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Original poster

How much notice is reasonable to be invited to a show?

90 replies

LaurenBacalls · 25/04/2025 22:21

I was really fortunate to receive x2 tickets for a ballet at Christmas. Have been through such a hard time and I’m looking forward. The show is a month today.

I asked my partner if he wanted to come. He is notoriously not a planner and did not give me a straight answer, ‘let’s talk about it soon.’ I also think he isn’t crazy about ballet but I go to concerts of his im not bothered about…

I am a planner and already feel itchy about not having arranged who I will go with and maybe dinner before etc.

What sort of advance notice is reasonable to give a friend if I ask someone else?

OP posts:
whitewineandsun · 26/04/2025 10:11

I wouldn't wait two weeks to ask someone this time of year.

Gundogday · 26/04/2025 10:10

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 09:50

I’ve asked him to let me know by tomorrow. I know people said don’t bother, but I DID invite him, it feels rude to ask someone else without resolving that first.

For me, I think I’d need two weeks notice generally, so leaves time.

Good move. He says he needs further time to decide, then reply that you taking that as a ‘no’ and if he waffles on, shut him down and say you’re now asking a friend. He’s had his chance!

LlynTegid · 26/04/2025 10:04

I think you have been reasonable in your decision to want an answer by tomorrow. A month's notice is perfectly OK.

If ballet is not for him, then he should just say 'it's not for me' or something similar. Much as some things you go to may not be to your taste, however much you admire the skill and talent involved. I won't go to opera for example, it's not for me.

Original poster
LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 09:50

I’ve asked him to let me know by tomorrow. I know people said don’t bother, but I DID invite him, it feels rude to ask someone else without resolving that first.

For me, I think I’d need two weeks notice generally, so leaves time.

OP posts:
SaladSandwichesForTea · 26/04/2025 08:59

I wouldn't ask him to let you know this weekend, I'd invite someone else.

He's made it clear he isn't keen.

If you offered him a ticket to the World Cup or something he wouldn't need to think about it.

Doesn't sound very nice of him that he can't just be honest and has no problem mucking you around. Is he actually your partner or just a boyfriend?

Littlemisscapable · 26/04/2025 08:55

Take me..hes not bothered clearly. Give him an ultimatum this afternoon and after that invite.a friend and make a day of it.

whitewineandsun · 26/04/2025 08:53

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 08:15

@CanYouTurnItDown i got the tickets for Christmas. The event is a month today

He's dodging. Ask a friend this weekend.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 26/04/2025 08:49

I’ve been called 2 hours before a performance due to someone dropping out. I was happy to go. Your DP clearly doesn’t want to go. Invite someone else.

MinnieMountain · 26/04/2025 08:43

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 07:39

I think I’ll ask him to let me know this weekend.

To be perfectly honest, I’m upset that he didn’t jump at the chance for a great evening out with me. But I would rather someone who is keen came with me.

I would be too OP. The first time DH came to watch ballet with me he only did it because I enjoy it. He’s a convert now 😁

MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/04/2025 08:38

Depends on the person. I’d do something like this at short notice (a few days) so long as I was free, and I usually am as my friends and I typically only plan things days, rather than weeks or months, in advance. That said obviously if you leave it last minute it’s possible your friends won’t be free, your partner doesn’t sound keen so if there’s someone else you’re thinking of taking ask them and see if they’re free - sounds like your partner should be the back up plan not the first choice!

Hadalifeonce · 26/04/2025 08:30

Certainly give him a deadline. If he still doesn't respond, just tell him you will ask someone else to go with you.

MoistVonL · 26/04/2025 08:29

“You’re obviously not keen, DH, so I am going to ask Maria to come to the ballet with me.”

SilverButton · 26/04/2025 08:26

It's reasonable to plan a month ahead. Ask him to give you a firm answer so you can ask someone else if it's a no.

And next time he invites you to see a band, don't go unless you want to.

It sounds lovely OP - enjoy!

Zonder · 26/04/2025 08:24

Just ask him for a yes or no. He clearly isn't keen. Then you can ask a friend with a month's notice.

And maybe stop going to things you're not interested in with him. It's fine to have different interests.

CanYouTurnItDown · 26/04/2025 08:22

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 08:15

@CanYouTurnItDown i got the tickets for Christmas. The event is a month today

Aah, yeah he’s just being a twat. Ask a friend

Original poster
LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 08:15

@CanYouTurnItDown i got the tickets for Christmas. The event is a month today

OP posts:
beAsensible1 · 26/04/2025 08:14

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 07:39

I think I’ll ask him to let me know this weekend.

To be perfectly honest, I’m upset that he didn’t jump at the chance for a great evening out with me. But I would rather someone who is keen came with me.

If he’s not into it he’s not into it. If you don’t want to see bands he likes you can also tell him to invite a friend instead.

different people are for different things.

Moonnstars · 26/04/2025 08:14

He doesn't want to go, else he would have said yes immediately. I hate this excuse of not being a planner, to me it sounds like they are simply waiting to see if something better comes up before they commit.
I would be asking a friend now as it's only a month away. If someone wants to go then they will immediately say yes once checking the date rather than wasting your time by saying they will have to wait and see.

CanYouTurnItDown · 26/04/2025 08:11

The tickets are for Christmas? As in 8 months away? I’m not surprised he doesn’t want to think about it yet, but it sounds like you’d be better taking a friend. Just tell him ‘you didn’t sound fussed so I’ve asked Brenda’.

beAsensible1 · 26/04/2025 08:07

Just ask if he minds you asking someone else and invite somebody who will actually enjoy it.

Newgirls · 26/04/2025 08:06

We’ve been married a long time and there are things I go to with my friends and he goes to emo bands with his. There are things we go to together. It’s normal

BlueMum16 · 26/04/2025 07:52

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 07:39

I think I’ll ask him to let me know this weekend.

To be perfectly honest, I’m upset that he didn’t jump at the chance for a great evening out with me. But I would rather someone who is keen came with me.

Ibe direct, are you coming with me and I'll book dinner or shall I ask someone else?

Empress13 · 26/04/2025 07:49

I would explain to friend that you have tickets and if DP won’t go would she like to go and that it might be last minute. If she definitely doesn’t have any plans I can’t see the problem. I’d be more than happy to help a friend with that

Evaka · 26/04/2025 07:45

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 07:39

I think I’ll ask him to let me know this weekend.

To be perfectly honest, I’m upset that he didn’t jump at the chance for a great evening out with me. But I would rather someone who is keen came with me.

Just to add, ballet isn't for everyone. Go with someone who would enjoy it too!

Evaka · 26/04/2025 07:44

You've invited him but he's not interested. Revoke the invite and invite your friend? Give him a chance to show enthusiasm: "Dave, you didn't sound overly buzzed about the ballet. I'm going to invite Louise instead unless you're super keen". If he continues to be vague just tell him you don't want him to come and you're going with your mate.