Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

After work...

59 replies

proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 16:52

If a friend invited you over "after work" and neither of you had a 9-5 job (I mainly work school hours and he finishes around 8 or 9pm), should it be obvious what time they expect you? Especially if they don't want you to come straight from work as it's too early and they actually have the day off anyway. And would you be annoyed if you tried to clarify when they meant and they just repeated "after work" and then went silent?

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 25/04/2025 17:13

proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 17:07

Indeed. I'm not hanging round ready to leap up as soon as he deigns to tell me when I should go round to his flat, while he sits on his arse (he won't come to mine as I have a cat).

Show quote history

Doesn't like cats? What a twat!

Arlanymor · 25/04/2025 17:11

He sounds a poor communicator and if last minuteness isn’t compatible with how you live your life then maybe he’s not the best match for you? I sympathise, I dated a last minuter back in the day, it was highly frustrating.

Original poster
proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 17:07

TomatoSandwiches · 25/04/2025 17:02

I'd just not go if they couldn't give me a time tbh, be clear or sod off.

Indeed. I'm not hanging round ready to leap up as soon as he deigns to tell me when I should go round to his flat, while he sits on his arse (he won't come to mine as I have a cat).

OP posts:
Original poster
proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 17:05

Arlanymor · 25/04/2025 16:58

I would just respond: “After work sounds great, what kind of time do you have in mind?” Also what had you planned on doing? Eating together? So 7pm after you have finished work and he’s not been in work today?

It was only a loose plan carried over from last weekend (because as usual he gave me virtually no notice and I'd already eaten a very late, large lunch when he invited me for dinner). I told him I finished early today, but he didn't want me to come straight over. I got confused and thought maybe I'd misunderstood and he meant after his work, but no, that was wrong too and the subtext was that I was an idiot.

OP posts:
Original poster
proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 17:03

BIWI · 25/04/2025 16:58

Goodness - just use your words!

I did "use my words", but all I got back was sarcastic replies (including a repetition of "after work") and then he stopped responding.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 25/04/2025 17:02

I'd just not go if they couldn't give me a time tbh, be clear or sod off.

Arlanymor · 25/04/2025 16:58

I would just respond: “After work sounds great, what kind of time do you have in mind?” Also what had you planned on doing? Eating together? So 7pm after you have finished work and he’s not been in work today?

BIWI · 25/04/2025 16:58

Goodness - just use your words!

GroupDiscountOnTheBusToHell · 25/04/2025 16:56

I would just respond
‘yes, but what time? 8:30 or 10 o’clock, because there’s a world of difference!’

(not that I would even entertain going that late tbh 😂)

Swipe left for the next trending thread