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Original poster

AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

491 replies

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

OP posts:
PruthePrune · 26/04/2025 11:41

I left school 40 years ago but have never forgotten the sadistic RE teacher who used to throw blackboard rubbers at pupils and on one occasion smashed a pupil's face against his desk, loosening his front teeth. I also remember that she emptied the contents of the waste bin over someone. I too was one of the lucky ones as I was only ever screamed at and humiliated.
Those sorts of behaviours are not forgotten. You have obviously made a negative lasting impression on this woman and your explanation makes it completely understandable. Let this one go.

Auroraloves · 26/04/2025 11:39

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 11:31

If the OP was genuinely sorry though, which she could be, why would she be wanting to put in a complaint about her when she sounds like she's doing a great job with her husband's care?
It's just showing behaviour that hasn't changed, to be sticking the boot in again as an adult.
I'd be sitting the fuck down and grateful that the physio is able to carry on being the professional she is!

Show quote history

Exactly, the physio has obviously not let this abuse beat her and has clearly had some good teachers and role models. You never forget bully teachers.

it’s sad that @Toooldforallthisnow Is not showing any remorse, she had an opportunity to apologise and is talking about complaining and potentially damaging this woman’s career

BonneMaman77 · 26/04/2025 11:38

YABU.
As you say she is doing her job very well according, so what exactly will be your complaint?

Interested to know how you responded to her during the conversation?

Auroraloves · 26/04/2025 11:36

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 11:33

I was thinking that, I was a kid in school in the mid to late 80s (UK) and it definitely wasn't normal for teachers to smack kids or throw desks.

Show quote history

Yes, same here I’m 46 and no smacking

Saharafordessert · 26/04/2025 11:34

Unbelievable OP. She’s actually been incredibly professional, she’s looking after your husband and not you. The fact you’ve blanked everything from this time and moved on says a lot about you….its a shame your poor students couldn’t do the same.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 11:33

IHeartHalloumi · 26/04/2025 11:31

In the late 1980s a teacher hitting kids was definitely not normal and I believe not legal. I was at school then and never saw a teacher hit anyone, threaten or throw items. The physio could make a police complaint about historic child abuse - whether that would be upheld would depend on which country you were in and the dates. Either way you behaved abusively by the standards of the time. Are there really people here who were in primary school in the late 1980s who were hit by their teachers? If you were 11 in 1988 you'd be about 48 now.

I was thinking that, I was a kid in school in the mid to late 80s (UK) and it definitely wasn't normal for teachers to smack kids or throw desks.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 11:31

OakleyAnnie · 26/04/2025 00:01

Your post made me very sad. Lots of people have done things they regret. Sometimes very bad things. You did the right thing and left the profession. You’ve moved on and put the bad times behind you. You said you don’t like to talk about those days. I suspect you feel terrible and have many regrets even if you haven’t said a lot about that here.

i don’t think you should complain. You could apologise to her. Or you could ignore it. Or keep away from the hospital when she’s treating him.

i doubt you’re the terrible person people here are gleefully making out. Everyone loves a pile on and we all feel so good about ourselves, perfect as we are 🙄

wishing you well 💐

If the OP was genuinely sorry though, which she could be, why would she be wanting to put in a complaint about her when she sounds like she's doing a great job with her husband's care?
It's just showing behaviour that hasn't changed, to be sticking the boot in again as an adult.
I'd be sitting the fuck down and grateful that the physio is able to carry on being the professional she is!

IHeartHalloumi · 26/04/2025 11:31

In the late 1980s a teacher hitting kids was definitely not normal and I believe not legal. I was at school then and never saw a teacher hit anyone, threaten or throw items. The physio could make a police complaint about historic child abuse - whether that would be upheld would depend on which country you were in and the dates. Either way you behaved abusively by the standards of the time. Are there really people here who were in primary school in the late 1980s who were hit by their teachers? If you were 11 in 1988 you'd be about 48 now.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/04/2025 11:27

Wow ! good for her !!!

Many people on MumsNet have bad memories of a school or a job, she took the opportunity to tell you, I bet lots of other people wish they had the opportunity to tell their bullies face to face.

You were not a good teacher, no matter how many excuses you make, thankfully you chose to leave the profession.

You owe her a huge bunch of flowers, I suspect she was one of 30 ? children in the class.
I wonder how the other 29 remember you...

IamnotSethRogan · 26/04/2025 11:26

It sounds a lot like you may have traumatised a group of small children. I understand it's in your past, and you've moved on but that sounds absolutely awful, and that's from your perspective. She's providing your husband with the care he needs and it does't sound like she would have confronted you about it. Had you not have bought it up. You really can't blame her for being a but off with you.

