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AIBU?

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AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

491 replies

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

OP posts:
SwanOfThoseThings · 26/04/2025 09:42

I do remember a teacher smacking a pupil in the late 1980s, after the ban. The teacher was incompetent - her classes were a bear-garden - this particular pupil was an absolute little shit, taking knives into school (when this wasn't common as it is now) and in and out of young offenders' institutions, which he used to boast about - chaos really. He threatened immediately to sue her, but I don't know if anything came of this.

Goingoutofmymind25 · 26/04/2025 09:42

You should be apologising and ashamed of yourself.
The post says all we need to know about you as a person

notatinydancer · 26/04/2025 09:41

You say you’re shocked she remembers so much ? To me it sounds like she was deeply effected and traumatised by your horrendous treatment of some of her classmates.
I’m very glad you got out of teaching.
I’m surprised you thought you’d be able to teach ? I know couldn’t.
Also , the nerve of you having a word with her in private , I’m pleased she felt able to stand up to you as an adult.
I only hope she feels ok now.

QuaintPanda · 26/04/2025 09:38

The right thing to do would be to apologise to her. As you quickly gave up teaching, you realised you weren’t suited for it and had the decency to find a different job. But you will have caused long-term damage in some of those 30 kids you had in your care and I think a heartfelt apology might help mitigate some of that as well as being the right thing to do.

You messed up, and you weren’t working with inanimate objects, you were working with impressionable children.

skinnyoptionsonly · 26/04/2025 09:37

How is she holding you hostage? She’s just being aloof. She’s not confronted you in front of the hospital, which she could quite entitled to do.

do you really want to ruin her career after abusing her as a child?

You sound horrendous

skinnyoptionsonly · 26/04/2025 09:35

This actually can’t be real

skinnyoptionsonly · 26/04/2025 09:34

Wow

you threw desks?

You smack children?

You should be ashamed of yourself not making complaint about young lady doing her best to help your husband

Popquorn · 26/04/2025 09:33

She has good reason to be aloof - and when you asked her why she told you.

You behaved badly then, and sound arrogant now.

Springtimehere · 26/04/2025 09:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

preimenopauserulesmylife · 26/04/2025 09:22

So many of us suffer PTSD as adults from the trauma we went through at the hands of teachers back then.
I was a child of the 1980's. Always too afraid to even sneeze in class, but regularly had the board rubber thrown at me for not knowing the answer to questions.
When I look back as an adult I can see that he knew how terrified I was (I was a shy 8 year old) and he would get a weird kick out of this, putting his face right up close to mine and snarling at me.
It has stayed with me for life.

I never saw him again in adulthood, and I assume he will be long gone now, but if I had met him as an adult I would have acted the same way as the health professional you came into contact with. I would have questioned him on way he felt the need to intimidate and terrify a vulnerable 8 year old. I'd want him to know the impact he had on my life.

AndImBrit · 26/04/2025 09:21

This must either be made up or a reverse. No way can someone justify being in such bad place that they abused children in a professional capacity, and then not give any grace to another professional who is being civil but “aloof” to them.

Even if she wasn’t a victim of your abuse, you can’t expect every professional to fawn over you as by your own admission if they’re having bad time personally, it’s actually okay for the professional to shout at you and slap you.

You don’t deserve any courtesy from this physio - and tbh it’s weird that you’d expect any of your husband’s doctors to be more than clinical and professional with you.

FuzzyYellowChicken · 26/04/2025 09:20

Sorry... You want to complain about her??? Am I reading that right.
Id have a hard time being nice to anyone who did that. She must be traumatised. I can't remember any of the teachers doing that when I was at school at a similar time.
Wow.

Hdjdb42 · 26/04/2025 09:17

I went to school.in the early 80s and smacking wasn't allowed. I remember my father being relieved about the school smacking ban. Because he had been targeted by a certain teacher for smacking, and whipping due to his learning difficultiesand dyslexia. How did you get away with it? I wish I could encourage that person to report you.

Porkychops · 26/04/2025 09:16

Wow so you abused children in your care, one of them remembers it and has been a bit off with you and it is all HER problem!! No words really, I'm glad you left teaching. I have similar memories of a female teacher assaulting me in front of my friends as I hadn't finished my maths! No one complained in those days as it was the norm because our parents would have backed the teachers!!

SolDeBlaBla · 26/04/2025 09:15

eggsandwich · 26/04/2025 09:04

When I was 9 years old, the young female teacher ( I won’t name her) asked the class how do you spell the word any.

