AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

OP in all honesty you sound slightly unhinged. Why would you make a complaint about a physio who is providing your husband with good care, all because she is rude to you, when you admit she has valid reason to be?!

Her rebuttal to any complaint will be ‘she abused me and my classmates when we were little.’ And YOU will come out looking very very bad.

You should apologise, but something about the arrogance of your post tells me you won’t.

Sure, go ahead- if you want a reciprocal complaint made about you by her. Hers will be to the police though, about your historial abuses.

Weighing all things up, I think it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie. Take her comments on the chin, be grateful she is behaving in a professional way towards your husband and he is pleased with the care received. Let it be.

I hope this isn't real, but if it is then she is simply behaving towards you the way your behaviour towards her and her peers has guided. Doesn't matter how long ago it was, it made a lasting impression. I had a teacher in the 90s in year one who shouldn't have been in the profession or should have taught much older children, who was cruel to the class. She'd squeeze the back of necks when physically moving children, shriek if glue got on our hands when using it (6 years old cant avoid often, kept a boy in from play time for a week as he had a speech impediment and pronounced her name slightly wrong. He couldnt help it, but she punished him anyway. I'm now 37 and although not traumatised by this and having led an academically happy life as I loved school, I've never forgotten that teacher.

If what you've written is true then you were far worse, and being in the wrong profession isn't an excuse at all. Nor is the fact that no complaints were raised against you an indicator of your behaviour, as children often endure without speaking up - it was years later I told my parents about how awful my teacher was and they wish they'd known sooner.

If she is professional with her patient then you haven't a leg to stand on, and you are thenone who drew the information from her by confronting her. You can't undo the past and your own behaviour towards small children has been her guide. You have also put your own trauma of eight months in the wrong profession above her trauma as a child enduring eight months of a teacher who smacked, threw a desk! And shrieked at children, which creates stress responses which are hard to forget. The word terrorised comes to mind.

I hope you can use this interaction as a learning moment but your instinct to confront and then complain suggests not.

This.

I think your reaction to her experience when in your care tells you who you are.

Be grateful you have a kind and caring person to look after your DP and give him the care he needs and deserves to recover and get home.

If it's difficult to see her, plan your visits outside of his physio.

I mean, it sounds like you were a terrible teacher. By your own admission you were violent towards the pupils, and whilst it was an 8 month period you’d rather forget - for the pupils it’s clearly sat with them their whole lives.

You admit the physio is doing a good job and meeting your husbands medical needs, but you feel her tone is a little sharp. What exactly do you want from a lady who was a part of the class you abused? She’s hardly going to bend down and kiss your shoes. You could take this moment to reflect, apologise to her for the way things were and be nothing but lovely to her going forward. Instead you want to raise a complaint and try to cause her problems in her work? It suggests you haven’t really changed very much at all.

Interesting nobody raised any complaints about your own behaviour back then. It’s a shame you can’t extend such grace now.

I wouldn't give you the time of day either. You probably traumatised those poor kids.. maybe say SORRY?!

Wow I really hope this is made up, if it isn't then you need to reflect on how you'd feel if as a vulnerable child you'd witnessed violence and anger like this from an adult whose job made them responsible for you. You are very much in the wrong here. Though I almost hope you do complain as I would be fascinated to hear what the response is to you admitting you abused this woman and her classmates as children and therefore she's being 'cold and aloof' - not even directly rude.

What you did was awful. What you did was abusive. She is not exaggerating, even if imagining that makes you feel better. There is no justification for your behaviour (and I say this as someone with extensive safeguarding training). What you describe was far beyond what is acceptable towards children, regardless of whether any complaints were made against you.

You need to stay out of these sessions - you're making his physiotherapist uncomfortable. If you had been my teacher, I wouldn't have been able to be in the same room as you. Responding to you coldly is actually quite a mature approach considering what she witnessed in your classroom.

You've clearly had a lasting impact on the children you taught. What a legacy.

What did I just read? You are upset that someone you abused as a child wasn't warm enough towards you. Not only that but you think that your point of view is sufficiently sympathetic that you might post on the internet and find people who agree with you.

