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AIBU?

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AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

491 replies

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

OP posts:
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IamtheDevilsAvocado · 01/05/2025 04:17

ForFunGoose · 26/04/2025 00:11

I went to school
in 1980 and remember smacking and shame being the weapon of choice by bad teachers

Yes... Me too... I started in early 1970s.

Recall at infant school children having their bare bottoms being smacked in front of morning assembly.

I remember the ritual humiliation of having my dreaded needlework being thrown against the wall several times by class teacher as I had done it the 'wrong way', I'm left handed.
I was also pulled out in front of class for doing well.. 'for a bright girl you're very stupid in needlework'.... I also recall being made to stand in corner as I made a mistake in painting... Slightly too wet brush.... Yes really...

That woman was a vile bully... I remember this decades later.

She's dead now. Good.

It was the worse year of my life

People remember trauma

Menopausalmum43 · 30/04/2025 23:02

Hopefully the OP has been scooped by the police and is rotting inside a cell that smells of wee.

SussexLass87 · 30/04/2025 11:41

SalfordQuays · 28/04/2025 09:49

Well I reported it but it’s still here, so sadly I assume it must be genuine, which is very depressing.

Same here - but Mumsnet seem to think it's genuine.

Defunctlyric · 30/04/2025 10:27

So you acted grossly inappropriately with children in your care to the point of violence and somehow were lucky to get away with it with no formal complaint logged.
But you want to log a formal complaint against somebody
who hasnt done anything wrong and is treating your husband well and professionally .
Riiiiiiight.
You sound utterly vile..

TheAmusedQuail · 30/04/2025 10:13

notatinydancer · 30/04/2025 09:58

How strange the OP never came back.

Right? Amazing how admitting to child abuse on a mums forum went so off piste.

notatinydancer · 30/04/2025 09:58

How strange the OP never came back.

Goditsmemargaret · 29/04/2025 07:22

She witnessed you abusing children illegally. You want to report her for being curt while still treating your husband? You're not one to let things go unnoticed?

Words fail me.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 28/04/2025 23:41

The Op didn't come back because the thread didn't go the way she wanted it to.

SalfordQuays · 28/04/2025 09:49

SD1978 · 28/04/2025 07:49

OP never came back. I feel it was all a rage bait which I know I fell for, as did pretty much everyone who has responded!

Well I reported it but it’s still here, so sadly I assume it must be genuine, which is very depressing.

SD1978 · 28/04/2025 07:49

OP never came back. I feel it was all a rage bait which I know I fell for, as did pretty much everyone who has responded!

Blackpuddings · 27/04/2025 12:02

I think this thread is possibly one of the most disturbing ones I’ve ever read on here.

Leafy3 · 27/04/2025 11:08

Salad666 · 26/04/2025 20:34

The fact you're still making excuses for how you treated children and the fact you want to report her shows that you have little remorse for how you behaved.

She's being professional. You're not her patient. She owes you nothing.

Yes, it doesn't seem as though the op has changed in essentials at all

Pussycat22 · 27/04/2025 09:56

You are in the wrong here. You sound enchanting and are protesting too much out of guilt . You are demanding respect where you don't deserve it. Karma I think it's called. The physio sounds professional and good at her job unlike you.

Coldasicecreambutstillassweet · 27/04/2025 09:49

If you do put in a complaint, be prepared that this professional will expose you for the historic child abuser that you are.

Madformaltesers · 27/04/2025 08:34

i think we can safely say OP is not returning

GiroJim100 · 27/04/2025 04:13

I think there should be a formal complaint made but about the OP on the count of historic child abuse. She clearly hasn’t an ounce of regret about it either. A disgusting individual.

Blackpuddings · 27/04/2025 03:46

I just re-read OP’s post & it’s so disturbing on many levels. The lack of remorse & empathy is possibly the most disturbing. That she’s still questioning if the physio’s reaction to her is justified & if she should report her for being unprofessional when it’s bcos she was traumatised at her own hands as a child! It’s really chilling. Also apart from smacking the children, she threw a desk at them. Not pushed one. Threw a whole desk. I’m so in shock. Her total lack of remorse or shame - she says she’s not proud & blah blah, but that’s all just lip service, because if she was truly sorry she would be mortified & begging the physio for forgiveness. Just awful.

TheOriginalEmu · 27/04/2025 03:30

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 26/04/2025 04:40

School existed before the 80s, and trust me, smacky, shouty rude and bullying teachers were alive and well in every decade!

Of course school existed before the 80s. I mentioned the late 80s because that is when OP was a teacher, and I know that smacking kids in school was not allowed then!

LushLemonTart · 26/04/2025 20:55

Menopausalmum43 · 26/04/2025 19:57

Can't wait for OP to come back😀

Don't hold your breath 😉

Salad666 · 26/04/2025 20:34

The fact you're still making excuses for how you treated children and the fact you want to report her shows that you have little remorse for how you behaved.

She's being professional. You're not her patient. She owes you nothing.

Menopausalmum43 · 26/04/2025 19:57

Can't wait for OP to come back😀

LemonFinger · 26/04/2025 19:40

Oh and you sound very insecure and if another person's physio upset you so much because they seemed curt with you . Maybe get some therapy ordeal with that low self worth.

lizzyBennet08 · 26/04/2025 19:16

God there isn’t an ounce of regret in your post for torturing those children. Absolutley complain so she can explain to her bosses why she dislikes you so much. Am sure they will all agree with her. You are not her patient and she can be a rude as she likes to you.

LemonFinger · 26/04/2025 19:11

I don't think you would have any grounds for a complaint. You aren't the patient so her aloofness with you isn't any grounds for a complaint . It won't help you if you complain, it won't help you move on from the past. Let it go. All of it.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 18:57

She was understandably aloof with OP, but it didn't affect her DH's care in any way. Surely it would not be in her DH's best interests to replace the physiotherapist that he is really happy with

Exactly