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AIBU?

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AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

491 replies

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

OP posts:
AthWat · 26/04/2025 01:18

SixtySomething · 26/04/2025 01:05

You've been very brave , OP, in being so honest and, quite predictably, people have laid into you.
We've all done things we're ashamed of, but few people would be so courageous as to admit it publicly.
I'm sure most new teachers make mistakes they would prefer not to discuss.
I think it was a bit wierd of the physio to be off with you, possibly unprofessional.
All the same, I wouldn't put in complaint.

Are you fucking serious? What the fuck is courageous about moaning that the victim of your behaviour is being "aloof" to you and wondering if you can get them in trouble at work for it?

What's wrong with you? Seriously? I can almost guarantee if the physiotherapist had posted you'd be saying how awful the teacher was. You just can't see further than the end of your own nose. The person who first spoke must be right. Jesus.

EnhancedVampireEyeballs · 26/04/2025 01:15

EmeraldShamrock000 · 26/04/2025 01:08

Don't complain.
I had a teacher like you in the 80's, absolutely disgraceful.

I had teachers like the OP in the late 90s and early 00s. Including one who threw a desk across the room. I was in a serious state of panic and fear every day.

LadyMinerva · 26/04/2025 01:15

SixtySomething · 26/04/2025 01:05

You've been very brave , OP, in being so honest and, quite predictably, people have laid into you.
We've all done things we're ashamed of, but few people would be so courageous as to admit it publicly.
I'm sure most new teachers make mistakes they would prefer not to discuss.
I think it was a bit wierd of the physio to be off with you, possibly unprofessional.
All the same, I wouldn't put in complaint.

WTF? It's weird that the abused was 'a bit off' with the abuser? You have earned yourself a 🍩

CordialVsSquash · 26/04/2025 01:12

Frostgiant · 25/04/2025 23:26

You physically abused children in your care and you think she is unprofessional for being ‘aloof’? Alrighty then.

This.
Have you lost your mind? @Toooldforallthisnow

Blackpuddings · 26/04/2025 01:11

Wow you don’t show any remorse or Shane for what you did not any understanding of her reticence towards you. Just wow.

user1473878824 · 26/04/2025 01:10

she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room

YOU want to complain about HER?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 26/04/2025 01:08

Don't complain.
I had a teacher like you in the 80's, absolutely disgraceful.

butterfly1234 · 26/04/2025 01:05

This is the most unreasonable AIBU I've ever read on here!

SixtySomething · 26/04/2025 01:05

You've been very brave , OP, in being so honest and, quite predictably, people have laid into you.
We've all done things we're ashamed of, but few people would be so courageous as to admit it publicly.
I'm sure most new teachers make mistakes they would prefer not to discuss.
I think it was a bit wierd of the physio to be off with you, possibly unprofessional.
All the same, I wouldn't put in complaint.

Deebee90 · 26/04/2025 01:03

Thank god you left teaching, absolutely vile what you did. I’d treat you the same. Karma is what it is and it always come back to you

Thedogscollar · 26/04/2025 01:02

@Toooldforallthisnow
You won't reply will you?
Why post this?
Attention seeking.

Azandme · 26/04/2025 01:01

"...this is not professional behaviour in this day and age"

You have some audacity to be questioning her professional behaviour. You assaulted CHILDREN when you had a professional role.

And you want to complain that she isn't nice to you?

As a teacher and a parent there is NO excuse for what you, an adult, did in that classroom, no matter what some others were doing. Corporal punishment had been banned, it was illegal, but you hit them anyway. She is being 100% professional, and, frankly, treating you far better than you deserve.

The ARROGANCE of your post astounds me. You DAMAGED those children, including her, to the point where she still remembers, very clearly, years on.

Shame on you. Apologise to her, then leave her the hell alone.

If you complain the rest of the staff will know you assaulted little children - will you then complain about how THEY subsequently become "aloof"?

Welshwabbit · 26/04/2025 01:00

I was 9 or 10 in the late 80s. I only remember one teacher smacking a child and we were all shocked. I guarantee every child in the class remembers it to this day. It was neither normal nor OK.