You make excuses for your absolutely shameful behaviour and seem to think that realising you weren't suited it it AFTER you threw a desk at a child is fine.

All that is going to happen if you make a complaint is that her colleagues will find out about your appalling behaviour and sympathise with her.

The absolute irony of you failing to be professional as a teacher (to the point where you would have been rightly put in prison if it happened today) and then complaining because someone is a bit aloof with you is absolutely mind-boggling.

The world sometimes reflects back to you what you put out in it! The physio should actually complain about you, leave her alone whilst she does her job. You sound like a delight!

You sound horrible. The reason there were no complaints against you back then is because parents didn’t complain as much back then, that’s how abuse in some forms was covered up. You wouldn’t get away with it today. Smacking children and throwing a desk across a room is horrendous behaviour.

Sounds like you haven’t changed much either. I’d say well done to your DH’s doctor, why should she be cordial to you, you’re not her patient, to her you’re an abusive person.

I’d apologise to her and take some time to reflect. She’s looking after your husband well… surely that's the main thing and your ego can handle a little curtness from her given your behavior?

I think you’ve caused her enough harm. Just leave her alone and home that seeing you again hasn’t caused her too much distress.

You are awful

This can’t be real but if it is, it doesn’t seem to have occurred to you that your short stint in teaching scarred some children for life. You lack insight into the impact you have had on those young lives and frankly should just keep your mouth shut. As if you’ve not already caused enough emotional damage, now you want to jeopardise her job?

Personally, I would thank her for being so honest and apologise for what was clearly a dreadful time had at your hands. I think I'd mention that you left teaching after that as you realised you weren't coping. Then I'd thank her for not letting your past behaviour towards her affect the quality of care she gives your husband and reassure her that you will give her the space to continue to do her job well.

I think @Trallers advice here is spot on. I know you have put it behind you and moved on with your life, but the impact of those months on those children shouldn't be downplayed. You were a terrible teacher.

Well, your behaviour was literally criminal and it sounds like there are multiple witnesses to it, at least one of whom remembers matters very clearly.

By contrast, her behaviour is barely, if at all, unprofessional.

I would look those facts square in the face and consider on that basis whether a) you really want to open that can of worms; and b) provoke someone who could legitimately make what sounds like a pretty convincing criminal complaint against you (all for the sake of your extremely misplaced sense of pride and grievance.)

I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?
It's good that you feel able to admit to what you did, and clearly you know it wasn't right. What you've not taken on is that someone you actively harmed is allowed to still dislike you decades later. You didn't even apologise, yet you expect her automatic forgiveness and for her to forget; both those things are unrealistic. She doesn't need to forgive you even if you apologise, that isn't how it works.

You've probably had a rough set of comments, I didn't look. I'll give you some advice though. Write her a letter to apologise for the harm caused, let her know you understand she need not forgive you and you'll hang back in any appointments. Then leave it alone.

This is absolutely unhinged!

You abused a classroom of 9/10 year olds badly enough that "one of the lucky ones" still feels the effects of it nearly 40 years later and now you want to make a complaint about her?

If I were you, I'd be moving through life with a little more grace. Stop accosting people for the perceived abruptness and accept that you've been lucky in life.

As a side, youth is not an excuse for child abuse. Not liking your job is not an excuse for child abuse. There is no excuse for child abuse.

Instead of putting effort into raising a complaint, maybe you should seek out the children who you impacted and apologise. You've got to be knocking on 70 - get your karma balanced.

Not perfect, just not a child abuser.

What “bat shit mental behaviour “ are you describing that would warrant an adult to lay hands on a child in a class room?

Sorry, WHAT?

You poor little lamb being pushed to violence by someone who has existed on this earth less than a decade.

Fucking hell. This one can’t be real.

Assuming this is true……

good luck with your formal complaint. In my role as an nhs nurse manager I investigate complaints and can wholeheartedly say that this one would be going nowhere.

she probably feels terribly sad for your poor husband having to live with you.
The audacity to front someone out who, by your own admission, is doing her job well.

Yes you do have to be ‘held hostage’ for it, because you’re taking absolutely no responsibility for abusing children.
You remember everything that she remembers, yet ‘wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it’.
You sound horrific. Good for her not pandering to you.