I think the issue is you put this behind you and thought you'd gotten away from it however, understandably you don't like this reminder of how you behaved. I think you should just let the women get on with her job.

LookingAtMyBhunas · 26/04/2025 11:22

This can't be real.

Smallmercies · 26/04/2025 11:21

Apologise. Nicely. Sincerely. Without reservation.

TheZippyBlueCat · 26/04/2025 11:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 11:17

mynameiscalypso · 25/04/2025 23:21

What are you complaining about? Sounds like she has a valid reason not to want anything to do with you. She’s acting as a professional by not letting it influence her care of your husband - which you admit you have no issues with.

She’s acting as a professional by not letting it influence her care of your husband

Yes, exactly this, she sounds professional and good at her job and doesn't need complaining about.

SilviaSnuffleBum · 26/04/2025 11:17

Whooowhooohoo · 26/04/2025 10:49

Request another physio … she should have done this because professionally she has conflicts.

request another & say “she was a pupil of mine X years ago, she told me she has negative feelings about me. She cannot treat me with this conflict.”

The only thing physio did wrong is accept u as a patient - should have said she has conflict due to prior relationship,

She's treating OP's husband, not OP.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 11:16

You say yourself she's taking great care of your DH, so doing a good job.
So no, you shouldn't complain.
It's you she's got a problem with, and from what you've said there's no wonder why!
Things like a teacher throwing desks across a room is going to stay with the pupils as they were so small.

Createausernameplease · 26/04/2025 11:16

You asked someone what her issue was, then when you found out she was a victim of your abuse your instinct is to get riled up? Do you still have anger issues??

Guarantee OP won’t be back

UriahHeepsWriggleRoom · 26/04/2025 11:14

i doubt you’re the terrible person people here are gleefully making out. Everyone loves a pile on and we all feel so good about ourselves, perfect as we are 🙄

So naive. Do you think everyone out there grows up emotionally and takes responsibility for their actions?? This response closes down opportunities for reflection and for the OP to (hopefully) develop some much needed insight. YABU does not equal 'I don't take account for my own actions'.

The defences in this post. & the shame projection (onto the physio)? 'I am not one to let this go unnoticed' - yes I bet you aren't. but when others signal their right to their legitimate feelings this has to be denied to make you feel better?

It's never too late to grow up OP.

Motheroffive999 · 26/04/2025 11:14

How long ago was it ok to smack a child ?
She still has to be professional but I think had she recognised you then she should have refused to treat your husband and explain why to her employer.

Floatlikeafeather2 · 26/04/2025 11:13

If I had behaved as appallingly as you have in the past, I would think myself lucky anyone was willing to talk to me, let alone expect someone who had witnessed it all to do so. Your blasé tone when talking about it (indeed, even excusing your behaviour) shows that you really don't know anything about people at all or how to conduct yourself normally, so you are unbelievably hypocritical to even question her behaviour towards you, which does, at least, have an explanation. All that aside, the physio is there to help your husband. She is not obliged to have any kind of relationship with you. In fact, when she needs to work with your husband, the polite thing to do would be to go and have a walk, a drink or otherwise absent yourself for the length of the session. But that depends on you knowing what polite behaviour is, and I suspect you haven't got a clue. You are lucky that she is able to ignore you and be courteous to your husband. She probably feels very sorry for him. Hospitals need people like you like a hole in the head. Don't waste their resources. Does your husband even know about your past?

FixTheBone · 26/04/2025 11:10

You abused children. And left them with lifelong trauma.

Anyone with an ounce of decency who hadn't already realised before this incident would have immediately apologised and gone home to reflect on how and why they managed to inflict so much damage of a group of 20 odd children in just 2 school terms....

Im honestly flabberghasted that its taken 40 years for this to catch up with you.

Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2025 11:05

A teacher smacked me on the bum mid 70's.
My Mum went crazy but everyone else seemed to think it wasn't a big deal.
I can still remember it now as I was very upset and it was a one off by a Teacher I liked so I can only imagine how traumatised this poor woman must be.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 26/04/2025 11:00

Pollypocket81 · 26/04/2025 10:21

I also struggle to believe that this is real.
If it is indeed real - you mention that noone made a complaint against you, maybe you have just been lucky. Certainly these days you would not only have been dismissed, but had civil and criminal proceedings against you. And who knows, maybe it could still happen....

There was a lot of smacking in those days.

70sShmeventies · 26/04/2025 10:59

HansHolbein · 25/04/2025 23:25

You reap what you sow.

This.

I’d be too ashamed to complain.

Dagnabit · 26/04/2025 10:57

Wow. Did you beat your own children too? I was at school during that time and never saw a teacher hit a child or thrown a desk across the room. I would be embarrassed and mortified if a former student brought this up. If I were you, I’d keep my head down and be grateful I wasn’t being reported for abuse.