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AIBU?

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AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

491 replies

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

OP posts:
MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 18:56

halfshutknife · 26/04/2025 18:19

Communicate effectively and appropriately. You must be polite and considerate. This is set out by hcpc. If she felt unable to do that to a carer then she shouldn’t be treating the patient.

The physiotherapist is being polite and considerate to her patient though?
She sounds like she's doing a good job with her DH.
Shouldn't have to extend it to any bully relatives.
Which she didn't anyway, as sounds like she wouldn't have said anything or brought it up if the OP hadn't said anything!

thepariscrimefiles · 26/04/2025 18:52

halfshutknife · 26/04/2025 18:19

Communicate effectively and appropriately. You must be polite and considerate. This is set out by hcpc. If she felt unable to do that to a carer then she shouldn’t be treating the patient.

Even OP has said that:

'I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him'

She was understandably aloof with OP, but it didn't affect her DH's care in any way. Surely it would not be in her DH's best interests to replace the physiotherapist that he is really happy with.

What OP did as a teacher was against the law. She committed a crime by hitting and abusing the children in her care. The physiotherapist is just trying to navigate a situation where she has come face to face with her abuser. I think she is being remarkably restrained.

halfshutknife · 26/04/2025 18:19

BlondiePortz · 26/04/2025 04:33

As i understand it there is no questions around the care just the op's sensitivities around owning up to what they have done

Communicate effectively and appropriately. You must be polite and considerate. This is set out by hcpc. If she felt unable to do that to a carer then she shouldn’t be treating the patient.

Menopausalmum43 · 26/04/2025 18:15

I hope OP falls face first in a pile of dog shit.

Maddy70 · 26/04/2025 16:51

Jesus ... You've mentally scared a child and you expect her to be friendly to you?

As long as she's being professional with your husband you have no axe to grind

I'm also a teacher I know how utterly stressful it is but I have never treated children that way you were unprofessional and complaining about someone that isn't "friendly"
Wow

cherrymaoam · 26/04/2025 16:50

You never had a single complaint raised against you for hitting children and throwing a desk across a room in anger. But you want to raise a complaint against her for being “aloof”? Get real!

Shufflebumnessie · 26/04/2025 16:42

You would be extremely unreasonable to complain about her. In your own words, you've said she is professional & personable with your DH, who is her patient. Professionally she is doing nothing wrong.

The fact that she recognised & remembered you all these years later, shows just how deeply your extremely volatile & abusive behaviour was impressed on her young mind.
You state that you are wondering if her recollection has been exaggerated. However, in reality this is just your way of trying to manipulate the narrative in bid to absolve yourself of any responsibility for your reprehensible behaviour towards children.

Instead of contemplating putting in a complaint about her (something she never had the luxury of doing against your bullying & abusive actions), you should have taken the opportunity to take responsibility for your past behaviour and apologise profusely.
Next time you see her, do the right thing!

cumbriaisbest · 26/04/2025 16:36

I worked in a school where it was like the film Kes. Staff pinning pupils up against walls, screaming in their faces and so on. The cane, the strap.

None of it was right but it was a different world.

Gustavo77 · 26/04/2025 16:34

I don't blame her in the slightest, what you did was inexcusable no matter much you try to justify it and make excuses! She remembers and you "only" shouted at her, goodness knows how the other children who were physically assaulted by you feel.

I was at school during the time you're talking of. Never was smacking allowed, never mind throwing furniture. The police should have been called and you should have been charged.

I hope if you do report her, it opens up a can of works, your victims come forward and you are brought to justice. Your behaviour was despicable, you show a complete lack of empathy, you take no accountability for your actions and you have a cheek to blame her for being cool towards you. You're some piece of work!!

Gustavo77 · 26/04/2025 16:32

Katemax82 · 25/04/2025 23:17

I had a teacher in the early 90s who utterly humiliated me in front of the whole class when I was 10. If I ever had the pleasure of bumping into her again I would do much worse than be aloof

.Apologies I didn't mean to quote you, my thunder thumbs pressed the wrong button 🥴

LovePeriodProperty · 26/04/2025 16:19

RosesAndHellebores · 26/04/2025 14:43

I was born in 1960 and smacking was exceedingly rare and involved the intervention of the Head Teacher. If a teacher had thrown a desk I have no doubt that they would have been dismissed. Even then.

I was born in 1966
i wish I went to your school

LSmiff · 26/04/2025 16:16

Our teachers used to beat the shit out of us & call us bastards … Imagine calling a kid a bastard now! If it’s true the OP’s admitted what they did, when not many would. Teaching has to be the worst job in the world. How many teachers have been beaten up on a daily basis, & some have been raped by these kids? Abuse my arse! Let it go OP.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 26/04/2025 16:15

I’ve never forgiven a teacher who bullied me when I was 12, back in the 90s. And it really was bullying. I was beaten at home and a very quiet and submissive child. I’m a teacher myself and I have never made a child feel fear or humiliation. You should be rather more ashamed of yourself than you seem to be.