After a number of the class spelt it with an e, I put my hand up and spelt it any, at which point she stormed over to me and slapped me so hard across the face, I was too shocked to cry, the teacher thought I had spelt the word with an e when I hadn’t and a classmate had said I had spelt it with an a and the teacher had misheard.

I never told my mum which I should have until many, many years later, but too this day it has affected me so much I never got over her actions and have carried it through my adult life.

I am so sorry you had to experience this. There are many stories like this. I wish we could name and shame but I know why we should't.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 26/04/2025 09:15

Ok so she’s a bit abrupt with you but frankly you sound like a Piece of shit so I wouldn’t worry too much about someone you abused verbally or physically whilst in the role of a teacher, being a bit abrupt

ClarasSisters · 26/04/2025 09:14

So no one complained about you slapping children and throwing furniture @Toooldforallthisnow but you want to complain about a professional who is treating your spouse for "being a bit abrupt"?

Give your head a wobble.

Hdjdb42 · 26/04/2025 09:12

Frostgiant · 25/04/2025 23:26

You physically abused children in your care and you think she is unprofessional for being ‘aloof’? Alrighty then.

This 👆
You're being unreasonable. She was a small child who was terrified of you and witnessed you smacking children and throwing a table across the room in a rage!!! Not good at all. You seem to think bevause it was a short temporary time in your life that it doesnt matter?! Well tou still affected children in your care. You must have been terrifying for the child to still remember you today. She has no need to be polite to you as you're not her client. There is nothing to report.

Redbushteaforme · 26/04/2025 09:11

LovePeriodProperty · 26/04/2025 03:43

I’m amazed at all the comments OP

Unfortunately we all remember the teachers we loved and I’m afraid also those that hit us too.

My first day at school I was hit for forgetting where my coat peg was.
This sort of thing Is just not something we forget but you were basically carrying out what was considered normal punishment at the time. That’s how I see it now and have done for a very long time.

I wouldn’t get upset by comments here I think most posters are younger and can’t see how things have changed so much.

I was at school when belting children was still allowed in the 1970s and 1980s (in Scotland). I have memories of sadistic teachers who clearly shouldn't have been teachers and who made children's lives a misery. Most of the belting was done to children who, when I think back, obviously had signs of learning difficulties.

Even then, most teachers did not use corporal.punishnent, and throwing a desk across a room would not have been normal.

OP: you were a bully when you were a teacher. Don't be a bully again by reporting this woman.

eggsandwich · 26/04/2025 09:04

When I was 9 years old, the young female teacher ( I won’t name her) asked the class how do you spell the word any.

After a number of the class spelt it with an e, I put my hand up and spelt it any, at which point she stormed over to me and slapped me so hard across the face, I was too shocked to cry, the teacher thought I had spelt the word with an e when I hadn’t and a classmate had said I had spelt it with an a and the teacher had misheard.

I never told my mum which I should have until many, many years later, but too this day it has affected me so much I never got over her actions and have carried it through my adult life.

Anewuser · 26/04/2025 09:02

No wonder the OP didn’t come back.

What on earth did she expect?

I would love to know why 2% that voted she was reasonable.

What a disgraceful woman.

OP has no right to complain anyway, as she is not the patient. The patient is receiving appropriate care, as OP accepts.

We can only hope from all these messages, she can accept she needs to apologise to the physio and ask for her forgiveness.

Fioratourer · 26/04/2025 09:01

She doesn’t like you and she told you why. It’s a personal matter not a professional one. You probably traumatised those children. I had a teacher that smacked me in the 80’s and I was mortified and didn’t tell anyone. It wasn’t allowed and you shouldn’t have done it. Your post sounds more concerned about whether you should complain and the affect on yourself in teaching than what happened to those children.

SolDeBlaBla · 26/04/2025 09:01

I don't think you're supposed to troll hunt. Why on earth would someone make up a story like this?

Bunnie007 · 26/04/2025 09:00

So to clarify you emotionally and physically abused children in your care and now many years later, when one of these children, has made you aware of the long lasting impact of this (the fact she still remembers and feels upset!) rather than feel remorseful and want to apologise, you want to complain about this person. I’m actually stunned. I am so happy that you left teaching.

Dreamerinme · 26/04/2025 08:59

Nope, what a load of made-up rubbish and so many posters are falling for it. OP is probably laughing her head off at people falling over themselves to tell her how can she be so thick as to think this is all OK.

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