DH Leaving Baby Alone with Cats

I'm totally fence sitting here.

When mine were babies I'd happily briefly leave the room with baby in the moses basket and the cats around. BUT cat 1 is blind and so couldn't get into the moses basket and cat 2 was afraid of everything and wouldn't have gone near. If it had been with a future cat we had, they wouldn't have been in the room together even supervised, because she was a aggressive cat.

With an average cat I'd probably potter, make a cuppa, pop to the loo etc if they were in the same room, but wouldn't go and wash dishes without popping back intermittently. If the cat was asleep, I'd pop back less than if it were wandering around.

Although I tried my best to supervise them, there were times when they were alone together because I accidentally shut them in together. A few times I shut the door specifically to keep out a cat, only to shut them in together 😂

You know your cats temperament. Are they aggressive? Do they like sleeping on people? If the answer to those is yes, then you'll need to supervise more than a cat who isn't a lap cat and who is docile and just sleeps on the sofa all the time.

I think that with newborn babies, it pays to be super careful.

I asked my DH not to hold a mug of tea while our newborn was sound asleep on his chest. He rolled his eyes at me. Literally two minutes later, the baby did this weird frog hop, where his legs twitched violently. The baby flew a full foot into the air, headbutted the mug of hot tea and landed on his head on the floor.

Honestly it was the most bonkers thing ever, but around new babies strange things do happen. The baby will only be tiny for a very short time and for that short period, you and your DH are on guard.

Good luck, and well done for looking after your DC.

(I was an outdoor pram-sleeping 70s baby wth with a cat net btw.)

Yanbu

I doubt that ever happened

Was it a request or a demand?

when you have both calmed down it may be easier to have a conversation about each others concerns and come to a mutual agreement.

I had a cat when ds was a baby and I would never have left them alone together.

I also think there's a big difference between nipping out of the room for a minute and doing dishes and going upstairs and a lot can happen in that time. Babies are warm and soft, covered in blankets and smell like milk. Most baby items like moses baskets look really appealing to cats. He needs to be more cautious with this for sure otherwise he's setting your pets up for a fail.

I would talk to your health visitor about it with him in the room so he can hear it from a professional.

Aside from that - the next problem you have is the fact this is something important to you - a safety concern regarding your child - and he's just blankly shot you down and said he'll be doing his own thing. That attitude needs nipped in the bud or you'll have big issues in your marriage further down the line. You should both be working together as a team and if one of you feels strongly about a risk relating to your child the other should respect that.

YANBU - why risk it! Also, I think it’s really hurtful that he’s refusing to respect your wishes on a reasonable request, even if he doesn’t agree. I know your baby has two parents but mother’s instincts are real and he should be following your lead (at least for these first few months anyway) imo!!

Do you have a link to those statistics or is it just an old wives tale repeated...

YANBU.
I also remember cat nets- and if they were available ‘back in the day’ when children could ride in the back of cars with no seat belt on, it just shows this was a genuine safety measure.

Whilst I do agree with other posters saying it’s unlikely to happen/ post the links where it has, you wouldn’t want to be that ‘first’ mum saying you didn’t believe it would actually happen to your baby.

it’s too risky imo.
Animals can turn, especially on another ‘creature’ that may suddenly make a noise.
So many people have cat scratches when they ‘didn’t think’ they’d get scratched.

I agree with you- don’t risk your baby.

My husbands life was saved by his older brother when he was a newborn.
Cat jumped into his carrycot and was on his chest - he was blue when his older brother checked on him.
Im sure the cat didn’t mean to (nearly kill him ) but it was a close call.
So im totally with you OP.
Another minute and he would have been dead,
Please ignore all of the ‘overreaction’ posts - it’s not an overreaction, it’s a very valid one.

I have had cats and I’m with OP!

OP, in my experience DHs can be totally blasé about risk to babies. Mine got annoyed with me telling him not to have the baby on the sofa with him when he was tired. He insisted all was fine when we arrived in France with DS2 at 6 months old and had a go at me for asking him to put him down on the floor. An hour later we were in A& E after DH nodded off when I was in the shower and DS rolled off the sofa bench on to the floor. I heard the thud and have never been so frightened in my life. DH got a very firm lecture from the Dr. Once back in the caravan he got the bollocking of his life from me. I learned then to stand firm on all safety issues and you need to do so.

I would go so far as to say that if you ever catch him leaving the cats alone with the baby you will rehome the cats immediately. I would certainly do that without hesitation. If he wants to avoid that, he knows what he needs to do

I wouldn't leave a cat with a baby personally. My cat likes to sit on my chest at the crack of dawn when I'm still in bed and it's uncomfortable for me, I can't imagine how it would be for a newborn baby. It's surprising how heavy a cat can be.

As someone with 3 cats, yanbu with him nipping upstairs. Doing dishes is dependant on how close kitchen is to the living room (if that's where baby was). Cats like warmth so while DD was small enough to be in a moses basket I wouldn't have been more than 30 seconds away from her with the cats around.

Not being unreasonable at all. We have a dog and there is always either an adult in the room if DD and DDog are together.

Yeah – my very placid little dog bit my face a couple of years ago – I kissed his head, he’d been sleeping and was startled, and in that split second instinctively snapped, then looked completely freaked out. I don’t think he knew what was going on in that fraction of a moment, just a startled survival instinct.

I was fine, although I do still have a scar on my upper lip area. I don’t think it was on purpose, and that’s the problem really – they can do harm without meaning to

YANBU @untitled1
Cats and babies should be kept separated, your DH is a very stupid man for refusing to follow your instructions.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/7232699/pet-cat-suffocates-baby-death-sleeping-pram/

I never left my two alone with the cats as they can suffocate the baby.

YANBU - as mentioned before a net might help, we had one with DD1.

Actually, it is.

Sorry just seen the chat about nets

This is definitely something to worry about. We bought a fitted net that went over the bugaboo bassinet so when we left them alone the cat couldn’t jump in.

People saying this isn’t a thing or that OP is being weird/overly cautious are not helpful. Cats LOVE warmth and to snuggle and smothering a new born happens.

Could you get a net for the moses basket to stop the cats getting in ? Like this- https://amzn.eu/d/6TYzxKn

I had a screenshot but don't know how to post it

Exactly. My DM was horrified years ago when we visited a family friend with a newborn - their cat was curled around the baby in the carrycot. I had a colleague years ago whose cat scratched her eye accidentally when she jolted in bed and the cat was alarmed. A cat should be nowhere near a baby.