Overtheatlantic · 26/04/2025 16:14

So you’re still a bully.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 26/04/2025 16:14

Jesus Christ!
I really hope you're a troll, because otherwise I have to believe that you are real and totally lacking in self-awareness, empathy and shame.

I'd say even if the poster of this thread is a troll they need to seek some kind of help.
What a thing to make up.

WeHaveTheRabbit · 26/04/2025 16:12

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 26/04/2025 15:08

I did so hours ago. I suspect the OP will not return because of the nature of the responses.

I also suspect the OP won't return but I imagine for other reasons (not due to the responses).

SalfordQuays · 26/04/2025 16:11

tsmainsqueeze · 26/04/2025 14:39

I agree.
Why would it not be real ?
There are plenty of people in this world with a sense of entitlement alongside a total lack of self awareness.

@tsmainsqueeze it may be real, but if it isn’t, I’d like MN to know about it so they can delete it before it upsets more people. Of course if it’s genuine, then as depressing as it is, it needs to stay. MN admin make the final decision.

SalfordQuays · 26/04/2025 16:09

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 14:14

Why?
You don't know it's not real.
So annoying for those of us who have invested time in responding to posts to just have them disappear because someone's troll hunting.

@MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance I think you misunderstand reporting. Posts don’t get deleted because people question their veracity. People report posts that they suspect may not be genuine, then MN admin look into it, and if they find it’s dodgy, or a PBP, then they delete it. If MN have no concerns, the thread stays. So simply reporting a thread doesn’t get it deleted.

Leafy3 · 26/04/2025 15:57

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/04/2025 14:49

Jesus Christ!

I really hope you're a troll, because otherwise I have to believe that you are real and totally lacking in self-awareness, empathy and shame.

You physically assaulted 9-10 year-olds when you were in a position of authority over them, and you're the sort of person who scolds a physio for being 'aloof'. You haven't changed from the 26 year-old you, have you?

You're "shocked this woman remembers so much"? Really? Your behaviour undoubtedly shocked child-her. It shocks adult-me.

"I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it" - no you don't, you remember doing what she described you doing. What you are wondering is how you can minimise acknowledging how awfully you treated children, and how you can pretend your behaviour didn't affect these children-now-adults.

"I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further."
You haven't changed one bit, have you? What this conversation (not altercation) SHOULD have prompted was a bit of self-reflection, some dismay, shame, maybe a heartfelt apology to this woman. But no, being told of how your behaviour affected her riled you.

"I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?"
Oh don't be so melodramatic! In forty-ish years you've never had to face up to yourself, you're hardly a hostage. Reflect on your past. Admit your wrongdoings - to yourself as well as her, by the sound of it.

"Held hostage" indeed. I wonder if the op feels this way anytime she experiences consequences?

The victim blaming in her post riled me.

TheignT · 26/04/2025 15:29

You physically assaulted children and you think she is the one who should be complained about? Historic abuse springs to mind.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 26/04/2025 15:08

WeHaveTheRabbit · 26/04/2025 14:57

If people have suspicions about a thread, the advice from MNHQ is to report. Nothing wrong with doing that at all.

I did so hours ago. I suspect the OP will not return because of the nature of the responses.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/04/2025 14:58

You absolutely mustn't let this go.

Please do report that you physically abused small children in school when it was illegal to do so and you're angry that somebody remembers your criminal acts. I'm sure the physio will happily give evidence and be able to find other ex-victims of your abuse who can corroborate your admission.

I'm sure we'll all enjoy reading about the prosecution for your crimes against little children.

WeHaveTheRabbit · 26/04/2025 14:57

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 14:14

Why?
You don't know it's not real.
So annoying for those of us who have invested time in responding to posts to just have them disappear because someone's troll hunting.

If people have suspicions about a thread, the advice from MNHQ is to report. Nothing wrong with doing that at all.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/04/2025 14:49

Jesus Christ!

I really hope you're a troll, because otherwise I have to believe that you are real and totally lacking in self-awareness, empathy and shame.

You physically assaulted 9-10 year-olds when you were in a position of authority over them, and you're the sort of person who scolds a physio for being 'aloof'. You haven't changed from the 26 year-old you, have you?

You're "shocked this woman remembers so much"? Really? Your behaviour undoubtedly shocked child-her. It shocks adult-me.

"I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it" - no you don't, you remember doing what she described you doing. What you are wondering is how you can minimise acknowledging how awfully you treated children, and how you can pretend your behaviour didn't affect these children-now-adults.

"I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further."
You haven't changed one bit, have you? What this conversation (not altercation) SHOULD have prompted was a bit of self-reflection, some dismay, shame, maybe a heartfelt apology to this woman. But no, being told of how your behaviour affected her riled you.

"I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?"
Oh don't be so melodramatic! In forty-ish years you've never had to face up to yourself, you're hardly a hostage. Reflect on your past. Admit your wrongdoings - to yourself as well as her, by the sound of it.

ladyofshertonabbas · 26/04/2025 14:48

Are you for real? A sincere apology and an acknowledgment of your actions towards pupils is in order. But you don’t actually sound sorry, so…