’d just be like ‘riiiight thanks’ (very strong mental note to not speak with them for the rest of my life if at all possible).

I totally get why it would be insulting but for the sake of not getting into discussion about my marriage with neighbours I’d file it under ‘thing a person said.’ Clearly if he pushes it again there might need to be a little chat but I don’t know if I’d want to fall out with someone who lives below me, smokes weed all day and doesn’t really observe social norms.

It sounds like the young man is an Andrew Tate incel type who thinks it’s his business to police women.

I’d definitely be shopping him re the weed (and because it’s a vile smell for everyone else to have to put up with).

I’d be tempted to confront him but he might well get unpleasant. He sounds like a right little shit tbh.

What a trouble making little shit stirrer. Why try to sow seeds of discontent in your relationship? Probably fancies you. He can’t have much of a life if he needs to monitor & gossip about his neighbours for kicks. I wouldn’t speak to him. Don’t give him the satisfaction.

Maybe your DH could tell the young man that you were talking to plain clothed policeman about the drugs in your building

Am I being unreasonable or is the neighbour?

The neighbour is a 21 year-old no-life with a weed habit. You know the answer. The questions are, what do want to happen, what can you and your DH actually do to make that happen?