Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

491 replies

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

OP posts:
LovePeriodProperty · 26/04/2025 04:22

steff13 · 26/04/2025 04:15

The original post says it was not allowed, but she did it anyway.

Show quote history

Ok thanks for correcting me there
I didn’t pick up on that tbh.

Im just aware it was still allowed up until 1987, I didn’t pick up that it wasn’t ‘technically allowed ‘ at her school or maybe because it was after the ban.

steff13 · 26/04/2025 04:15

LovePeriodProperty · 26/04/2025 03:37

It was a form of punishment allowed at the time.
Surely you know this as you’ve made a comment

Show quote history

The original post says it was not allowed, but she did it anyway.

Yellowsunbeams · 26/04/2025 04:15

I'm not sure you're in a position to make any claims about a lack of professional standards. I find your lack of shame quite troubling.

MrsEverest · 26/04/2025 04:12

She's treating your husband well? I wouldn't even have spoken to her, you will have come across as unhinged.

The rant that follows here suggests you may be.

Leave it alone and be glad nobody has complained about you.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 26/04/2025 04:02

As a health professional I have come across teachers from my school years, which were in the 80’s. it has been a pleasure to give back to them. However, I did have some abusive teachers. I would avoid working with them if the situation arose.

I think that teachers who are abusive should be mindful that the children they treat poorly may be the ones caring for them in their old age.

Heidi2018 · 26/04/2025 04:00

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it

I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools

But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

These statements are why I think people have piled on you. You have admitted to everything but have quite frankly taken little accountability. OK, well done. You quickly realised teaching wasn't for you and changed career. Great. But for 8 months, your behaviour has left a lasting memory in at least one person's mind.

The fact you mention no complaint was lodged against for physical abuse in the 80s when parents were largely of the opinion that the teacher is always right, yet you want to lodge a complaint against someone who you say is doing a good job but is "somewhat aloof" toward a person that's not even her patient is absolutely wild!

People can diminish it and say "ah well I remember the same happening in my school". You've no idea what effect your actions have had on the people you taught for 8 months.

Everybodysinthehousetonight · 26/04/2025 03:53

No sympathy here. I was bullied by a teacher in the late 80"s early 90"s and can remember all of it.

You deserve everything you get, you sound like an horrendous person.

I cannot believe you :had a word' with a professional treating your husband because you didn't like the way she spoke to you, unbelievable!!

Cunt.

McSpoot · 26/04/2025 03:45

LovePeriodProperty · 26/04/2025 03:37

It was a form of punishment allowed at the time.
Surely you know this as you’ve made a comment

Show quote history

The OP herself said that it wasn't allowed. I guess you know more about the rules in place in her school at the time than she does?

LovePeriodProperty · 26/04/2025 03:45

scotstars · 26/04/2025 02:04

Any new teacher making this 'mistake' would be struck off and prosecuted

Show quote history

These days perhaps as it’s now against the law. Not in those days though.

LovePeriodProperty · 26/04/2025 03:43

I’m amazed at all the comments OP

Unfortunately we all remember the teachers we loved and I’m afraid also those that hit us too.

My first day at school I was hit for forgetting where my coat peg was.
This sort of thing Is just not something we forget but you were basically carrying out what was considered normal punishment at the time. That’s how I see it now and have done for a very long time.

I wouldn’t get upset by comments here I think most posters are younger and can’t see how things have changed so much.

LovePeriodProperty · 26/04/2025 03:37

helloquitty · 25/04/2025 23:24

You smacked children ?

It was a form of punishment allowed at the time.
Surely you know this as you’ve made a comment

LovePeriodProperty · 26/04/2025 03:34

Keepingthingsinteresting · 25/04/2025 23:34

She’s doing the right thing by your husband, and your behaviour has clearly had a massive, negative impact for her to remember all that time later. You should have apologised to her when she explained, and you certainly need to own the consequences of your behaviour.

I was at school I the 80s, hitting was not allowed and whilst you were clearly unsuited to the career and struggling you have damaged those children and should not be looking to make excuses now. The very least you can do is not make a complaint.

Edited

Caning etc wasn’t banned till 1986 and didn’t come fully in til 1987
In private schools it was 1998 in England and Wales and slightly later in Scotland and NI.
I was at school till 1985 and it was definitely allowed

So I’m afraid this post is incorrect.
It was allowed and was considered at the time a normal punishment.

I know those who never went to school in this period will be shocked by that but it was just the way things were done then. It’s not considered right now and was stopped as it should have been but we can hardly condemn OP for basically carrying out her job like other teachers did.

OP
Id just forget about this discussion and move on. It doesn’t sound like she’s being unprofessional to your dh so it’s not a matter I’d bring up again.

stripedrollerskates · 26/04/2025 03:24

Surely this has to be a reverse.

AmusedGoose · 26/04/2025 02:11

Why are you getting involved anyway. If she comes whilst you're visiting just go for a coffee. You sound entitled and rude yourself. Is she a good physiotherapist? That's all that matters

scotstars · 26/04/2025 02:04

SixtySomething · 26/04/2025 01:05

You've been very brave , OP, in being so honest and, quite predictably, people have laid into you.
We've all done things we're ashamed of, but few people would be so courageous as to admit it publicly.
I'm sure most new teachers make mistakes they would prefer not to discuss.
I think it was a bit wierd of the physio to be off with you, possibly unprofessional.
All the same, I wouldn't put in complaint.