GustyBaloo · 26/04/2025 00:55

My schooling occurred throughout the 80s. I don't recall any smacking or desk throwing.

You physically abused children. You are a child abuser.

Nobody gives a shit whether you were cut out to be a teacher or not and your self pitying attitude is quite frankly disgusting.

Make the complaint. I hope the patients wife can get together enough pupils to prosecute you with regards to historical physical abuse.

WinterMorn · 26/04/2025 00:55

redcord · 26/04/2025 00:25

Wow. That's quite the story, OP. Thanks for sharing.

I have read some corkers on MN before, but this takes the biscuit. You need to take a long, hard look at yourself OP. You have a lot of reflection to do.

MabelBayleylivesinWigan · 26/04/2025 00:54

And the award for the best short story goes to………….

SD1978 · 26/04/2025 00:52

You verbally and physically assaulted children- whilst claiming it’s because you were ‘young’ you were 26- a grown woman. She remember this and is uncomfortable around whilst giving your husband and professional care. You want to complain- if I was her I’d request you weren’t allowed in the unit whilst she was doing her role. She explained- you are being highly unreasonable not to acknowledge the affect you have on her whilst she was a child.

DreamTheMoors · 26/04/2025 00:50

My mum started teaching in the late ‘60s.

SHE NEVER STRUCK A CHILD.
SHE NEVER THREW A DESK.
SHE NEVER INTIMIDATED A CHILD.

It sounds like you desperately needed psychological support during that time.
If this young woman is acting chilly towards you, it sounds as though she has good reason - she isn’t harming your husband (you said so yourself).
Your grounds for “reporting her” fall apart for that very reason - she’s there for your husband; she isn’t there for you.
But it’s self-centered of you to think so.
Go sit in the waiting room while she’s there - that’s a win for you AND a win for her, certainly.

Richiewoo · 26/04/2025 00:50

Stop being ridiculous. I was at primary school in the late 80s. Smacking kids wasn't permitted.

nocoolnamesleft · 26/04/2025 00:44

Let us be quite clear. She is the victim in this, not you. You traumatised her, and the rest of the class of children. When you were already an adult. And now, years later, you want to fuck up her job because she isn't kissing your abusive feet? You were awful to here, and yet even you have to concede she is providing excellent care to your husband. Apologise to her, then butt out.

LadyMinerva · 26/04/2025 00:43

She still clearly remembers you. That shows how much trauma she carries from your abuse towards those young children in such a short time.

You need to do some self reflection and realise just what you've done. And when you mean it, you need to apologise.

And stay out of her way in her place of employment where she is gracious enough to still treat your DH with kindness and not hand him to someone else due to a conflict of interest or treat him the way you treated her.

KrisAkabusi · 26/04/2025 00:41

I hope this isn't real, because if it is, you are completely lacking in self-awareness. For the record, you have no grounds to complain. And you're a horrible person to even consider it.

Quicksilver15 · 26/04/2025 00:40

Is this story even real? It just sounds unbelievable in the sense that someone who abused children would essentially complain about one of the witnesses to this behaviour, and they are only be curt at this point in time.

CountryMumof4 · 26/04/2025 00:37

AthWat · 26/04/2025 00:31

Of course it's not the case, she wants to complain about someone not being nice enough to her because they remember it! How could it possibly be the case???

Edited

If I'm honest, I don't actually think this is the case. I was merely responding to the singular poster who was trying to defend the OP. I'd like to think that the OP does have some guilt, but as you say it doesn't sound it from her singular post. And if you read my first post, you'll see my position on the whole situation.

Bowies · 26/04/2025 00:37

Well at least you got out of teaching quickly, but obviously the experience must have been extremely traumatic for her.

Being smacked by a teacher and witnessing angry behaviour and actions against other children is extremely frightening.

She’s likely younger than me but those memories don’t go away and are quite vivid.

You are not her patient and she’s been amazing to your husband. You have absolutely nothing to complain about.

The best you can do is apologise and say you got out after 8 months because you realised you were totally unsuitable - then stay out of her way.