So sad

I’m in a ladies walking group, it’s amazing for local friendships. Country walks, pub lunches, nights out, even thinking of a holiday. Many of the ladies were seeking new friends and they’ve said this group has been life changing for them. Have a look in your area for some groups, get out there and widen your social circle, as it won’t come to you.

I’m much younger but went through a period where I realised that my friends were slipping away.

I started calling and messaging them. Checking in often. Do you have family at all? Perhaps a project could be getting close to family? If you work full time are there social opportunities within your job? I find more and more companies are encouraging things like volunteer days and internal celebrations. By taking part in these activities you can get closer to colleagues in other departments?

Not all older people are lonely, some find a new lease of life as time moves on.
There are all kinds of reasons why you might be lonely, but it's hard to tell because you are replying quite tersely to everyone who tries to engage with you. If this happens in real life, it could account for the loneliness.

the OMM works for anyone, your list of chores and admin is just so much smaller without kids. (at least mine was).

Without kids, I didn't need to use to spend more than one evening a week cleaning, ironing etc.., and maybe another one to do admin. My weekends were always all mine.

TOMM just organises your week by doing a little clean every day of the week, like 20 or 30mn kitchen on Monday, 30mn bedrooms on Tuesday etc.. and using your Friday (or whatever day) doing a deeper 30 mn in a room in turn (including garage, then deeper kitchen the following week, then decluttering your wardrobe following week)

Just a method to stop wasting too much time with housework, but having a house always tidy and visitor-ready and having all your weekends off.

It's very simple and obvious, but her guides helped a lot of people to get more organised and efficient with housekeeping.

Sounds interesting. I’m not a mum so would you recommend for single 50 something?!

Then you spend weekends cleaning and shopping for the next week

Highly recommend the Organised Mum Method.

Sounds simple and obvious, but it means that you don't do any chores or admin at the weekend. Being chore-free at the weekend is the best thing for me - still doing laundry, the school uniforms don't clean themselves and I have to do laundry every day anyway

@MoominMaiHave to agree that the new set up is ridiculous! However, I’m lucky to be in a few already well established groups, and we have so far been able to keep them running. It is a pain though, that we can’t use certain features now unless we subscribe, but we have managed to get round that with WhatsApp groups set up as soon as the participants add themselves to an event. Fingers crossed we can continue, as these activities and events have made such a difference to so many people. 🤞

Meet Up has been ruined now unfortunately. A new company bought it and introduced fees to access previously free important features. The fees have gone up so much that the organisers have just abandoned the groups that I was previously part of. So annoying as whole point of these groups was for isolated people to be able to safely connect with like minded people for a very minimal cost. Well that’s all gone now in my area unfortunately, glad you are unaffected however.

You don’t have to go from nothing to out every night - Why not start with one weekly activity and start from there.

I think it's harder as you get older myself. People have to work longer now. Yet you have health issues, aches and pains that mean you aren't able to go out after 8 hours at work. Then you spend weekends cleaning and shopping for the next week. So it takes quite a bit of effort to socialise. And a lot of the activities are only available in the daytime.

I think you get out of practice too with how to make friends.

I think walking groups might be a good place to start or maybe a book group if you read? Our library runs one. Start slowly and keep going. There is a lot of stuff on YouTube on how to talk to people, if that's an issue.

i hope you come back op. You really aren't alone in this. I would say all my old friends who work full time nearing 60 have a very limited social life. A consequence of the increase in retirement age I think.

Joi some regular activities walking group book club community choir volunteer

I think it's more than most people naturally make more efforts when they are at university.

Even at uni you don't make friends if you stay in your room, don't engage with anyone, and go from lecture to library to bedroom without interacting with others.

It's harder to find free time when you are working and have kids, but it doesn't stop people from having friends.

No, it’s not inevitable with age. Just takes more effort than when you’re at university, for example. So if it matters to you, you’ll need to make a bit more effort and pull yourself out of the rut.

I think with friendships you get out what you put in

I'd start by contacting some people you haven't spoken to recently, to touch base with them

It's up to you to make efforts frankly.

When I read some of the posts on here (not talking about YOU personally OP), I struggle to imagine these people having any kind of life - posters are so superior, judgmental, are shocked and horrified at the idea of a doing a favour for a friend, spending lunch with a friend or - the horror - staying in somebody else's house. I bet these people will end up very lonely.

You meet people through work, some might become friends, you can join a hobby club and meet people, do volunteering if you want another way.

Your life is far from over, why not make the most of it?
Not many people work 14 hours a day 7 days a week and have no time for a private life, what are you doing with yours?

Is your username a bar in a city @Niceandsleazy

No, it’s not. If you’ve drifted out of friendships pick them up again. And make new ones.

I’m 47 and have children and a husband and tbh I find it hard to keep up with all the people I’d like to.

What do you do for fun? That’s the best way to make friends.

I don't know..I've actually noticed a trend of older women getting new hobbies, making new friends... retirement is time to shine

Full time working as you get older makes things difficult. I'm too tired to join activities in the evenings.

If you want friends and a social life you have to seek it out.

Find clubs/hobbies you're interested in and join them as others have suggested.

Maybe start with your local FB groups.

If you are still working and feel too tired to make the effort be assured that after you retire there are lots of opportunities to make friends, reconnect with old friends and broaden your horizons.
I am in my 70s now. The last two years I was working full time I had a few health problems and was finding my job tiring, also family members had severe health issues and needed help. I was practically crawling up the stairs to go to bed at 9pm.
It needn't be permanent. Since retiring I have joined a book group and a couple of other groups and made a few good friends. It took a bit of time. Friends who had been in the background because they were also tired and busy have reconnected.
I have also more energy for gardening, crafts, reading, going to the Cinema. I go to Yoga class, I can't do what the 40 year olds do but no-one cares.
Try to view it as temporary and not get too depressed about it. You can change things. It takes effort but it can be done.