Any new teacher making this 'mistake' would be struck off and prosecuted

scotstars · 26/04/2025 02:00

You were abusive to a group of children and try to minimise it by saying she exaggerated...no that's a traumatised child remembering what you put them through.
Yes YABU to consider complaining what do you expect her to do paint a smile on and forget what you did?

Thedogscollar · 26/04/2025 01:45

SixtySomething · 26/04/2025 01:05

You've been very brave , OP, in being so honest and, quite predictably, people have laid into you.
We've all done things we're ashamed of, but few people would be so courageous as to admit it publicly.
I'm sure most new teachers make mistakes they would prefer not to discuss.
I think it was a bit wierd of the physio to be off with you, possibly unprofessional.
All the same, I wouldn't put in complaint.

OK

  1. The OP is not very brave. She's an abusive ex teacher.
2.Yeah maybe we have all done things we are ashamed of but probably not physical and mental abuse of children. 3.She's not fucking courageous. Infact I'd say the opposite.
  1. The physiotherapist owes her nothing she was not unprofessional or weird as you put it.
  2. Your whole take on the OP is weird.
Thereislightattheendofthetunnel · 26/04/2025 01:43

She is treating your husband well and she is professional towards him. You are not the patient.

This is not about you. In fact, you scarred her for life and she should be the one complaining, not you

Allmychickenscometoroost · 26/04/2025 01:28

Is this actually for real? I cannot believe how lacking in awareness some people are.

SussexLass87 · 26/04/2025 01:27

OakleyAnnie · 26/04/2025 00:01

Your post made me very sad. Lots of people have done things they regret. Sometimes very bad things. You did the right thing and left the profession. You’ve moved on and put the bad times behind you. You said you don’t like to talk about those days. I suspect you feel terrible and have many regrets even if you haven’t said a lot about that here.

i don’t think you should complain. You could apologise to her. Or you could ignore it. Or keep away from the hospital when she’s treating him.

i doubt you’re the terrible person people here are gleefully making out. Everyone loves a pile on and we all feel so good about ourselves, perfect as we are 🙄

wishing you well 💐

Nah, she assaulted children.
She deserves the pile on!

Flamingo68 · 26/04/2025 01:24

There are a lot of posts on here lately that I am sure cannot be genuine. This is one of them. If it is, then yes of course you can make a complaint and her regulating body will investigate whether she has breached standards. I think physios are regulated by the HCPC? However, it also sounds like you are admitting to a crime yourself and will need to speak about that when the investigation occurs, and probably need to be prepared that criminal charges could also be persued if indeed you committed an offence. Professional bodies would I imagine be bound to take action if it comes to their attention that an unreported crime is being disclosed. On that basis, I rather hope you do make a complaint.

LadyWiddiothethird · 26/04/2025 01:23

You must be joking OP! Complain about somebody who you mentally scarred for life.The Physiotherapist is doing her job,treating your husband,she has nothing to do with you.Just butt out.You sound devoid of common sense.

DreamTheMoors · 26/04/2025 01:21

GustyBaloo · 26/04/2025 00:55

My schooling occurred throughout the 80s. I don't recall any smacking or desk throwing.

You physically abused children. You are a child abuser.

Nobody gives a shit whether you were cut out to be a teacher or not and your self pitying attitude is quite frankly disgusting.

Make the complaint. I hope the patients wife can get together enough pupils to prosecute you with regards to historical physical abuse.

Mid-1970s California here.
Most, if not all our teachers had been there for years - we all knew them. our older brothers & sisters had had them. They knew our families.
One year, a very young woman came to town to teach the music dept - what stands out to me is band, I don't know why. Gosh it was 50+ years ago and I don't even remember her name.
But she drove a weird litle car that sloped the same in the front as it did in the back - none of us had ever seen one before.
Anyhow, one day I was sitting in senior English when we heard screaming and yelling and my teacher opened the door to her chasing a student down the main hallway because… I never found out the reaaon. But I knew that kid - he was in the marching band, smart, nice, quiet, wouldn't say shite if he had a mouthful type.
Then my friends started lifting her car up and over a group of benches that formed a square hahaha - so there was no way to drive it out. Of course, no one saw anything.
There were a few more outbursts, a few more incidents, and she waa gone.
I don't remember if she lasted the full school year or not, but she should never have been a teacher with a temperment like that.

PinkyFlamingo · 26/04/2025 01:20

Why on earth are you "shocked" she remembers everything? People don't tend to forget others who bullied them .

McSpoot · 26/04/2025 01:19

SixtySomething · 26/04/2025 01:05

You've been very brave , OP, in being so honest and, quite predictably, people have laid into you.
We've all done things we're ashamed of, but few people would be so courageous as to admit it publicly.
I'm sure most new teachers make mistakes they would prefer not to discuss.
I think it was a bit wierd of the physio to be off with you, possibly unprofessional.
All the same, I wouldn't put in complaint.

Way to minimize what the OP. And play up what the physio is doing.

The reactions would have been very different if the OP had had any sense of shame or remorse. Had apologized to the physio. But, no, she’s playing the victim and wants to complain.