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Original poster

AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

491 replies

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

OP posts:
PhilippaGeorgiou · 26/04/2025 12:44

You want to complain about her unprofesssional treatment? You acted in contravention of the law, you abused and bullied children to the extent that the impact is still felt many years later, and you think you have something to complain about? In your shoes, which I would never be, I would be keeping my head down - she could, and has every right to, out you!

viques · 26/04/2025 12:41

I was teaching in the eighties, and no, it was not common practise to hit children.

Can’t believe you never realised during your training that teaching wasn’t the job for you, or maybe you did and didn’t think it mattered that you were incapable since you were probably not going to be teaching nice children in a nice school where you would encounter parents who made a fuss.. Sorry, but you don’t sound like a very pleasant person.

This woman has treated your husband well, I am not sure why you think she needs to have any sort of a relationship with you. I think having seen you after so many years there must be something in your attitude that triggered her recognition of you.

Thehop · 26/04/2025 12:41

You could try apologising for being an abusive bully that ruined childrens school experience

Condensedmilkdrinker · 26/04/2025 12:38

You are in the wrong OP

Americano75 · 26/04/2025 12:35

LushLemonTart · 26/04/2025 12:31

Over 50 for me.

Show quote history

I was far from alone, but even now I wonder what I did to make her hate me so much.

LushLemonTart · 26/04/2025 12:34

I actually think the OP is a load of tosh. Probably for DM.
It's probably triggering for some. Hasn't me because I was abused twice by teachers and my DM went in to complain. One was a perv. More should have been done about him.
Oh and we had blackboard rubbers and chalk thrown at us. But that wasn't isolated.

Dunnocantthinkofone · 26/04/2025 12:34

You are coming across as seeing yourself a victim but you are not.
The fact that you saw the error of your ways and retrained to a more suitable career does not mitigate the experiences of those children unfortunate enough to come under your care during those months.
You scared her as a young child enough that she’s remembered the incidents decades later yet downplay their impact on her.

I hope you apologised once she explained. You have absolutely no right to feel ‘riled up’ or to complain. It sounds like she has professionally carried out her duties and behaved perfectly kindly to your husband, so I’m unsure what you think you can complain about anyway?

In any circumstances, she has the right to dislike you so long as she carries out her job properly. Especially so in the ones here.

LovePeriodProperty · 26/04/2025 12:34

LovePeriodProperty · 26/04/2025 12:25

The Education Act of 1986 brought the ban in and it completely banned in 1987.
Private schools 1998 and in Scotland 2002.

I left school in 1985 and they were still using the slipper and cane then.

It was a particularly appalling case of beating that brought about the change

Show quote history

I remember it well because the boys used to have to line up outside the gym waiting to go in one by one to be canned.
The headmaster would walk through the school with the cane in his hand.
Our school had a central courtyard so everyone could see him coming.

Canning were always at the end of each term….a job lot as it were.

The girls were given the slipper but I have no idea where that was done as no one ever talked about these things. We only know because we saw

In terms of being hit in class that could be for anything at all. Having things thrown across the room at you wasn’t unusual.

I was hit across my bare legs for doing too much homework ( one page extra) when I was 7

LushLemonTart · 26/04/2025 12:31

Americano75 · 26/04/2025 12:25

I am shocked this woman remembers so much

You shouldn't be. It's been 40 years since I had a teacher like you and can remember it all. Should never have been allowed near children.

Over 50 for me.

Menopausalmum43 · 26/04/2025 12:31

You deserve that and more, I ended up with a real school aversion because of a teacher like you. Chucking desks across the room and hurting children is abuse that ou should have resulted in charges being pressed and prison time. You thought you'd got away scott free but no here is a living reminder of the shitty way you treated children in your care. Low point or not you don't get to have any case.
I'd headbutt my violent teacher if I had the chance and I'm not even a violent person by nature.....no you deserve a cold response and more. Keep your trap shut it's the least you could do.

