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AIBU?

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AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

491 replies

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

OP posts:
TheEllisGreyMethod · 26/04/2025 10:56

You sound absolutely awful.
You treated a group of children horribly and you think it's ok because it was in the past and a low point
The bloody physio should be commended for being able to put that aside and treat your husband so well. If it was me, I would have asked someone else to treat him.

Spirallingdownwards · 26/04/2025 10:55

Whooowhooohoo · 26/04/2025 10:49

Request another physio … she should have done this because professionally she has conflicts.

request another & say “she was a pupil of mine X years ago, she told me she has negative feelings about me. She cannot treat me with this conflict.”

The only thing physio did wrong is accept u as a patient - should have said she has conflict due to prior relationship,

Or perhaps you could read the one and only post the OP made in which case you will see she is not a patient. HTH.

Juiceinacup · 26/04/2025 10:55

If this is in anyway true, you were a child abuser and deserve everything you get. Don’t you think if other people knew this about you they would also be curt with you, even if they weren’t actually one of your victims?

Thenose · 26/04/2025 10:55

Where is your shame?

Theroadt · 26/04/2025 10:55

Well finally your past has caught up with you and frankly you still sound self-excusing. What she remembers is being an unwilling bystander witness to your physical and emotional abuse of children. I would respect you more if you were honest about that.

Spirallingdownwards · 26/04/2025 10:54

Sorry but as someone who was mainly at school in the 70s and smacking wasn't legal then in schools then if you were illegally abusing kids in the 80s why do you think an ex-pupil isn't rushing to be friendly towards you?

Gilead · 26/04/2025 10:53

So, you bullied her as a child and now you want to bully her as an adult. How unpleasant.

Holdonforsummer · 26/04/2025 10:52

If I were the physiotherapist, I would be tempted to call the police to see if I could make a retrospective complaint about your use of corporal punishment in schools. Thank goodness you left teaching.

ilovesooty · 26/04/2025 10:52

I began teaching before you, in the days when corporal punishment was still permitted in schools. Even then it had to be recorded in a punishment book. Thankfully it was abolished.

Random smacking and violence in classrooms was never permissable. You are fortunate that your abuse wasn't reported.

LadyMinerva · 26/04/2025 10:52

Whooowhooohoo · 26/04/2025 10:49

Request another physio … she should have done this because professionally she has conflicts.

request another & say “she was a pupil of mine X years ago, she told me she has negative feelings about me. She cannot treat me with this conflict.”

The only thing physio did wrong is accept u as a patient - should have said she has conflict due to prior relationship,

She hasn't accepted OP as a patient at all and has absolutely no reason to be transferred.

Have you even read the OP's post?

choppywood · 26/04/2025 10:50

Sounds like you haven't changed much , If I were you I'd be grateful that she is treating your husband with care and professionalism despite her clearly suffering a terrible at school with you. People never forget their childhood bullies and in this case the bully was you. I'd be utterly ashamed if I was you

Whooowhooohoo · 26/04/2025 10:49

Request another physio … she should have done this because professionally she has conflicts.

request another & say “she was a pupil of mine X years ago, she told me she has negative feelings about me. She cannot treat me with this conflict.”

The only thing physio did wrong is accept u as a patient - should have said she has conflict due to prior relationship,

Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2025 10:46

FrazzledHippy · 25/04/2025 23:33

Personally, I'd be mortified that I'd abused and traumatized a group of children...

Exactly
You have a lot of excuses as to why you did this and maybe some are valid but you need to realise that you behaved really badly and instead of being ashamed you are considering trying to get this poor woman into trouble.
if she is treating your H well then be grateful for that and wind your neck in

TheAmusedQuail · 26/04/2025 10:46

You're lucky you weren't arrested.

I would let this drop because I assume you could still be charged for it.

You have horrified me and to think about making a complaint about a child you abused...

OneLimePoster · 26/04/2025 10:46

I cannot believe what I have read. You were, by your own admission, a violent and abusive teacher. It's clearly made an impression on her all these years later.

She had been nothing but caring towards your husband and acted professionally towards you and you want to make a complaint about her?

You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself and thankful she and your former pupils have not made a report about you to the police.

bakebeans · 26/04/2025 10:45

NHS professional here.

I didn’t think you needed to have a word with her. She’s treating the husband not you.

She didn’t need to be rude and from a professional perspective she didn’t need to disclose her reasoning for disliking you.

Wellifyouresurebetterbegryffindor · 26/04/2025 10:42

You don't appear to have grown as a person since you were a teacher

Riaanna · 26/04/2025 10:41

Also good on her for calling you out!

Riaanna · 26/04/2025 10:40

You want to complain about someone who is not your care giver, who is doing their job well, acting with kindness to your spouse, because you used to beat children? Go for it.

Poppymeldrum · 26/04/2025 10:37

I was bullied by just about every teacher in primary school

Bullied,smacked and mentally abused-it's had a massive effect on me as an adult

The worst teacher is now best friends with my mother (long story,mothers a narcissist and I'm nc)

The same teacher had the brass neck to act like she was my best mate when I was about 17/18

I was too shy to tell her to do one at that point

Years later,if i saw her now,she'd get both barrels and I'd do a lot more than be aloof

You deserve it-bullies act in the dark and you don't like that she's brought your bullying into the light

You will have affected her as a child,which doesn't leave you as soon as you hit 18 and you suddenly forget

She's a better person than I'll ever be,at least she's being professional

Stay out of her way and be on your knees with gratitude that at least she's polite and a professional

WhatDaHell · 26/04/2025 10:33

I can't believe you asked to speak with her in private to be honest, even without knowing she knew who you was, that's just bizarre

Loub1987 · 26/04/2025 10:33

You deserve to be complained about. Not that it would do any good.

You are an abusive bully and shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near children.

Umbrellasinthesunshine · 26/04/2025 10:28

Well she hasn’t smacked you or thrown a desk at you so perhaps you should count yourself lucky! Imagine your cheek at calling her unprofessional for being “curt” when that is on your record?! Wow.

AD1509 · 26/04/2025 10:26

I’d say if she didn’t make a complaint against your child abuse then you can probably let her being “curt” slide

TimeForATerf · 26/04/2025 10:26

I cannot believe you would even CONSIDER complaining about her. Your behaviour was inexcusable, hers is not.