WhatsOpp · 26/04/2025 12:29

IHeartHalloumi · 26/04/2025 11:31

In the late 1980s a teacher hitting kids was definitely not normal and I believe not legal. I was at school then and never saw a teacher hit anyone, threaten or throw items. The physio could make a police complaint about historic child abuse - whether that would be upheld would depend on which country you were in and the dates. Either way you behaved abusively by the standards of the time. Are there really people here who were in primary school in the late 1980s who were hit by their teachers? If you were 11 in 1988 you'd be about 48 now.

I am that age. Boys, 1 in particular was ‘given the slipper’ fairly regularly. Sometimes teachers put a dot of chalk on the board and made people stand with their nose on it. Those wooden chalk rubbers were thrown and people would leave class with chalk marks on their jumpers.

No parents were complaining about it to my knowledge. Mine didn’t although I was never caned or had the slipper.

I remember when the law changed and there being a ‘you can’t hit us now’ thing at school.

In secondary school, when it was definitely illegal, there was more than 1 incident that would be considered assault now. Catholic school and girl had a hair do deemed inappropriate (hairspray gel etc.). Older female teacher forcibly washed her hair.

That’s great you didn’t experience it. It absolutely happened in the 80’s.

Americano75 · 26/04/2025 12:25

I am shocked this woman remembers so much

You shouldn't be. It's been 40 years since I had a teacher like you and can remember it all. Should never have been allowed near children.

LovePeriodProperty · 26/04/2025 12:25

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 11:57

I've just had to Google that as I was sure it was 1982 that corporal punishment was banned in the UK.
Seems we're both right as even though there was a case for banning corporal punishment in schools back then, it was complicated and caning could still technically happen up until 1986.
It definitely wasn't the norm when I was at school in the mid 80s. Maybe some schools still did, but it wasn't normal for all of us.

Show quote history

The Education Act of 1986 brought the ban in and it completely banned in 1987.
Private schools 1998 and in Scotland 2002.

I left school in 1985 and they were still using the slipper and cane then.

It was a particularly appalling case of beating that brought about the change

maxybrown · 26/04/2025 12:18

I am so utterly shocked by your post. So shocked I can't believe it's true....OR is this is a reverse? Are you the physiotherapist?

If it's true....blimey. Seems like you haven't learnt a thing. I do think you will be really lucky that she doesn't complain about you. How much you affected these children for her to have carried it forward like that. I would have been 10/11 about that time and certainly nobody got smacked in my school then, so not much older than her. Also you justifying what you did. Mind blowing.

Most people would have been mortified and apologised profusely there and then and been so shocked even with themselves... But no, here you are being even more irate because she showed you a mirror!

Wow, just wow

adviceneeded1990 · 26/04/2025 12:17

I’m a teacher, I know how hard it is and I respect you for realising it wasn’t for you and getting out before doing anymore damage, but this woman clearly has strong feelings about what happened back then, and what happened was that you exposed her to child abuse. You need to apologise sincerely and perhaps explain the steps you’ve taken since then to remedy your conduct - I’m assuming you’ve had anger management, counselling etc? Letting a primary school aged child rile your emotions to the point where you are physically abusive is not normal and her feelings are valid. It says a lot for her own professionalism and emotional regulation that she is able to treat your DH well.

AnnaFrith · 26/04/2025 12:16

Trallers · 25/04/2025 23:30

Oh wow. Obviously you had an awful time in teaching and did the right thing to.leave, but I don't think you can downplay the effect that your struggling self had on those students.

Personally, I would thank her for being so honest and apologise for what was clearly a dreadful time had at your hands. I think I'd mention that you left teaching after that as you realised you weren't coping. Then I'd thank her for not letting your past behaviour towards her affect the quality of care she gives your husband and reassure her that you will give her the space to continue to do her job well.

I wouldn't even consider complaining.

This.

Iloveeastereggs2020 · 26/04/2025 12:16

You need to ask to speak to her again and apologise for your behaviour. You have no grounds to complain about her.

LovePeriodProperty · 26/04/2025 12:15

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 11:33

I was thinking that, I was a kid in school in the mid to late 80s (UK) and it definitely wasn't normal for teachers to smack kids or throw desks.

Show quote history

so was I and our headmaster used to line boys up in the gym so he could get a good run at it with the cane.
Girls were given the slipper
I was hit for forgetting something as simple as forgetting where my coat peg was.

This is how we grew up
A world away from todays isolation rooms and talking it through

Hastentoadd · 26/04/2025 12:08

BassesAreBest · 25/04/2025 23:25

I can’t believe you insisted on a private word with her when she isn’t even treating you!

If she is giving your husband appropriate care then that’s all that matters.

If she is giving your husband appropriate care then that’s all that matters

Exactly
Does the OP really need to interact with her at all

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 26/04/2025 12:08

You physically and mentally abused children, which she was forced to endure , it’s no wonder she is being by curt with you!

You deserve her curtness rather than making excuses, apologise for your unprofessional conduct and abusive actions!

BobbyBiscuits · 26/04/2025 12:03

I don't think you should make a complaint about her. She's saying she witnessed you assaulting a few children, and shouting at her and throwing furniture. You do not deny doing this.

So tbh she's got every right to tell you how it upset her. She hasn't let it affect your husband's care. She just has a personal issue with you because of your past behaviour.

If you were to complain I'd say it could paint you in a very poor light. If you are admitting to beating children, which you knew was illegal.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 11:59

NovaF · 26/04/2025 11:45

Fingers crossed the class band together to make a complaint against her! In what world can she excuse throwing a nine year old across a desk and hitting children?! When I was at school and we had a strict teacher we would shut up and behave. Strict meaning tell us off not smacking us! I bet it did not take much for her to overreact and do that. Also, 26 is not that young, more than old enough to know you can’t use violence to get a point across

Show quote history

Sorry, but think you need to read again - it says she threw a desk across a room, not a 9 year old!!

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 11:57

LovePeriodProperty · 26/04/2025 03:34

Caning etc wasn’t banned till 1986 and didn’t come fully in til 1987
In private schools it was 1998 in England and Wales and slightly later in Scotland and NI.
I was at school till 1985 and it was definitely allowed

So I’m afraid this post is incorrect.
It was allowed and was considered at the time a normal punishment.

I know those who never went to school in this period will be shocked by that but it was just the way things were done then. It’s not considered right now and was stopped as it should have been but we can hardly condemn OP for basically carrying out her job like other teachers did.

OP
Id just forget about this discussion and move on. It doesn’t sound like she’s being unprofessional to your dh so it’s not a matter I’d bring up again.

Edited
Show quote history

I've just had to Google that as I was sure it was 1982 that corporal punishment was banned in the UK.
Seems we're both right as even though there was a case for banning corporal punishment in schools back then, it was complicated and caning could still technically happen up until 1986.
It definitely wasn't the norm when I was at school in the mid 80s. Maybe some schools still did, but it wasn't normal for all of us.

NovaF · 26/04/2025 11:45

IHeartHalloumi · 26/04/2025 11:31

In the late 1980s a teacher hitting kids was definitely not normal and I believe not legal. I was at school then and never saw a teacher hit anyone, threaten or throw items. The physio could make a police complaint about historic child abuse - whether that would be upheld would depend on which country you were in and the dates. Either way you behaved abusively by the standards of the time. Are there really people here who were in primary school in the late 1980s who were hit by their teachers? If you were 11 in 1988 you'd be about 48 now.

Fingers crossed the class band together to make a complaint against her! In what world can she excuse throwing a nine year old across a desk and hitting children?! When I was at school and we had a strict teacher we would shut up and behave. Strict meaning tell us off not smacking us! I bet it did not take much for her to overreact and do that. Also, 26 is not that young, more than old enough to know you can’t use violence to get a point across

NovaF · 26/04/2025 11:41

No you shouldnot make a complaint because she is treating your husband well.

Any normal person would feel ashamed and embarrassed by their behaviour, you have not taken any responsibility for your own. You clamin she must have exaggerated but then admit to throwing a child across a desk. She has no reason to exaggerate, she obviously remembers clearly. You sound like a vindictive, spiteful person. Instead of apologising to her you wish to make a complaint. Pathetic. I sincerely hope you did not have children of your own if this is how you treated other peoples.